


The Silence Between Us

by TheVioletThread



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Crushes, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-16 22:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 45,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5843170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVioletThread/pseuds/TheVioletThread
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After infusing from Malachite, Lapis is lost and aimless.  The Crystal Gems offer to help, but will she let them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After unfusing from Malachite, Lapis is lost and aimless. The Crystal Gems offer to help her, but will she let them?

Water gems are naturally cold.

Their pale blue skin has no natural warmth, unlike fire elemental gems, and generally their personalities tend to reflect their bodies. They are calm and collected, one of the most solitary types of gems, unlikely to bond with any other gem, caring only for their diamond.

Feelings of love and consideration are uncommon, unknown.

And Lapis won’t, can’t understand. She has been trapped and imprisoned for many lifetimes over. First by the traitorous rebels known as the Crystal Gems. She escaped from them, only to be thrown into a cell, tortured by the gems, her own people, she ran to. And finally,  as if life couldn’t let her be, she was sucked into the ocean, bound by body and soul to the person she hated the most.

Lapis frowns, pulling her legs up under herself.

And now she is here.

Sitting behind the place Steven calls the barn. The place they’ve decided to keep her, since eight nights ago, when she hauled herself dripping and wounded from the sea.

They’ve been kind to her, kinder than she would’ve been, had she been at full strength. They could’ve poofed her form, placed her gem in a bubble and kept her inside their temple for a millennium.

They didn’t.

And she’s furious.

She can see that the only reason they left her free was because of pity. Because they felt sorry for her. The thought makes her stomach knot with anger. They condescendingly patted her awkwardly on the back and stuffed her inside the barn with her.

Peridot.

The one who had watched her torture everyday and just stood, watching her scream. The one who now, supposedly had mutinied against Yellow Diamond and joined the traitors. The Crystal Gems.

She grabs her skirt tightly in wads. Frankly Lapis has no reason to not despise Peridot.

She frowns, hearing voices behind her, disrupting the silence of the clear morning. She recognizes one of the voices as Steven’s immediately.

He’s laughing (as always it seems with him) at something humorous someone must have said.

“Steven, I really don’t think that’s a good idea, she might-“ The voice she now recognizes as the Pearl’s is cut off by Steven.

“No way Pearl! She’s going to love it!”

Lapis frown fades slightly as Steven comes bounding around the corner of the barn, Pearl following hesitantly behind. Steven runs up to her a small piece of fabric in his hands.

“Lapis!” He shouts, slightly out of breath from running up the mountain. “Hi!”

She smiles, only slightly fake.

“Hello Steven,” she responds, glancing down at the wadded fabric clutched in his hands. “What is that?”

“Oh! I almost forgot. Me and Pearl went shopping this morning and we got you this!” He thrusts the blue fabric towards her, beaming, and she is suddenly struck with an unfamiliar feeling.

“I- what am I supposed to do with it?” she asks hesitantly. Steven’s eyebrows knot together in confusion before he understands.

“It’s called a scarf. It’s something that you can wear!” He shows her, wrapping the fabric around his neck, while Pearl bites her lip, clearly wanting to say something.

“See?!” He looks at her with wide eyes and she feels uncomfortable by his attention. She smiles for him, taking the gift, just to see his eyes light up in the way that makes her feel less dark. Less evil.

“Thank you Steven,” she murmurs quietly. “It- it is very pretty,” she offers carefully.

Steven glows. “No problem!”

He says something more but she isn’t listening.

“-and I was just wondering if you wanted to come?”

She glances back up. “What?”

“I was just wondering if you wanted to come to the beach tonight. Me, Dad, and Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl are gonna be there!”

He looks at her hopefully, and even though spending time with the people she hates is the very last thing she would ever chose to do, she can’t find the words to kill his smile.

“I’ll think about it,” she answers, even though the real answer is no.

He smiles hugely, wrapping his thick stubby arms around her in a way that is entirely unwanted. “We’re going to have so much fun! Now you can hang out and meet everybody and Dad’ll see you’re not an evil water witch!”

Lapis arches an eyebrow at that last one. “What’s a witch?”

Steven blushes slightly. “Um, never mind. Anyway, it’ll be great!”

He shoots her another radiant smile and for reasons she doesn’t understand she feels the urge to smile back. Behind Steven Pearl clears her throat.

“Steven, why don’t you go check on Peridot?”

“Okay!” he says, bounding up and running inside the barn.

Lapis shifts her gaze to the pearl.

She meets Lapis’s eyes head on.

Pearl breaks the silence first. “Steven cares quite a lot for you.”

Lapis feels herself harden.

“So he does.”

Lapis doesn’t understand this pearl. No pearl on Homeworld would dare treat her the way this one pearl does. Something must be wrong with her. Perhaps she is defective.

The Pearl speaks again. “You won’t hurt him.” It is a statement, not a question.

“I won’t hurt _him_.”

She lets her words hang in the air so their real meaning is not lost on the Pearl.

Judging from the growing scowl on pearl’s face her intent is not lost. The Pearl stares at her harshly, Lapis’s glare right back, hating her equally. Then the Pearl’s eyes soften a degree.

“I’m sorry about what happened to you. I can’t even imagine what-“

“Be quiet.” she hisses.

Pearl frown returns. “Look I’m trying to be nice here and you won’t even-“

Lapis cuts her off.

“I don’t need you to be nice. And I don’t want your pity. So don’t pride yourself on how nice you are.” She stands, her anger rising rapidly. “Don’t think I haven’t forgotten how many thousands of years I was trapped in your mirror.  How you just let me _rot_ in there. However nice you try to be to me… you’ll never make up for that.”

With that she turns away. As she starts to walk away the Pearl speaks again.

“I didn’t know. I didn't know that you were in that mirror. And when I found out... I thought that you were evil. I thought… that if I freed you, you’d kill me.”

Lapis scowls.

“Well,” she says slowly, “At least you got that part right.”

The Pearl backs away from her, face no longer angry, just sad.

“Okay then.” she says quietly. “We can be enemies.”

She looks at Lapis, unblinkingly, and Lapis is almost shocked by how blue her eyes are. “But you still won’t hurt Steven.”

Lapis looks into the hard turquoise eyes staring hardly at her. The eyes that for thousands of years were the only thing she had to look at.  
The irony of this almost makes her laugh.

“Alright Pearl,” she says, making sure to let every syllable drip with sarcasm.

“Whatever you say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how long this will end up being, but it will definitely get darker as Lapis shares more feelings about Malachite and how she escaped from Jasper.


	2. Chapter 2

After her annoying conversation with the pearl, Lapis is seething.

How dare that arrogant little… pearl speak to her that way! If she were back on Homeworld it wouldn’t be like this.

She rests her head against the rock she leans against.

But she is not on Homeworld, nor will she ever be again. Her eyes swell with a mixture of frustration, rage, and sadness. Angrily she wipes away her tears. This was the way it was.  
Crying over it was useless.

She is so lost in though she doesn’t hear someone walk up behind her.

“So, do you like, you know, do anything? Besides sitting around sulking around all day?” Lapis whips around to see the purple one smirking at her.

Amethyst.

“I’m not sulking,” she retorts quickly.

Amethyst just grins, rolling her eyes. “Ok. _suure_. You’re just a ray of sunshine hiding over here by yourself.”

Lapis casts her a dirty look.

“And how would you suggest I act?” she spits harshly.

Amethyst shrugs, unfazed. “I dunno. Maybe just chill out a little? And you don’t have to be so mad at us all the time.”

“I have a complete right to be angry right now! Or have you forgotten what you and your friends did to me? And how I’ve spent the last five thousand years being captured and tortured?” she lets out a shaky breath. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be alone for so long that the only thing you have to think about is how much you've screwed everything up?” she murmurs, voice almost a whisper.

Amethyst raises an eyebrow, muttering something under her breath.

“What?” Lapis demands.

“I said,” Amethyst says, glaring up at her, “you might be surprised.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “As if you understand anything. All you rebel gems are the same.”

Amethyst tilts back her head groaning loudly. “What-“   “If you would ever just stop being so mad for just one second you might notice that we’re just trying to help you. But you won’t shut up and listen.” Amethyst steps back, crossing her arms.

Lapis shuts her eyes, trying to clear her head. Finally she looks back up toward Amethyst.

“Sorry.” She clears her throat hesitantly. “But I do have a right to be angry. You kept me prisoner for thousands of years. And that’s not okay.”

“Never said it was.”

“So why did you do it?” She asks quietly, looking at Amethyst, anger faded from her eyes.

Amethyst stares at the ground for a moment too long. Finally she answers.

“We, Garnet, Pearl and I, we’ve been isolated for so long and the only gems we’ve ever seen on Earth are corrupted. We just… kinda assumed you were too with all the creepy mirror shit you were doing with Steven,” She pauses, flipping her bangs out of her eyes sighing.

“We thought you were going to hurt him. And you didn’t give us any reason to trust you.”

Lapis rubs her fingers against her hand, trying to figure out how to respond. Finally she glances back at Amethyst.

“Thanks… for being honest.” Amethyst looks at her expectantly.

“What?”

Amethyst smirks. “So does this mean you’ll stop acting so pissed all the time?” she says teasingly.

Against her will Lapis feels the corners of her mouth twitching upward. “I don’t know about that,” she answers, smiling dangerously, “I still really hate you clods.”

Amethyst stares at her for a second before bursting out laughing. “Girl, what is it with you space rocks call’in us clods?”

“It must just be a good fit.”

As Amethyst chuckles, Lapis feels the air lighten around them. Without asking Amethyst plops down beside her.

“But seriously? Is there anything you _do_ like to do? Besides mope?”

Lapis glares at her again. “And glare?”

Lapis sighs, shrugging. “How should I know? I’ve been trapped in a mirror for thousands of years.”

Amethyst taps her finger against her chin thoughtfully, ignoring Lapis’s snarky tone. “Hm, since you can do all that water manipulation stuff, I’m guessing you like to swim?”

Lapis shrugs again. “I suppose.”

Amethyst grins. “Ever tried surfing?”

Lapis looks at her blankly.

“You know with a board and stuff?” Rolling her eyes at the look Lapis gives her she continues to dramatically ponder.

Lapis fidgets slightly. She is glad that she is finally able to have a conversation with someone besides Steven, but now she’s getting restless. Amethyst is saying something else, but she is far from listening.

“Do you know where Jasper is?” She blurts out, cutting Amethyst off.

Amethyst blinks at the swift change in conversation.

“No.” she says, unusually terse.

“ _What_.” she says, voice dangerously soft, “I thought you and your friends were going to find her.”

“And we will. But we have a lot of ocean to look through.” Amethyst places a hand on to her shoulder and she is shocked by how warm it is.

“Right now you should just chill out. Garnet says that being fused with Jasper for so long has put a lot of strain on your gem.”

“I am aware of that. I was there, remember?”

Amethyst smirks slightly.

“Yeah, I do. And you’re lucky you’re still in one piece. We’ve gonna find Jasper. And you’re gonna chill out and stop yelling at everybody. Deal?”

Lapis looks at Amethyst’s purple eyes staring at her earnestly.

She wasn’t sure about this planet or these gems. And she didn’t want to like them. But still, she feels her lips moving up ever so slightly.

“Deal.”


	3. Chapter 3

After her talk with Amethyst, Lapis had gone around to the back of the barn as she had every day, sitting cross-legged with her eyes shut slightly. The meditative position always helped her mind clear and she desperately needed that now.

But before long the sun had greatly lowered in the sky and Steven came looking for her again. He had smiled at her in that way that he always did, and that always made her feel odd. Somehow, he had convinced her to come down to the beach with him and she had wound up in the very place she didn’t want to be.

Surrounded by the Crystal Gems.

She glances over at everyone from where she sits on the sand, slightly apart from the group. All of the gems are there, including Peridot.

The human man, Greg, she thinks his name is, is also there. He is busy cooking some kind of foul-smelling objects on his burning machine while Amethyst and Peridot are apparently trying to steal one. Garnet says something to him and he grins, nodding his head before finally handing one to each of the gems.

Lapis rubs her thumb against the sand in circles, watching the somehow cheerful chaos play out before her.

There is another human present, one whom she hasn’t met.

She is about the height of Steven with dark skin and darker hair. She and Steven are laughing at something Amethyst has said.

Lapis tilts her head to the side, suddenly realizing that the Pearl is not present.

She wonders if the conversation between them has scared the Pearl away from her. For a moment she feels a flicker of regret, but she shoves it down.

The Pearl should be afraid.  On Homeworld a Pearl acting in that way would be shattered on the spot.

Suddenly she feels an icy cold hand tap her on the shoulder.

The Pearl.

Lapis grimaces.  “What?” she asks, coming out more harshly than she actually meant.

The Pearl glances down at the ground, but only for a second, before looking at Lapis again.

“Having fun?” she asks dryly, before sitting down beside Lapis in the sand.

“Shouldn’t you be over with them?” Lapis asks, nodding at the other gems on the beach.

Pearl just shrugs. “I- I’m better at watching.” she says lightly, not looking at Lapis anymore.

“Why?”

The Pearl’s eyes flit back to her, almost as if she hadn’t been expecting an answer.  Which was fair, since Lapis tended to ignore most of the things people said to her.

Pearl’s momentary discomfort fades to a soft, small smile. “I like to watch everyone. I like seeing everyone so… happy.” she smiles softly, a quiet kind of light flickering in her eyes.

Lapis tells herself to get up and leave, leave this strange, annoying Pearl by herself. But something keeps her rooted in her place.

“Why-“ she says, her voice surprisingly horse. “Why do you only watch? Why not join them?”

Pearl turns to her, a dry kind of smirk across her face.  “Want me to leave already?”

“N-no! That’s not what I meant.” she answers hurriedly.

Pearl looks slightly amused at her answer.  Lapis scowls down at the ground between them.

Pearl laughs softly, almost to herself. “I suppose I’m just not much of a joiner.” she sighs, shrugging.  “What about you?”

Lapis shrugs listlessly. “I don’t know what I was…who I am now. I feel nothing… I’m just here.”  She pauses, breathing slowly. “I wish I could feel something. I wish I had a reaction to all of this.”   She gestures to everything around them.  “I know all this means something. But I can’t feel it. Not any of it.”

She lets her head drop to her chest, navy hair falling around her eyes like a curtain.

“I-I think you’ll be okay.”

The Pearl’s words are so faint Lapis wonders if she imagined them.

She picks her head up, turning to look at Pearl.

Her face is flushed a oddly adorable shade of blue and she is biting her lip, clearly regretting saying anything.

Lapis tilts her head slightly to the side, confused by everything this Pearl says and does.

“What do you mean?” she asks softly.

Pearl glances away, turning even darker blue. “I- well, I just think that you’ve survived so much horrible stuff already… I think you can survive this too.”

She turns even farther away from Lapis, discomfort obvious on her face.

Lapis has no response.  This Pearl was one of the greatest mysteries she has ever seen. No Pearl on Homeworld had ever tried to look at her, much less actually speak to her before.

And after Lapis had practically told her that she hated her not but a few hours before.

And as she notices Pearl’s flush growing even darker, she realizes that she’s staring, which is hardly appropriate.

Lapis clears her throat, breaking the bridge of silence between them. “I… um, appreciate that. Thanks.” She smiles half-heartedly.

Pearl smiles back at her faintly, nodding her head slightly in reply.

They lapse into silence, the noise of everyone behind them fading slightly, and the only sound is the rhythmic rise and fall of the waves against the sand.

                                                                                                     -:-

 

A little ways away Amethyst smirks at the sight of the two gems sitting on the sand, talking quietly.  She nudges Garnet grinning.

“Check it out,” she says, nodding at the pair.

Garnet smiles faintly.  

“They’re sitting.”

Amethyst rolls her eyes. “Yeah suure, they’re just sitting.”

She shrugs, finishing off her fifth hotdog. “No offense G, but Pearl’s over there almost bluer than Lapis, and they’ve both got that stupid mushy look all over their faces.”

Garnet smirks.  “True.”

They both are quiet for a moment, as they watch the pair, Pearl smiling at something Lapis said.

Amethyst grins. “What’d I tell you?”

Garnet says nothing, continuing to watch Pearl and Lapis.  Amethyst groans, flopping back on the sand. “Uhhh, you are so not fun to gossip with G!”

Garnet smiles a little at the purple gem’s dramatic tone. “There isn't even anything to gossip about.”

Amethyst rolls her eyes. “You’re not fun.”

Garnet readjusts her glasses, a broad smirk spreading across her face.

“Not yet, anyway.”

Amethyst grins back as they both sit on the sand, watching the smiles grow on Pearl and Lapis’s faces.


	4. Chapter 4

Slowly, as the night goes on, everyone starts to fade slightly. Steven and his friend tried to hide their yawns, but eventually gave up when Pearl came over and made them both go inside.  They both protested weakly but then quickly relented, clearly exhausted.

Pearl went with them, grasping Steven’s hand tightly.  She doesn’t look back.

Lapis wonders what it would be like to need to sleep. To have Pearl hold her hand.

Greg lets out a huge yawn and announces that he’s exhausted as well. Then Greg gives Steven a goodnight hug and leaves to go rest himself.

Garnet nods at her as she goes inside the temple. Amethyst says something about being tired too and seriously needing a nap, and Lapis nods her head absently. Then Amethyst is gone and she is all alone.

She breathes in deeply, shutting her eyes.

She can hear the swishing moment of the waves, feel the weight of it in the very bottom of her stomach. It reminds her of orange and chains, heavy chains dragging her down, deep into the ocean. When she opens her eyes Lapis sees the glistening lights of the stars, far, far above.

One of those stars is her home.

She exhales, the weight of never seeing her home again, of never being able to leave this planet collapsing all at once on to her shoulders. She lets out a quiet sob, shutting her eyes tightly.

When she opens her eyes she stares up at the stars hollowly.

This wasn’t helping. With an irritated grunt she stands up, spreading her wings out widely.  She pushes off of the sand, soaring into the night.

The cool night air makes her hair flutter around her face.

Lapis exhales slowly. There is still nothing. The feelings that everyone around her seems to have, the ones she wishes she had, are still absent.

She is still empty. Hollow.

She floats across the sky, flying past the temple and over the tiny city of Beach City far below. When she reaches the barn she gracefully alights onto the ground, wings dissolving behind her.  Looking around, she marvels at how different the barn is at night, without all the hustle and bustle of everyone there. She finds herself almost missing it.

Suddenly she hears a loud crash inside the barn.

Peridot.

She groans. Figures Peridot of all gems would still be here in the middle of the night.

Lapis decides she should probably check on her, just in case she accidentally blows up the barn. She trudges over to the barn door, the hinges on the old thing creaking loudly as she opens it.

So much for Peridot not hearing her coming.

The green gem is hunched over something on the floor, a panel or something, apparently trying to rewire it.

Emphasis on trying.

Peridot lets out a grunt of irritation, hands moving fast as lighting. She was so absorbed in whatever she was doing, she hadn’t noticed Lapis enter the barn. Ridiculously squeaky door and all.

Lapis rolls her eyes. What a nerd. She clears her throat loudly.

“Ahem.”

Peridot jumps slightly, turning to look at Lapis over her shoulder. They stare at each other for a moment awkwardly, both unsure what to say.

Finally Lapis decides that since she was the one to come into the barn she should be the one to say something.

“Something fell.” she says lamely.

Peridot looks at her blankly for a moment. “Oh! I, uh, just dropped my hammer,” Peridot says, gesturing to one of the tools laying on the ground between them.

“Okay then.” Lapis shrugs, turning away to leave.

“S-so are you feeling any better?  You know, about having to stay on Earth?”

Lapis glances around, seeing Peridot staring determinately at her feet.

Lapis shrugs carelessly.

“It's-“ she stops herself. What was really the point in lying about it anymore? “I hate it.” she answers honestly.

Peridot looks up at her, her face surprised. “What? Why?”

“Stars- I don’t know!” she says, throwing her arms up exasperatedly. “I just can’t imagine having to spend the rest of my existence on this planet!”

Peridot just keeps staring at her, her eyes wider and calmer than Lapis had ever seen. “I know.”

“You can’t go home now either, can you.”

Peridot shakes her head.

Lapis sighs, her anger deflating. “I keep thinking- _hoping_ that this,” Lapis gestures to the building around them, “ isn’t all there is. But I don’t know anymore.” She sighs tiredly. “And the Crystal Gems are the only ones who do know.”

Peridot squirms slightly, looking like she wants to say something. “You know, they’re really not all that bad. Once you get to know them.” Peridot smiles faintly at her before turning away from Lapis and resuming the work on the control panel.

Lapis feels a smile quirk at her mouth before she can catch herself.

She closes the door quietly behind her as she leaves. The stars, the same unfamiliar stars, twinkle down at her.

She feels the same question, always hammering at the very edge of her mind, why. Why was everyone at peace but her? Everyone here knew the place where they belonged.

Even the Peridot, traitorous, weak Peridot had a place here. Peridot connected with them.

Felt what they felt.

Lapis feels the wind rustle through her hair as it blew across the hilltop. Almost unconsciously she shivers. She has always preferred the dark to the bright light of the day, but now, alone on the dark hill, she finds herself wishing for the dawn.


	5. Chapter 5

There were many obvious differences between Homeworld and Earth, but the one Lapis notices the most is that Earth is much more _loud_.

Between Peridot’s drilling, Pearl’s wielding, and Amethyst and Steven’s seemingly random action of hitting things with tools it was impossible to even hear herself think. For a moment she wondered how everyone could possibly know what they where supposed to do, but, apparently, fusions had the ability to yell, very very loudly.

Whenever Pearl needed to give someone directions she just went over and whispered them to Garnet, who would then shout them to whoever needed them. This had been going on all morning and, though it was extremely entertaining to watch, certainly didn’t seem to be the most efficient way of doing things. With the sun high in the sky Lapis was starting to get uncomfortably hot from where she always sat, in the shade of the barn, silently watching everyone work. She always watched, but never helped.

She never offered. They never asked.

She blinks, realizing suddenly that the noise has finally died down. Everyone has stopped what they’re doing to cluster around Garnet. Her interest flickers and she leans forward to hear what is being said.

“-And I’m not sure what exactly we can even finish without the scaffolding being repaired.” Pearl gestures to what looks like a huge pile of broken pieces of wood.

“Why can’t we just fix it? Or you know, just make a new one?” Amethyst says, carelessly kicking the pile.

Pearl frowns, shaking her head. “That scaffolding would take days to rebuild. That’s not the kind of time we have!”

Garnet places her hand on Pearl’s shoulder, obviously to calm her down. “Pearl. We don’t have any other options. Maybe if we all work together we can-“ She stops, staring along with everyone else as the wooden scaffolding, each shattered piece now incased within a thin layer of water, floats through the air, gracefully reassembling itself around the massive drill head.

Everyone turns to face her, surprise on their faces.

Lapis feels a flash of triumph. Steven grins at her, making it entirely worth getting up.

“Wow! That’s really great Lapis!” He says, running over to her.

“Yeah, pretty cool L,” Amethyst says, looking at the newly rebuilt scaffolding. Garnet nods in agreement.

The Pearl is standing beside the beams of the scaffolding, running her hands over the fractured wood, testing the support. Lapis feels annoyance bubble up.

“It’s stable, if that’s what you want to know.” She says defensively, crossing her arms.

Pearl turns to look at her, eyes wide. “I- that’s not what I meant.” She steps back, looking at the newly built structure. “This is just- wow.”

Pearl’s lips curl into a broad smile and Lapis feels her face grow warm at Pearl’s complement.

Lapis nods at her to begin working again as she moves closer to keep the scaffolding in place. As Pearl grabs her tools and carefully climbs up onto the platform, Lapis bites her tongue, realizing that supporting the scaffolding with someone on it for hours might be a tad harder than she had first thought.

She blinks hard, raising her arms a little higher. It didn’t matter.

She could do this easily.

                                                                                                        -:-

 

After a few hours of holding the scaffolding together, Lapis was beginning to realize just how wrong she had been.

A bead of sweat runs down her cheek. She was still much too weak to hold this for so long. But she would rather pass out than let the gems around her see her quit.

She can feel her stomach lurch sideways as Pearl leans over the side, peering down at her. Her eyebrows are scrunched together as she stares down at Lapis, concern on her face.

“Lapis, are you sure you can keep doing this? You don’t look very good.”

Lapis shakes her head, trying to ignore the buzzing at the base of her skull.

“I’m fine.”

Pearl gives her another concerned glance before resuming her work.

Lapis shuts her eyes tightly, trying to stop the world from spinning. Opening them only makes her feel more nauseous. She clears her throat, trying to distance herself from the the buzzing.

Suddenly her knees decide to stop working. Lapis feels something inside of her snap.

“Pearl I-“ she tries to warn the gem but she feels something hard smack into her head and everything goes black.

                                                                                                        -:-      

She feels something wet pressing against her forehead and slowly opens her eyes to see Pearl leaning over her.

She’s carefully dabbing Lapis’s forehead with a wet rag. As always, Pearl is the literal image of perfect, her expression calm and reserved.

Lapis winches as she tries to sit up and Pearl gently pushes her back down.

Lapis swallows, her throat dry.  “Sorry about the scaffolding, I didn’t mean to-“ her voice trails off.

Pearl smiles ruefully. “Don’t worry about it. I was almost finished working anyway.”

Lapis frowns, grimacing as Pearl touches a sensitive spot. “Are- are you okay?”

Pearl smiles softly, scooting a little closer to her. “Yeah. I am.”

Lapis tries to swallow and finds that her throat is violently dry. “I’m glad.”

Suddenly Lapis is very aware of Pearl’s face very close to hers. She can feel heat rushing to her cheeks.

Lapis shivers.

This feeling that the Pearl gives her whenever she gets close to her, it’s nothing like Lapis has ever felt. Deep in her gut she knows that it’s very wrong. But she also never wants it to go away.

Pearl sets the rag on a small wooden table beside her, then folds her hands neatly in her lap. They sit in silence for a while, neither of them wanting to be the first one to speak.

“You should’ve told us that you couldn’t handle it. We wouldn’t have cared.”

Pearl’s voice quavers slightly. “Don’t hurt yourself. It isn’t worth it.”

Lapis tilts her head forward so her eyes are covered behind a screen of blue hair. “I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

Pearl suddenly grasps Lapis’s hand in her’s.

“Yes. You’re fine. This time. But you don’t have anything to prove to us.” Pearl smiles dryly. “Believe me when I say that we already know how powerful you are.”

Lapis’s cheeks flush again at Pearl’s compliment. She looks up into Pearl’s cerulean eyes staring directly at her.

Lapis glances down at their hands, Pearl still clutching hers tightly.

Pearl’s eyes follows her gaze, and she quickly flushes a bright blue. She immediately drops Lapis’s hand.

“Ah- well anyway just stay in here and rest for as long as you need!”

Pearl stands up swiftly, almost knocking over her chair. “I’m just gonna go, you know,-“  She gestures wildly to the door of the barn. Pearl practically dashes out the door.

Lapis just stares down at her hand, and finds herself unable to stop the smile spreading across her face.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day Lapis again helps Pearl with the drill, only this time Pearl is careful to force her to take breaks, which secretly Lapis is graceful for.

Occasionally Pearl asks her to hand some tool or another, and slowly she starts to learn all the many different names of each one. She tries her hardest to grip and complain about helping, but deep down she’s glad that she can help.

That Pearl wants her to help.

The sun is dipping when Pearl screws the final bolt into place. Gracefully she climbs down from the scaffolding, carefully balancing all of the tools in her arms.

As she steps down from the ladder Lapis releases the scaffolding, causing the entire contraption to instantly fall apart with a groan. At the sound of the boards collapsing Pearl turns to Lapis beaming.

Lapis smiles hesitantly back at her, unsure what she should do.

“Thanks for helping me again. It saved so much time not having to rebuild that entire thing,” Pearl nods at the now disassembled pile of scaffolding around them.

Lapis shrugs carelessly. “No problem.”

She turns to go back to the inside of the barn, but Pearl says something so quietly that she completely misses it. Lapis turns around curiously.

“What did you say?”

Pearl is looking down at the ground, but looks up at the sound of Lapis’s voice. “Um well, I just thought, both of us are pretty dirty right now and…” she trails off, gesturing vaguely with her hands.

Lapis looks at her blankly.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to come down to the temple with me and get cleaned up,” she finishes, her cheeks faintly blue.

Lapis is silent for a moment before slowly raising her arm and putting her nose to it. She makes a face. “You’re right, we both smell…unpleasant.”

They stare at each other for a moment before laughing. Pearl waves her arm for her to follow her.

                                                                                      -:-

They walk down the hill, chatting lightly. Lapis is surprised by how easy it is, to be here, simply talking with this Pearl.

The sun is dipping even lower in the sky, turning the sky brilliant shades of orange and pink. Without actually thinking about it, Lapis stops and stares.

Pearl glances over her shoulder as she notices Lapis pause behind her.  They both stand on the rocky hillside, watching the sun drop, casting gorgeous light across the clouds.

“It’s…” Lapis trails off.

“Wonderful.” Pearl finishes quietly, smiling at her.

Lapis stares at her, short hair rustling slightly in the breeze, the light tinting her pink hair into a wonderful flurry of pinks and oranges.

Suddenly Lapis is finding it slightly difficult to breathe.

She swallows.

Pearl’s eyebrows scrunch together, as she looks at her worriedly. “Lapis are you feeling all right? You look a little pale. Are you feeling ill again?”

Lapis quickly shakes her head. She takes a step away from Pearl, brushing her away.

This moment… had made her feel wonderful but now she feels like she might be sick. This feeling, it was all wrong. She had seen gems shattered for far less. What Blue Diamond would do to her, to Pearl, if she could see this, made her skin freeze.

Pearl is staring at her, concern and worry all over her face, which only makes her more ill.

Pearl reaches out her hand, but Lapis steps away from her.

“What’s wrong?” Pearl asks her, worry lacing through her voice.

Lapis shakes her head, her throat dry.

“Everything.” She answers tersely, her voice cracking. Pearl opens her mouth again, but Lapis can’t bear to stay and hear it. With a swoosh her wings form behind her and she darts off into the sky.

                                                    -:-

She flies away, no real idea where she is actually going, the only thought in her mind being to get away.

Far, far away from Pearl. The world is small below her, the wind blowing through her short hair.

Finally she stops, alighting onto the ground, somewhere far away, somewhere she can have space from everyone.

She glances around at the surroundings, which are very unremarkable. She has landed in some sort of field, with trees lining the sides. She lets out an exhausted sob, collapsing onto her knees, her wings fading back into nothing.

This was ridiculous behavior.

All because of a Pearl, no less.

She can feel hot tears burning as they roll down her cheeks.

She had to get a grip on herself, but instead, all she sees is the Pearl who served Blue Diamond. She had been pale and silent, hair always covering her eyes, the way Blue Diamond preferred. Lapis could remember the way she hunched over, making her tiny, thin form seem even weaker and smaller than she was. She held herself in a way that seemed to resemble groveling.

Just seeing her, always shriveling before Blue Diamond, made Lapis’s stomach turn. The very thought of being so weak; being forced to be so humble just to survive was always unimaginable to her.

But now here she was, five thousand years later and her world had been reversed in ways that she would never have fathomed.

More tears run down her cheeks but she doesn’t bother to wipe them away.

What did it matter anyway? No one is there to see them.

She blinks at that thought.

This… this is the first time she has been alone, truly alone. There are no Crystal Gems, no Jasper bellowing in her head, trying to drive her to breaking. Not even Steven is here.

She lays onto her back, the tall grass blowing softly around her. Lapis sighs, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

The clouds gust across the sky as light changes in moments from the bright blue to purple and orange. The way time passes so quickly on this world always did surprise her.

Suddenly, she hears someone walking through the grass, rustling it slightly.

For a moment she considers flying away again, but then decides that running away twice is too cowardly, even for her.

She sits up, glancing behind her, the last person she would ever expect to see walking towards her.

Garnet walks slowly to where she sits, her tall form casting a shadow across Lapis’s eyes. Lapis stares at her, expression blank.

She blinks, then remembers that her face is covered in tears. Garnet says nothing, just looks at her, expression hidden behind her visor.

Slowly, she bends down on to her knees, almost at Lapis’s hight. “Pearl said you had run away.”

“I forgot I was your prisoner.” She says, her voice almost letting out a sob.

Garnet frowns, sitting down beside her. “Pearl was worried about you. She thought she had done something to make you mad.” Lapis looks up at that.

“She would have come herself but she was afraid that you wouldn’t talk to her.” Garnet smiles dryly.

Lapis hangs her head, knowing that everything Garnet had said was true.

They sit in silence.

“If something is wrong, I can help you.”

Lapis sniffs, wiping her cheek.  “I don’t need help.” Lapis turns her head away in silence hoping that the fusion will take the hint and leave.

She doesn’t.

Garnet just keeps sitting there, obviously not leaving until she says something.

Finally she sighs, giving up. “Pearl didn’t do anything to make me mad. I’m not upset with her.”

Garnet doesn’t respond for a minute. “You left for a reason.”

Lapis silently groans, wishing that the fusion would just let it go. But apparently Garnet has no intention of giving up.

“I can still feel her inside me.” she can feel tears swelling up and she can’t stop them. Not anymore.

She turns her head toward Garnet, tears streaking down her cheeks. “Will she ever leave? Why won’t she just go away!” she’s sobbing now, and she feels wet and sticky and clammy and even more ill than she had felt before.

Sometime she is vaguely aware of Garnet wrapping her arms around her and pulling her close. But she’s crying too hard to tell. Garnet carefully rubs her back, slowly calming her sobs to sniffles.

Hesitantly Lapis pulls away. Garnet smiles at her in the mysterious way she always does.

She wipes embarrassingly at her cheeks. “Sorry…I just.. I don’t know.” She rubs her arm, face hot.

“I know Jasper hurt you. I know you hurt her.”

Lapis shrugs weakly. “If I could have hurt her more I would have.”

“I’m fine with that. She forced you to fuse with her.”

“But I could have stopped her if I had really wanted to, I could have done something-“ Garnet holds up her hand, stopping her.

“The future is complicated. But I do know that fusing with Jasper was inevitable.” She readjusts her glasses. “It was going to happen sooner or later, and it would be horrible for both of you in every situation.”

Garnet is silent now, as the wind rustles the grass around them.

Lapis stares down at her hands, the blue skin there covered in little lines, some a faded blue, others still a jagged gold.

Scars.

She clenches her hands.

Finally she lifts her eyes to where she feels sure Garnet is staring at her, expression betraying nothing.

“Why are you here? What do you want from helping me?”

“The reason that we’re leaving you free after you tried to kill us?” Lapis frowns, crossing her arms. “Yeah.”

Garnet sighs, although it honestly sounds more like a huff. “You’re very powerful. And we want you on our side.”

Lapis arches an eyebrow. “So that’s it? You want me to fight the Diamonds with you?”

If that was the way they reasoned, then that was just plain ridiculous.

“Not entirely. You’ve done many questionable things. But we all have. And having you around makes things very…interesting.”

Garnet grins. “Steven likes having you here as well.”

Garnet smiles mysteriously. “As does Pearl.”

Lapis feels her cheeks warm slightly. “Pearl- She’s not mad at me or anything, is she?”

Garnet chuckles. “Nah, she’s worried that she upset you.”

Garnet eyes her curiously. “Did she?”

Lapis’s face had to be neon by now. “N-no.”

Garnet’s face shows nothing, but Lapis could almost swear she could see the fusion’s mouth twitching slightly.

“Anyway,” Garnet continues on, “Do you feel like coming back now?”

Lapis doesn’t answer, as her eyes look past Garnet, staring wide- eyed at the edge of the horizon. In the brightness of the sunset a beam of harsh red light cuts through the sky, shining down at them.

Garnet gasps, but Lapis merely stares palely at the Homeworld drone descending out of the sky towards them.


	7. Chapter 7

The drone descended from the sky with a low hum. In a flash of light Garnet summons her gauntlets.

The drone shines a red light across their faces, casting shadows around the grass.

Garnet stands in front of Lapis, the drone’s light glaring at them.

Lapis tries to feel the churning will of the water around her, but it is still frustratingly absent. She has no choice but to duck behind Garnet.

But hiding at all is unnecessary, as the drone’s light slides over both their forms before the drone switches to white light and flying back up into the sky. In a second it is gone.

Lapis lets out a breath. Garnet turns to face her frowning. “That- thing, it was sent by Homeworld.”

Lapis nods weakly. “Probably by Yellow Diamond. I don’t know any more about it than you do. Any tech like that is much after my time.”

Garnet nods in agreement. “ Did you feel it? The light it was sending out was scanning our gems. It- whatever it was- wasn’t after us.”

Lapis felt even sicker.

“So… who do you think it was here for?”

She gets nothing but silence for an answer.

    

                                                             -:-

After their encounter with the drone Garnet is in a hurry to get back to the temple. It turns out that there was a warp pad relatively close to where she had landed before.

They warp back to the temple, only to find it dead empty. Garnet practically charges out the door, leaving Lapis to run after her.

When they finally get to the barn Lapis is almost breathing hard.

Pearl is outside working with Peridot on a panel lying on the ground while Amethyst and Steven play a game involving oddly shaped cards.

Pearl notices them and beams at both of them, but her smile fades as she notices Garnet’s expression. “Garnet what’s wrong?”

“Pearl we need to talk.” She gestures to her to follow her inside the barn.

Steven runs up to her, worry on his face. “Lapis are you okay? Where did you go? What’s wrong with Garnet?” Lapis blinks at his rapid fire questions, not sure how to answer.

“I- well-“ she stops as Amethyst and Peridot walk over to them. “Steven I don’t think she caught half of that,” Amethyst says chuckling.

Her expression turns serious as she faces Lapis. “But really. What happened? Garnet doesn’t normally look that freaked.”

They all look at her expectantly. She opens her mouth but before she can answer, Garnet and Pearl come out of the barn.

“We have a problem.” Garnet’s tone, so unlike earlier, was serious and low. Her visor glints in the darkness, reflecting the stars above. Steven’s eyebrows knot together.

Lapis vaguely wonders how much of this he understands. Hopefully as little as possible.

“Garnet what’s going on?”

“Yeah, this is all just weird,” Amethyst adds, joining in.

“Lapis and I encountered one of Homeworld’s drones this afternoon.” Instantly the mood drops.

Glancing around Lapis can tell that even though not all of them understand exactly what this means, none of them are happy.

“It only scanned us before it flew away.”

“You weren’t its target.” Amethyst says, crossing her arms. Garnet nods.

“I am.”

Everyone turns to look at the tiny green gem beside Amethyst.

Peridot is staring at the ground, and even though Lapis really couldn’t care less about the Peridot, she feels a pang of pity for the gem, because honestly Peridot looks like she’s almost shaking with fear. She understands why, because if Blue Diamond had branded her as a traitor she doesn’t know what she would do.

Amethyst steps closer to Peridot, eyebrows knitting together. “You don’t know that it’s here for you.”

Peridot sniffs, looking up from the ground. “I betrayed Yellow Diamond. And she isn’t going to let me live for it.” she says miserably.

“We’re not gonna let that happen!” Peridot just sniffles and looks away from Amethyst.

Lapis watches the pair, and she thinks that the scene before her was more personal than she was aware of. She wonders if Amethyst and Peridot were closer than she had noticed. Pearl looks as if she is thinking the same as Lapis.

Steven seems to be slightly more out of things as he turns to Garnet. “Did Yellow Diamond really send a drone to kill Peridot?”

Garnet seems to hesitant before answering, probably not eager to scare him. But Steven looks at her pleadingly, and Lapis knows not even Garnet can resist Steven.

She sighs. “We don’t know anything for sure Steven.”

His face is skeptical.

“We will all have to be vigilant. A homeworld war drone is dangerous to everyone, not just who it was sent for.”

“So what do you suggest we do? Just hope for the best till it hunts us all down?” Amethyst asks, her snappy tone surprising Lapis.

“No.” Garnet shifts her glasses again. “We need to stay in pairs. Nobody should be anywhere alone.”

Although she says this to the group, Lapis gets the feeling that she’s really talking about Peridot.

Peridot is standing next to Amethyst, hunched over with her arms folded around herself. Amethyst is scowling, and looks like she’s about to punch something. Everyone is silent, unsure what to do.

Abruptly Garnet moves, turning to Steven. “Steven you need to get some rest.” He nods, blinking slowly, making Lapis wonder how tired he really is.

“Let’s go back to the temple.” Garnet extends her hand out to him and he takes it. Garnet holds it tightly as she leaps strongly into the air. In a instant they are gone into the darkness.

Amethyst clears her throat. “Hey Peri, let’s go find something to do in the barn.” she says quietly. Peridot looks up for the first time and Lapis notices that her eyes are watery.

She nods.

They both leave, and as they go Amethyst slips Peridot’s hand into her own.

Then it is just her and Pearl.

As always.

The darkness is deafening, and unlike the other night the stars are hidden by the clouds. But it’s different this time. Pearl is here with her. And as she snaps out of her thoughts she realizes that Pearl is staring at her.

Pearl’s eyes look odd in the dark. Even though there is no light, they almost seem luminescent in the black. They are hypnotizing and actually quite pretty-

She clears her throat. “So you’re my buddy.”

Pearl blinks. “Um… yes, well, I suppose I am.”

Lapis sighs, plopping down on the grassy hill. Pearl hesitant for a moment before sitting down next to her.

“So…” Lapis murmurs, trying to fill the slightly awkward silence.

“Do you want to talk about earlier?” Pearl asks her quietly, glancing at her quickly.

Lapis shrugs, turning away from Pearl slightly. “There’s nothing really to talk about.”

“I- I didn’t mean to make you upset.”  Lapis rubs her thumb over one of the gold slashes on her hand. All the words that she wants to say bubble up in her mind, but she realizes that she doesn’t know how to say most of them. The air around them is thick and uncomfortable and she hates herself for making it this way.

“Pearl… do you remember what Homeworld is like?”

Pearl looks at her, surprised at the abrupt change of subject. “Yes. Most of which I wish I could forget.” She answers honestly.

Lapis arches an eyebrow. “Most?”

Pearl smiles ruefully. “Most. But not all.” She smiles softly. Probably remembering better places, better times.

“Why? Do you want to go back to your diamond?” Pearl asks jokingly, stopping as she sees Lapis’s expression.

Lapis exhales slowly, trying to find the right words. Pearl reaches out her hand to touch her shoulder, but then thinks better of it. “Lapis, please, what’s wrong?”

Lapis feels her cheeks heat, but ignores it. “I- you wouldn’t understand.”

“You can trust me. I promise.” Pearl’s glistening blue eyes pour into her earnestly and Lapis simultaneously feels better and worse than she ever has.

“Don’t tell.” she whispers, her voice cracking.

Pearl nods instantly.

“The life I had, who I was… it’s all gone. After Steven freed me from the mirror it’s been gone. I can’t remember any of it.” Pearl stares at her, face unreadable.

“But you still remember about Homeworld and the diamonds.”

“l know what every gem knows when they’re created. But everything else, the life I had, the gems I knew, all of it’s in fragments.”

Pearl reaches out to touch her shoulder and this time she doesn’t pull away.

“What do you remember?”

Lapis shrugs listlessly. “I remember Blue Diamond. I served her.” Pearl nods. “I remember the Pearl she had…she was nothing like you.”

Pearl smiles dryly at this.

Lapis continues, the sick feeling in her chest lifting as she spoke. “I had many guards all the time, but I never needed them. They annoyed me.”

She smiles as she remembers slight pieces of everything. Everything might have been shattered but pieces were there. Small pieces.

“I remember The War. Everyone was shocked when it began.” She frowns. “There was so much fighting…I hated it so much. It was close to the end. I know the Diamonds were planning to build some kind of weapon. Something to stop the rebels once and for all. But then it just stops. I don’t know anything after that.”

She looks at Pearl for the first time and Pearl is just looking at her, eyes unreadable. The way Pearl is staring at her makes her feel vulnerable.

She scowls. She was a fool to share so much of her weaknesses with Pearl.

She moves to leave but Pearl’s hand closes around her wrist.

“What are you-“ She stops as she feels Pearl’s lips ghost against her cheek. It is nothing more than a peck but it’s enough to make her freeze.

Quickly Pearl releases her wrist and steps away. “I- sorry,” she murmurs, before turning and walking quickly away.

Lapis can do nothing but gap as she raises a hand to her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters are gonna start explaining exactly what happened to Lapis's memories and how she got trapped in the mirror in the first place. As angsty as possible tho ;) 
> 
> Also I love hearing what u guys think, so please comment below and tell me!! Thanks so much!!!


	8. Chapter 8

The night, dark from all the clouds churning in the sky turned out to be foreboding for the next morning, as it ended up violently pouring rain.  Pearl poked her head outside and decided that all the drill work should be brought inside the barn so they could continue working. After a few trips into the storm and everyone grumbling all the way, everything was hauled into the barn.

Once they were finished and the doors were shut, keeping out the rain, everyone is soaked to the bone. Pearl shivers once before walking off, muttering something about laundry.

Lapis shrugs, simply willing the water off of her body, completely dry in seconds.

Amethyst groans, her huge mass of hair completely soaked. “Damn! This is never gonna dry!” She complains loudly.

Suddenly an evil grin spreads across her face. Without warning, she flips her mane of hair wildly over her head, flinging water droplets over everyone, including Pearl, who had just came back with now dripping wet towels.

“Amethyst!” Amethyst fails to bite back her smirk. “Whoops. Sorry P, didn’t see you there.”

Pearl huffs, stomping off, which with her thin body is kind of cute.  Admittedly she looks something like a bird with it's feathers ruffled.  Lapis stares after her, eyes following her across the room as she begins to speak to Peridot.

She seemed to always gesture wildly with her hands while she spoke or explained something. Lapis had realized that this was a sign she was feeling emotional about whatever it was that she was talking about. She feels her lips curl into a fond smile. 

“So...you gotta thing for Pearl, huh?”

Amethyst’s voice from behind her causes her to jump in surprise. Her eyebrows scrunch together and she frowns. “What? No.” she crosses her arms, staring down at the ground.

Amethyst’s eyes glance between her and Pearl. Suddenly she laughs. “Oh my god, you do! You like Pearl!”

" _Keep your voice down_!" she hisses, her cheeks flaming. “And, no. I don’t.” she answers flatly, smoothing her skirt.

Amethyst tilts her head. “I mean, it’s not like I blame you or anything,” she says carelessly, flopping down beside her. “Cause even though Pearl is crazy annoying sometimes,” Amethyst glances at Pearl, “she can also be mad hot sometimes,” she says slyly, grinning.

Lapis glares at her.

Amethyst raises her arms in surrender. “Hey, hey, no need to get hissy! And besides, you need my help.”

 Lapis tilts her head stubbornly. “Why? I don’t need help because I'm not going to do anything.” Amethyst looks at her reproachfully.

“Seriously girl? You are not going to just stare at her from your creepy corner for the next thousand years.” Lapis glances back at Pearl, who is smiling widely at something Peridot said.

She feels even sicker.

Amethyst stares at her insistently. She sighs, frustrated. “Why are you so afraid to make a move?”

“I’m not afraid of anything.”

“Well then, go talk to her.” Amethyst’s smirk is half gleeful and half just plain evil. Lapis grits her teeth.  “Fine.”

As she walks across the barn Lapis remembers that the last time she had actually spoken to Pearl was last night. When Pearl had kissed her.

And then ran off.

What if Pearl regretted kissing her and that was why she hadn't said anything to her?  What if Pearl thought that she was too broken, too much of a terror to go near.

Lapis was so lost in worrying, that she failed to notice where she was walking, and nearly rammed into Pearl.

“Oh! Lapis!” Pearl says, fumbling with the armful of tools she is carrying, almost dropping them.

Lapis swallows, tucking her short hair behind her ear. Now what was she supposed to do? Why had she let Amethyst gloat her into this?

“I just, um, wanted to say thanks. For listening.”  Pearl looks at her blankly.  "Last night." She clarifies. Pearl immediately turns a violent shade of blue. “Oh, sure, anytime! Glad to help!” Pearl answers shrilly.

Suddenly the space between them feels as if it’s tiny, yet at the same time, huge.

Lapis doesn’t know what to do, yet at the same time knows exactly what she wants, _wishes_ , she could do.  But apparently that isn’t going to happen, because the only thing that she can force herself to do at the moment is nod once at Pearl and then dart away, as far as she can go inside the barn, at least.

Amethyst is still slouched back in the corner, and Lapis assumes that she saw the entire disaster play out.

“Not a word.” she mutters grumpily, leaning against the wall. Amethyst just chuckles. “Yeah, you’ve totally got this under control.”

When Lapis doesn’t answer Amethyst sighs. “Okay, if you’re not going to do anything to try and get Pearl’s attention then do you want to do something to take your mind off Pearl? Just for a little while ya know?”

Lapis shrugs listlessly, distracted by her failure. “What do you have in mind?”

 

                                                                                  -:-

Apparently Amethyst’s way of forgetting about things was to drown it out over loud music and flashing lights. Neither of which Lapis cared much for. But this was what Amethyst said that humans did to let loose.

She called it partying, or maybe clubbing, she couldn’t remember now.

Amethyst called it fun.  A bunch of humans wildly swaying their bodies to some kind of techno music while being tightly pressed against one another, was not her idea of fun.

When they had first entered the odd building, Amethyst called it a warehouse.  Lapis had already been reluctant about the entire thing, but since the other option was going back to the barn, and with everyone crammed inside it the entire day she felt desperate to get away.

To get away from Pearl.

She stands off to the side, where it seems like she lives her life now. To the side.

She absently swirls the plastic cup that Amethyst had shoved into her hand when they had arrived, promising that she’d love it. After taking the barest sip of the red liquid inside, she immediately spits it back into the cup. This was a terrible idea.

Carefully she brushes her hair behind her ear. Quickly she glances around, wincing from the flashing lights, trying to find Amethyst. She is nowhere to be found.

Lapis wraps her arms around herself as she stares down at the floor. This was awful.

The music was too loud, the foul liquid was making her feel sick and heavy, and Amethyst was gone.

Someone taps her shoulder and she jumps, dropping her cup.

The red liquid spills across the floor.

A human male stares at her, smiling at her in a way that makes Lapis chilled. “Hey baby, I gotta say, never seen a girl quite like you come here before.”

The human’s words are low and heavy, and Lapis feels vaguely ill.

He places his hand against the wall behind her, leaning on it, closing her in.

He is near enough to her face that she can smell the drink that Amethyst gave her thick on his breath. “That's because I’ve never been here.”

He grins at her. “Well it’s a shame such gorgeous girl like you is alone at a party like this.” She takes a step back, but finds herself already pressed against the wall.

“But if you don’t like to dance, what do you say we make our own fun?” He runs his hand up her shoulder and Lapis flames.

How dare he touch her. She shuts her eyes willing, begging for her power to come to her, the power that would let her tear his face off.

It doesn’t come. Her anger is replaced by fear. He is toying with the ribbon on her top and Lapis tries to shove him away, but he grabs her wrist.

She struggles, as she feels her eye swell with tears.

“Hey! What’d you think you’re doin’?”

A dark skinned girl stands above them, scowling angrily at the male on her. All the slink seems to leave him as the girl starts yelling more at him.

“This is a jerkass free party. So get off that girl and get your ass out that door.” She tells him so firmly that even Lapis is scared.

He scowls, leaving with a huff, cursing under his breath.

Once he’s gone Lapis lets out a strangled gasp, feeling terrified and relieved all at the same time. The girl that has saved her turns to her and smiles.

“Hey, I’m real sorry ‘bout that. Usually we try to keep the creeps in here at a minimum.” She holds out her hand to Lapis.

Hesitantly, Lapis takes it.

“Thank you,” she whispers, finally finding her voice. “Thank you so much.”

The girl shrugs. “Nah, no biggie. You just gotta know how to handle guys. And apparently you…don’t?”

Lapis shakes her head. “Well then girl, we got loads to talk ‘bout.”

She grins at Lapis, taking her arm. Her gold earrings flash in the colored lights.

“My name’s Jenny, by the way.” Lapis smiles gratefully.

“Lapis.”

Jenny smiles at her, locking elbows with her. “Well then, Lapis, nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Sorry updates were a little slow, I've been doing testing for the past week and it's taken a lot of my time. 
> 
> Also comment and tell me what you think of the story so far, it's always really inspiring for me to keep writing!


	9. Chapter 9

“So,” Jenny drawls, taking a sip from her drink, “tell me. Why did ya even bother comin’ tonight if you weren’t even gonna dance?”

Lapis snorts, rolling her eyes, smiling slightly. “I was forced.”

Jenny smirks. “Ooo, I gotta hear this. Spill.”

Lapis smirks at Jenny’s forceful manner. After Jenny had rescued her from the guy from earlier, she had insisted that Lapis talk to her, claiming she wanted to make sure she didn’t get into any more trouble.

Lapis hardly complained, secretly glad for the company.

Jenny was vastly different from any of the gems, with her fast talking manner and painfully blunt attitude. It was inthralling.

Lapis blinks, smiling slyly, brushing her bangs against her forehead. “One of my friends talked me into coming. I don’t know if you’ve met her.” Jenny laughs at that, and the sound is wonderful.

“Please.” she scoffs, waving her hand, “I’ve met everyone.”

“You’ve never met me.”

“Well I fixed that quickly, didn’t I?” Jenny smiles at her smugly.

Lapis is slightly taken aback. They stare at each other for a moment before Jenny clears her throat. “So… what’s your friend’s name?”

“Amethyst.” Jenny stares at her for a second. “So wait, hold on. You’re a gem too?”

Lapis nods. Her eyes widen for a moment before she grins. “That’s why you’re blue.”

Lapis glances down at herself. “How did you not notice? Most humans tend to make a big deal out of things like that.”

Jenny shrugs carelessly, taking another sip of her drink. “Honestly? I just assumed you enjoyed wearing body paint.” Lapis blinks for a moment.

She snorts. Soon they’re both laughing. This is so easy, and it honestly makes her feel better than she has in a long time. As soon as they calm down Lapis sighs happily. She pulls her knees up against her chest.

“Thanks.” Jenny just flashes her a smile. She flops down beside Lapis, sloshing half her drink out of her cup. “So, now that we’re so close, tell me. Why did you really even come here tonight? You clearly don’t want to be here.”

Lapis frowns, her eyes drooping to the pavement. “I- there’s someone… and I couldn’t stand to be around them anymore.”

Jenny arches an eyebrow. “Wow, hate them that much?” Lapis shakes her head.

Jenny’s eyes widen.

“Oh. So it’s a love thing.” Lapis glances at her. “No it…” she trails off. “How would I know?”

Jenny smirks. “If you need to ask then it probably is.”

Lapis groans. “So, is it an evil ex, or unrequited love?”

“I don’t know if she’s interested in me, or if she even cares about me at all.” Lapis murmurs, drooping slightly. “But then I don’t know if I care about her. Ugg, all this feeling makes me sick.”

“Yep, sounds ‘bout right,” Jenny adds, unhelpfully.

“So how do I get rid of it?” She says, turning fiercely to the other girl.

“Hmm…” she dramatically ponders for a moment before answering. “Lock you and this mystery girl in a closet and makeout with her. If the feelings gone then you know you probably just had the flu or something. If it’s worse then…” She pauses, smirking at the look on Lapis’s face.

“Then what?” She laughs.

“Then you’ll probably just wanna stay in the closet.”

Jenny snorts as Lapis blushes violently.

“But for real.” she says, turning more serious. “Liking someone and they don’t know it?” She groans. “bout as sucky as you can get.”

Lapis rubs her hands against her bare arms, almost as if to keep out the cold feeling creeping into her form. The wind gusts through her short hair, blowing it around her face.

“I’m not sure what I should do.” Jenny looks at her flatly.

“What do you do? Come on girl, you go for it! And don’t worry so much.”

Lapis sighs. Maybe they were all right, and she should risk telling Pearl. The worst thing that would happen is Pearl wouldn’t feel the way she did. That she would look at her with disgust, or worse, fear.

“Who are we even talkin about anyway?” Jenny asks curiously.

“Pearl.” Lapis says casually.

Lapis quickly leans to one side, as Jenny spits out her drink. “What?” she sputters, wiping her face off.

Now Lapis is the one to raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“This whole time you were talking about Pearl? Like one of Steven’s moms?”

Lapis nods.

“Damn.”

She takes a long swig of her drink. “That’s…harder.”

“What do you mean?”

“That gem stuff is just a tad out of my expertise.” Lapis groans, putting her face into her hands. “What am I going to do?”

She moans, feeling her stomach start to churn again.

Jenny shrugs. “I’d still go for it. I mean you’re ‘bout as weird as Pearl, no offense. And has she done anything to you? Anything that makes you think she wouldn’t like you?”

Lapis shrugs listlessly. “I don’t think so. It’s just that… last night I told her something personal and she-“

“Bluntly smacked you in your face? Before calling you a huge stupid idiot?”

Lapis glares at her. “No.”

She pauses, exhaling. “She…listened and it seemed like she actually cared. And then…” She swallows. “She…kissed my cheek and then ran off. But this morning she would hardly even look at me. That’s why I let Amethyst bring me here tonight.” She lowers her head. “I just couldn’t stand being around Pearl anymore.”

She lets out an almost desperate laugh, brushing her hair out of her eyes. “Stars… I’m so pathetic.”

Jenny stares at her, a little surprised. “You’re not pathetic. I mean, you kinda are, cause it seems like you could have totally made a move and you just didn’t, but feeling bad about it doesn’t make you pathetic.”

Lapis looks at her and despite the wind blowing against the roof where they stood, feels a warm feeling blossom in her chest.

 

                                                           -:-

After a little while Amethyst had finally come looking for her and found her outside the warehouse talking with Jenny. Even though she still didn’t know what she was going to do, Jenny’s advice helped.

She and Amethyst both bid her goodbye and started the trudge back to the temple.

Lapis giggles when she notices that Amethyst has several small stickers stuck on her cheek. “You have something,” she gestures to her face.

“Oh, thanks.” Amethyst picks at them, her violet eyes darting to Lapis’s smile. “Wow, you really perked up. Enjoy the party?”

Lapis shrugs. “Actually I kinda hated it. But meeting Jenny was nice.”

Amethyst chuckles. “Yeah, she’s definitely a character.”

They walk along the beach, fading into silence. As they reach the temple Amethyst yawns. “I think I’m gonna go get some sleep. You coming?”

Lapis shakes her head. “I think I’m going to keep walking.”

“You sure you wanna be out here by yourself? What if the drone comes back?”

Lapis looks at her a little skeptically. “I can protect myself,” she answers, nodding at the ocean beside them, “And we both know that the drone wasn’t after me.”

Amethyst looks at her for a moment and she looks like she wants to say something more, but decides against it, shrugging. “Okay, suit yourself.”

Lapis watches her leave before she smiles. The water swishes, but the sound feels very far away.

Lapis takes a deep breath, shutting her eyes. When she reaches the water, flowing cooly against her foot, she exhales, before taking another step into the water. She only stops when the water reaches her chest.

Slowly she lets go of the sand under her feet, easing to float on her back. The stars twinkle silently down at her.

She replays the night in her mind, and breathes out heavily. Thoughts of Pearl flicker in her mind.

Lapis was fairly sure that she liked Pearl, but just how much and what that meant, was the part she was unsure about. What if she told Pearl all of this?

If it turned out that Lapis was wrong about the way she felt, then she would have dragged Pearl through a cruel mess. It would hurt Pearl, hurt them both.

And what if Pearl didn’t feel that way about her?

Lapis stomach clenches. That would almost be worse.

But all this worrying and uncertainty was driving her mad. She needed to figure out a way to know for certain how she felt about Pearl, and how Pearl felt about her without rushing into a relationship or romance.

She blinks at the thought of a relationship.

With Pearl.

The idea is entirely ludicrous, and something that would be considered outrageous back on Homeworld, but Lapis can’t stop a stupid smile from blooming across her face.

She shut her eyes, trying to clear her train of thought. No, this wasn’t realistic thinking. She needed to be practical. First, she needed to spend more time with Pearl so she could be sure if she really did like Pearl.

And maybe, if she was lucky, Pearl might possibly like her in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So at least Lapis is out of denial (kinda) and is going to start hanging out with Pearl. But who knows how well that'll go;)
> 
> Also, has anyone seen the new SU promo for May? I'm dyinggggg it's sooo good;0
> 
> As always, I love hearing what you guys think, it always really inspires me to keep writing<33


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning brought a bright sky, so unlike the pouring rain from the day before. Surprisingly she was able to sit and meditate outside the barn without being interrupted by anyone.

Peridot was tucked away in the barn working.  She claimed to be working on some project, but Lapis suspected that she was afraid to leave the barn without the other gems around, if the drone came back. The other gems and Steven were probably still at the temple.

But for now she just sat, soaking in the blissful silence.

“Hi Lapis!”

Spoke too soon.

As she opens her eyes she sees Steven running up to her, and has only a second to brace herself before he slams into her, giving her a huge hug. She awkwardly pats him with her arms, which are now pinned to her side.

He releases her with another beaming smile and Lapis notices a girl standing over to the side.

It's the same girl from the party the other night. Steven’s friend. She stands, almost hesitantly, but there is something in her eyes. A kind of steel, and Lapis can tell that she’s wary of her, but not afraid.

Lapis smiles. “Hello.”

Steven glances between them, noticing the awkwardness.

“Oh! Sorry, Lapis this is my friend Connie!” He says, gesturing to the girl. She smiles to Lapis, not unfriendly.

“It’s nice to meet you Lapis.” She nods in response. Connie glances at Steven when Lapis still says nothing.

“Um… anyway Lapis, me and Connie were gonna go swimming today, and we just wondered if you wanted to come with us?”

His voice was hopeful and Lapis couldn’t muster a no. Besides, it wasn’t like she had anything else to do today. And on another side Steven was a fountain of knowledge about the Crystal gems. Maybe this way she could learn more about Pearl.

She smiles faintly.

“I’d love to.”

 

                                                        -:- 

 

The three of them walk down to the beach together, and at first it feels awkward, and it is.

But with Steven occasionally making a dumb cat joke, and Connie slowly starting to unthaw around her, the tension begins to lift. Once they get to the beach Steven takes off his shirt and Connie removes her dress, revealing a swimsuit underneath.

As soon as they’re both undressed Steven grabs her hand pulling her toward the water. Connie runs after them, and soon they’re all soaked to the bone. And Lapis is surprised at just how fun it is.

Simply playing in the water with Steven and his friend, not worrying about anything.  They are both very impressed when Lapis makes a wave of water transform into a cloud of glistening butterflies.

Lapis feels a spark of happiness as Steven gasps as they flutter around them. Connie laughs as one lands on her shoulder.

She had forgotten what it had felt like to use her magic in this way. Instead of fighting and chains at the bottom of the ocean. It makes her feel lighter in a way, and without even thinking about it, her face starts to smile.

 

                                                      -:-

 

The sun is dipping when they finally start back to the temple. As they walk in the door to the temple, Lapis notices that Pearl is waiting on them.

She’s sitting on the sofa, reading a book and when she looks up, Lapis smiles at her, wide and happy.

Steven flops down on the sofa beside her and groans. “Steven, you’re covered in sand.” Pearl says, frowning.

Lapis smirks. “Well we were on the beach all day.”

“Steven, why don’t you and Connie go and get cleaned up before dinner?” Steven nods. “Sure Pearl.”

He gets up, and he and Connie go deeper into the house.

Noticing Steven’s absence beside Pearl, she flops down beside her. Pearl suddenly flushes, and clears her throat. “So- did you have fun with Steven and Connie? You were out an awfully long time.”

Lapis sighs.  “It was nice. Connie was very sweet too.” Pearl smiles, nodding.

“Yes, she is. They both are.” She says fondly.

They are both silent, unsure what to say.

“What’s that?” Lapis blurts, nodding at Pearl’s book. Pearl looks at her, surprised, and Lapis feels her face flush. Why had she just said that? She mentally kicked herself.

Pearl’s face changes from surprise to understanding. “It’s a book. Humans use them to share their words and ideas.”

Lapis nods awkwardly.

“It’s not that important, I mean to know how humans do things, I know it's very strange and complicated- and I forgot they didn’t use books back on Homeworld.” Pearl says quickly.

Lapis smiles faintly at Pearl’s attempt to make her feel less like an idiot. But it only served as a reminder of just how out of place she really was.

After a moment Lapis tilts her head. “Can I see it?”

Pearl hands her the book, and her long fingers brush Lapis’s.

Her breath catches, and she quickly clears her throat, grasping the book. “Thanks.”

Opening the book, she finds that each page in it is covered in strange symbols. They are, she assumes, are the words that Pearl spoke of.

She quickly flips through the pages, but none of them mean anything to her. She can sense Pearl looking over her shoulder, but tries to ignore it.

She clears her throat. “So… this is how humans write?”

Pearl nods.

Lapis makes a small hm. “It would be more interesting if I could understand it.” She drops the book back onto the sofa.

“If- if you wanted, I could teach you. To read it.” Pearl says, voice tiny.

Lapis glances over at her, Pearl staring very firmly at her lap. “Really?”

Pearl blinks. “I mean, it’s fine if you don’t want to, I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want-“

“I want to learn.” Pearl looks up at her for the first time.

“I want to.” she repeats, for herself as much as Pearl. “I’m stuck on Earth. Maybe forever. And I need to try to fit in.”

She lets out a breath. “And learning to read what humans know and think will help.”

She suddenly is filled with impulse, and reaches for Pearl’s hand. “So would you?”

Pearl looks almost stiff, and Lapis worries if she has done the wrong thing. But then Pearl unfreezes and nods at her, a nervous smile on her face.

Suddenly Steven and Connie are back, and Steven is saying something about dinner.  Lapis quickly moves her hand away from Pearl's.

 “Um… maybe we should start our lessons after Steven goes to bed.”

Lapis glances over at Steven, who is telling some kind of story to Connie that involves a lot of arm waving. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

Pearl smiles weakly. Quickly she stands, as a crash is heard in the kitchen. “Steven what was that? Be careful!”

Lapis bit back a smile as Pearl fussed. Now she had a real reason to spend time with Pearl. And Pearl had even suggested it herself. Although that could just be her being nice.

She would just have to try and figure Pearl out herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date!!!! Sorta! But who knows how awkward that'll be?
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is later and shorter than I really wanted, but finals are pretty much taking over my life right now. But just out of curiosity, which would you guys rather: longer chapters and less updates or more updates with shorter chapters? 
> 
> As always, I love hearing what you guys think, so please comment and tell me!


	11. Chapter 11

It turned out that the crash in the kitchen had been from a bowl that had ‘accidentally’ dropped on the floor. Pearl had fussed for a good five minutes then shoved Steven and Connie out of the kitchen while she puttered around, cleaning up all the shards of broken glass. 

Lapis had offered to help, but Pearl had merely smiled and shaken her head.

Unsure what to do then, she had drifted around for a little while after that.  Amethyst had warped in and they had chatted on the porch for a little while. 

Both of them were careful not to bring up the night before. She did reveal that she and Garnet had been out all day, looking for the drone. They hadn’t had any luck. 

Amethyst said it all carelessly, but Lapis could tell that she was still worried. Worried for Peridot. 

Garnet was with her now, and Lapis was pretty sure that she was safe.  But it was still impossible to guard against it every moment of the day.

Amethyst changed the subject quickly after that. 

After a while they both ran out of things to say and Amethyst went inside, leaving Lapis alone to her thoughts.

She stared out at the ocean, the waves crashing against the beach.  It was almost hypnotizing.  She sat there, the wind blowing her hair wildly around her face. 

Before she knew it the sky had faded to black and the stars were starting to faintly twinkle.

The door creaks open behind her, and Pearl creeps out.  She plops down beside Lapis, a stack of books in her arms. 

“Hey.” she says, softly.  “Steven and Connie are finally asleep. Is now all right?” 

Lapis blinks, then smiles softly.  “Yeah.” 

Pearl cracks one of the massive books open, before explaining about how humans had many various languages, but English was probably the most helpful for her to learn first, since that’s what everyone around them wrote in.  Pearl dropped one of the books into her lap and Lapis had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.  It was about as heavy as a brick. 

Pearl explained the alphabet and its 26 characters. That seemed strange to Lapis too.  Rather than 26 characters, Homeworld’s language had over 300. 

Lapis quickly discovered that once she started, it only got easier.  It also helped that Pearl was willing to repeat everything she said over and over. 

Pearl had her read passages from books out loud, and whenever she got stuck Pearl would smile easily, pointing out what she had said wrong. Pearl was patient,  probably more patient than she would have been, never getting annoyed with her, despite her complete cluelessness. 

After she finished the fourth passage, she stops, looking up at Pearl.  Pearl glances over, noticing her stopping.  “What?” 

Lapis traces her finger across one of the pages.   “I just…” she trails off, not sure where she was going with this.  

She turns to look at the waves, the moon shining against them.  “Lapis?” Pearl asks softly. 

Lapis turns back to Pearl, and she can’t help the smile that stretches across her face.   “Do you ever look around and just… I don’t know.  This... I'm glad it's here.  I'm glad I'm here.” 

Pearl looks at her curiously, but doesn’t say anything.  Lapis continues, unable to stop herself. 

“I know it’s strange to you, but when I was trapped in the mirror, I couldn’t see anything. Just hear voices. It was weird.” Her mouth twists into a wry smile.  “I was trapped in there for so long, I started to wonder if the world still even existed.  I thought... I thought that the voices I heard...  were just ghosts.  They never talked to me.” 

She sighs, putting her hands between her knees.  “And then I was freed.  And my fears… they were all wrong.”  She turns to Pearl, a small, sad smile on her face. 

“The universe I though was gone… still here.” She stops, having said all she needed. 

There is silence, only the sound of the waves swishing between them.  Lapis can’t quite make out Pearl’s expression in the darkness.  “Lapis…” Pearl says, her voice cracked slightly.   “I’m so sorry.”

Lapis glances at her, and Pearl’s eyes are wide, frantic.  

“I would’ve never kept the mirror for so long if I had known, that all this time…”  She sniffles, and her eyes are glassy, she looks as if she might cry.  “Lapis… I don’t know how to fix this.  I know that an apology doesn’t count for anything.  It doesn’t change anything that’s happened.  I just-“ She wipes at her eyes messily, sniffling. 

Lapis is stiff, having no idea what to do.  She hadn’t thought that Pearl would break down like this, about the mirror no less, something that Lapis hadn’t even really been holding against her.  But apparently it had been bothering Pearl quite a bit. 

Pearl sniffs again, pressing her head against her knees, unable to look at Lapis. 

Overwhelmed, Lapis acts without thinking, wrapping her arms tightly around Pearl. 

She feels Pearl shift uncomfortably, but she doesn’t let go.  Hesitantly, Pearl places her arms around Lapis’s waist and Lapis sighs, pulling her closer. 

They sit there, swaying slightly as Pearl’s sniffles fade.  Lapis buries her face into Pearl’s neck.  In the back of her mind she notices that Pearl's hair smells like roses. 

Pearl tugs away from her, wiping at her cheek with the back of her hand.  Lapis knows it’s time to stop, to leave, to pull away from her, but it’s as if she’s rooted to the ground.   

“Pearl.” Pearl glances up, eyes wide.  

Lapis takes a deep breath, still not sure what to say.  She decides on the truth.  “I’m not mad at you.”

Pearl’s shoulders slump. “Why?” 

“Because… I don’t think you knew I was inside the mirror. And life just sucks sometimes.” She pauses, carefully planning her words.  “I’m sick of making it suck even more by being angry at someone who just wants to help me.” 

Pearl stares at her, eyes wider than Lapis has ever seen.  Suddenly she’s very aware of just how close they are, their bodies practically touching.  

Lapis wonders if she should kiss Pearl. If it would be the right thing to do. 

She blinks. No. It wouldn’t. Just a moment ago Pearl was almost breaking down in her arms.  She couldn’t take advantage of Pearl like that. 

She clears her throat, turning back to the book resting in her lap.  And with that, the moment is broken. 

“So, should I keep reading?” Lapis says, full of forced cheerfulness. 

Pearl blinks. “Oh, yes. I’m sorry. Continue.”

The wind gusts around them, making the pages flutter wildly.

Lapis sighs faintly, and then begins reading again, her voice floating through the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kissy kiss! Or you know, not. ANYWAY. 
> 
> Thanks so much you guys for all your really sweet comments!!! I'm glad you all like where the story is going! And, since school is finally slowing down, hopefully I'll be able to update more!
> 
> Also, did all of you watch the new episode? I'm NOT okay. And Lapis is finally back:D


	12. Chapter 12

Lapis groans inwardly. This had not been a good idea.

“Okay Lapis, your turn!”

Lapis flicks the plastic arrow absently, watching it whirl around the attached piece of cardboard. It slowly stops at the number 4.

Steven beams. “Now you get to move your piece 4 places!”

She nods absently, only half listening.

It had begun to rain again, leaving all of them stuck inside the temple. Steven’s friend Connie had come over again, and they had decided to play a board game to pass the time.  Lapis was certainly bored with it.  She had chosen to play, not aware just how long or how boring it was going to be.  The rest of the gems were just around, popping in every so often through the day.

She blinks once, snapping out of her coma, then moves her piece across the board like Steven had instructed. He grins, then spins the wheel himself. It lands on the 5 and he grins, even wider this time.

Quickly he moves his piece to the end. “Yeah!”

Lapis smiles at his antics at winning for the third time in a row.

Connie studies the board. “Wow Steven, you’re really good at this game. Are you sure you didn’t rig it?” Connie says teasingly.

Steven looks at her, indignant. “Please. Don’t blame me ‘cause I’m just lucky.” Connie rolls her eyes, but she was still smiling.

Lapis bit her lip to hide her smile. They really were cute.

Steven grins. “Okay, who wants to play again?” Lapis and Connie both groan simultaneously.

Steven blinks. “Or, you know, not.”

Connie adjusts her glasses. “How about not.”

He shrugs easily. “Okay, what do you want to do Lapis?” Right now she would actually like to take a break. All this interaction was frankly exhausting her.

“Actually I'm feeling a little tired right now. I think I’m just going to take a break.” Steven glances at her, slightly concerned, but then he nods.

“Well, if you need us we’ll be here!” He gives her a thumbs up, and Lapis is at once overwhelmed at the effort that he’s making, just to make her feel as if she belongs here. These people are better than she gave them credit for.

She returns his smile, getting up. Her skirt swishes gently around her legs as she leaves.

She steps outside, noticing the rain has let up slightly, so now it is only a wet drizzle. Besides, a little water never bothered her anyway. She walks along the waterfront, her feet sinking a little into the sandy ground with each step.

Soon she reaches the boardwalk, and it's completely empty, which is to be expected, considering the terrible weather.

There are a few windows still open, and a boy about Steven’s age sits at one. He’s not paying her any attention, focused on a book. He glances up and waves. She hesitates, then returns the gesture.

Lapis continues on.

Finally she stops, finding what she had been looking for. A slightly worn down building just outside town, with an old van parked outside. The back doors of the van are open, and she can hear the sound of an instrument, with a voice floating along beside it.

She exhales, then walks over.

The man looks up as she walks around. “Hello. Are you Greg?”

The man looks mystified but then blinks, nodding. “Um, yeah, I am.”

Lapis nods. “I’m Lapis Lazuli.”

Greg still looks a little boggled, but he puts his instrument aside, holding his hand out. Hesitantly, Lapis shakes it.

Silently she thanks Steven for telling her what humans meant by that greeting.

Suddenly she speaks, breaking the silence. “I think I broke your leg a little while ago. I’m sorry I did that. I wasn’t trying to hurt you directly.”

Greg stares at her, before giving her a wide smile. “Oh, is that why you came by? Don’t worry ‘bout it. Besides, it wasn’t even that bad. Steven was able to heal it pretty quickly.”

Lapis smiled faintly. This man didn’t have to forgive her, yet he already had. She could see the many similarities that he and Steven shared. When she doesn’t say anything else, Greg clears his throat.

Perhaps she makes him as uncomfortable as he does her.

“What is that?” She asks, rather bluntly she realizes, gesturing to the instrument now laying off to the side.

“Oh this? It’s called a guitar. You use it to make music.” He thrums a few strings, making a thwanging sound. “Pretty neat, huh?”

She cocks her head, nodding. The guitar looked something slightly like instruments used on Homeworld, only slightly less complicated.

“What kind of music do you play on it?”

Greg shrugs. “I dunno know, just about anything. Got a request?”

She shakes her head. “Okay, uh what about this.” He begins to pluck the strings, and Lapis can hear a pattern in the sound.

She smiles faintly. The sound is… enjoyable. She nods her head with the melody, humming lightly. Greg grins, playing the rhythm faster.

The sound flows around her, seeping into her core. It is a nice feeling. One she hasn’t felt in a long time. Without thinking she starts to sing. She hasn’t sang in thousands of years, she hasn’t wanted to, but now, for some reason, she does.

The words don’t have any meaning, at least nothing Greg would understand. His playing falters for a moment, but then he continues.

The rain starts again, but they’re inside the van and the sound of it drives the thought of doing anything else away.

 

                                                                                              -:-

Later she walks back to the temple, the sky even darker, yet she feels a brightness inside her. Far above in the sky, black birds circle, cawing loudly.

All the lights in the temple are on, and the little house glows like a lantern. The old wooden stairs creak as she steps on them.

She pauses, her hand pausing on the door knob. For a moment she wonders.

Wonders if this is really the right place for her to be. If maybe this is where she’s supposed to be. Or what would have happened to her if she had been here all along. Then she hears voices, cheerful and happy, and laugher, and she decides.

Lapis turns the knob. Instantly she's blinded by the light and noise inside.

Steven and Connie are dancing around to the radio, and somehow Amethyst had dragged Peridot up around with her. Amethyst grins, snatching Peridot’s wrist, wildly spinning her around. Peridot frankly looks exhausted and about as red as a tomato, but she has a wide grin to match Amethyst’s.

Garnet’s sitting on a stool, watching them dance around, snapping her fingers to the rhythm of the song. Pearl is puttering around the kitchen, probably making dinner for Steven and Connie.

Lapis smiles, quietly shutting the door behind her. Pearl doesn’t notice her for a moment, but when she does see her she smiles widely.

Lapis can’t help but return the smile.

She walks over slowly, trying to drip as little as possible on the floor for Pearl’s sake. “Hey.” she says simply.

Pearl smiles, then notices that she’s actually soaking wet. “Lapis! You’re wet!”

Lapis looks down at herself absently, then shrugs. “I went outside. It was raining.”

Pearl frowns at her, concerned. “Come on, let’s get you dry.” She gently grasps Lapis’s wrist, tugging her out of the kitchen. Lapis follows after her, going deeper into the house.

Lapis glances around curiously. She hadn’t even known about this part of the house. It seemed to be a part of the house rather than the temple itself, still being made from normal wood.

Pearl goes to a large closet, opening it to reveal it to be stuffed to the ceiling with stuff. Pearl notices her looking and explains.

“This is just where we keep odds and ends. Those are cleaning supplies,” she points to several bottles on a shelf, “And that’s some extra food. For Steven.” she clarifies. Lapis nods absently.

Pearl scans the shelves, looking for something. Quickly she finds what she wanted.

Daintily she lifts herself up onto her toes, tugging a stack of towels down from the top shelf. Carefully she hands one to Lapis.

Lapis stares at it. “Um…”

Pearl smirks, taking the towel from her hands. She looks at Lapis for a moment, her expression unreadable. Lapis arches an eyebrow at her.

Suddenly, much to Lapis’s surprise, Pearl takes the towel and quickly rubs it over her wet hair. Lapis squeals, unable to help herself. She giggles, trying to shove Pearl away, but Pearl continues, determined in her mission.

Once she stops they’re both laughing so hard they can’t speak. Finally Lapis manages to take a breath. Pearl smiles widely.

At her.

“Your hair is a disaster.” Pearl says, laughing again.

“Well, whose fault is that?” Lapis answers, cocking her hip.

Pearl snorts, rolling her eyes. “Don’t worry, it still looks pretty.” Pearl stops, biting her lip, realizing what she said. Lapis is sure that she’s blushing now. And in the back of her mind she wonders how they keep ending up like this, so close, so together.

But then a voice jolts them out of it. “Pearl? Lapis? Where are you?” Steven’s calling for both of them. Steven turns the corner, poking his head around the corner. “Oh hey! There you are. Garnet said you two were busy. Are you?”

Now both of them are blushing. Pearl immediately starts sputtering. “Oh, no, of course not, we’re not busy, I- we were just getting towels, because Lapis was wet and-“ Lapis cuts her off.

“No Steven. We’re not doing anything.” She answers him flatly.

“Okay, well, I just wanted to tell you that Garnet says dinner’s ready. You can come when you’re done not doing anything.” He smirks at them mischievously, before walking away, and Lapis flushes.

Sometimes that kid knew too much.

She glances at Pearl, and flushes when their eyes meet. “Well? You want to eat or not?”

 

                                                                                                         -:-

  
The amount of meals that humans insisted was necessary to consume seemed to be bordering on excessive to Lapis.  They needed to eat three times per day, then they sometimes even ate between those periods as well. The entire process seemed entirely ridiculous to Lapis. The idea of actually _having_ to do something, and every day at that!

The gems all seemed to have varied options on the subject of eating.

Pearl she had never seen put anything in her mouth at all, food or drink, but in contrast, Amethyst never seemed to stop shoving food in her mouth. And who knew what Garnet did.

Lapis wasn’t sure exactly what she preferred yet.  Sometimes it seemed completely disgusting, but she had to admit that some of the food Steven had brought her to try had been pretty good.

That night Steven encouraged her to try his dinner with him. He had insisted that there was plenty to share.

She pokes at the long strings covered in a red sauce, Steven had called it spaghetti. Eating a bite cautiously, she found that it wasn’t horrible.

Everyone sat all around the house, separately, yet still together.

Steven and Connie sat, laughing and slurping their noodles on some cushions in the floor.

Lapis noticed even though Pearl and Garnet never ate any of the food, they still liked to hang out with everyone while they ate. It was a nice thing to do, rather than simply continuing on with their work.

Steven laughs at Connie, who slurped her noodles loudly, grinning. Soon they both started laughing.

Amethyst smirked at them, before twisting a huge glob of noodles onto her fork and shoving the entire mass into her mouth. Pearl makes a face, and Lapis laughs.

The night passes quickly while rain pours down outside. After everything is cleaned up Steven finds her again. He shifts nervously. “Lapis?”

“Yes Steven?”

“I was just wondering, unless you want to keep staying at the barn, would you want to stay here?”

Lapis blinks. “You mean here? In the temple?”

“Yeah, we have an extra room! It’s not in the temple, but it’s still really cool! Come on, I’ll show you!”

He takes her hand, dragging her through the house. He finally stops when they reach a door to the side of the hallway Pearl had shown her earlier. He opens the door, waving his hand for her to follow. She does after hesitating a moment.

Lapis glances around the room. It’s nothing very special, not even very big. There is only a mattress pushed into the corner, and a small table off to the side of the room. The walls are painted white and a light sits on the table, its glow casting shadows around the room. On the far side of the room there is a window and Lapis stares out it. She can see the beach, the rain, the ocean.

Steven stands off to the side, shifting nervously. “Do you like it?”

She smiles widely, nodding. “Thank you.” Steven’s face lights up as he hugs her, and she can’t help but return his smile.

 

                                                                                              -:-

Lapis lays on the mattress, watching the rain fall. The patterings were almost hypnotizing.

Steven had left her alone, probably noticing her growing tiredness. She didn’t actually get tired, but after so long of being alone in the mirror, she had learned that people tended to wear her out, especially after long periods of time. But having space that was hers would help that.

She flops over on her side, shutting her eyes with a sigh. Suddenly there is a knock at her door. She wonders if Steven has come back.

But when she opens the door, it is none other than Pearl standing there, who looks very uncomfortable. “Lapis! I- I hope I’m not bothering you.”

Lapis nods, slightly surprised. “No. You’re not bothering me.” She opens the door a little wider and, after a moment of hesitation, Pearl enters the room.

“Oh, do you like the room? We weren’t sure if you would even want to stay at the temple, because Peridot didn’t, and I know that you like your space. Sorry about the mattress, I know it’s rather old, it actually came from Amethyst’s room so who knows how clean it can really be, but I sprayed it with disinfectant, so it doesn’t smell as bad as it-“

“Pearl.”

Pearl stops, blushing. “Oh I was blabbering on again, wasn’t I?” She says, embarrassed.

“Don’t worry. It’s cute.” Lapis answers facilely, waiting for the blush to appear on Pearl’s cheeks again. She isn’t disappointed as Pearl’s face flushes turquoise.

“Um… I wanted to talk to you though.”

“What about?” Pearl takes a breath before answering. “You know how you told me about your memory being…fuzzy in places?”

Lapis nods, not sure where Pearl is going with this. “I think I know a way you can get them to clear.”

Lapis stares at her. It hadn’t occurred to her that there might be a way to get her memories back. She had assumed that they were gone. If she there was a chance she could remember who she was, her old life, there was probably nothing she could want more.

“I’m not sure if it would even work, but-“

“Let’s try. Please.” Pearl looks at her, blue eyes full of hesitance.

But Lapis stares back, silently begging her. Finally she sighs, giving in. “Okay. But I still don’t know what will happen, or if it’ll even work.”

Lapis shakes her head. “No, even if it doesn’t help, we still will have tried.” She smiles firmly, full of determination. Although admittedly a bit more weak, Pearl returns her smile.

“So,” Lapis says, breaking the silence between them once more, “What do we have to do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT!!! How is it possible?!!? (fyi I have no idea)
> 
> Also, I think this is the longest chapter yet! That's the reason it took forever to finish. Certainly didn't have anything to do with getting distracted by Youtube for hours. Not at all. ;P
> 
> And thanks so much for all your guys sweet comments!! I really can't tell you how much they mean to me!


	13. Chapter 13

They sIt facing each other on the mattress in Lapis’s room.  Lapis watches Pearl carefully, because honestly, Pearl looks as if she wants to run right out of the room.

But she doesn’t. She just sighs heavily.

“So how does this even work?” Lapis asks, jolting Pearl out of her haze.

She stares down at the mattress, then silently her eyes dart back up to her, the gem on her forehead glowing brilliantly. There is a flash of light, and when the brightness fades from her eyes Pearl is holding an object in her hand.

Lapis looks at it with hollow eyes. Her own blue reflection stares back at her.

Pearl holds the mirror, her mirror, gingerly, as if she’s afraid it might burn her. Lapis swallows slowly before speaking. “Is that…”

Pearl nods.

Lapis winces. Pearl places a hand on her shoulder, gripping her down to reality. “We don’t have to do this.”

Lapis shook her head. “No, I have to. I _have_ to know Pearl. I have to know what I’ve lost.” Pearl stares at her sadly, then nods.

“All right. Garnet said that the connection you had with the mirror was so strong you might be able to open it again. But you will have to force it.”

Lapis nods, squaring her shoulders. “She said that the mirror, once you’re connected with it again, is almost like a second conscience. If you focus, it might help you remember something.”

Pearl looks at her seriously. “Are you sure?”

No, she’s not sure at all. She’s not sure of this at all. And to say that she’s not absolutely terrified right now would be a lie. But she isn’t about to back down.

“Yes.” she says calmly, sounding more confident than she feels.

“Okay then. You need to have the mirror in your hand. Then focus. Try to think of nothing at all.”

She hands the mirror to Lapis, and she can’t keep her hand from shaking as she grasps it. She stares into it, her dark eyes glare back into her.

“Close your eyes.” Pearl instructs. Lapis shuts her eyes.

Suddenly something occurs to her and instinctively she reaches out, grasping Pearl’s hand tightly. Even though her eyes are shut, she can tell Pearl is blushing.

“Oh, um, okay. Now just empty your mind, and think back to the very first thing you remember.” Pearl keeps saying something, but Lapis doesn’t hear it.

All she feels is the ice cold metal of the mirror clutched tightly in one hand, and the softness of Pearl’s hand clutched even tighter in the other. Lapis feels the world fade and she starts to fall, but to where, or when, she has no idea.

 

                                                                                            -:-

The darkness lightens, but she isn’t with Pearl anymore.

Glancing around, she sees the huge marble archways and columns, so unlike anything on Earth.

She’s returned to Homeworld.

She stands still for a moment, unable to keep from gaping. A few quartzes walk by, nodding to her as they pass. But then she notices something odd.

Everything is tinted in a strange, grayish light. Glancing down at her hands she sees that she is still her same coloring. Perhaps just another sign that she is merely reliving the past, not the present.

Subconsciously, she feels her feet move. She doesn’t seem to quite have total control of her body anymore.

Her heels clip against the marble floor.  The long dress she wears, rather than the skirt she wears in the present, is tight on her knees. It’s vastly more uncomfortable than she remembered.

All around her the walls are etched with words, ancient magic. For protection, she remembers.

Abruptly the hall widens out into the main courtroom. The throne room of Blue Diamond.

Seeing it again makes her mind almost ache with emotion. Although, strangely, the throne room, which was always filled with gems, is completely empty.

Silent.

The huge, dark throne which was always filled by Blue Diamond stands empty. She looks around, a feeling of lost overwhelming her.

Suddenly someone taps her shoulder, and she can’t stop a squeak of surprise. Quickly she spins around, a small citrine standing behind her.

“I apologize my Lady. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I- It’s fine. What do you need?”

“I just wanted to remind your Ladyship that your transport ship is due in an hour.” Lapis’s eyebrows scrunch with confusion. “What ship? Where am I to go?”

Citrine looks at her with surprise. “Lady Lapis, do you not remember? Blue Diamond has requested you to join her to aid her with the new colonization project.”

Lapis feels her stomach knot with dread, knowing far too well what’s coming, but still she has to ask. “And what planet is this project located on?”

Citrine stares at her, as though she cannot understand why her ladyship is being so foolish. “Why, Earth of course. Are you sure you’re all right my Lady?” Lapis nods, but feels as though she might throw up.

Her headache returns, coursing through her body, almost causing her knees to buckle from under her.

Suddenly the room starts to spin, all the colors blurring together all at once. The world flashes before her, and she hears Citrine calling out her name, but Lapis has already collapsed, floor ice cold against her skin.

When she opens her eyes, she already knows where she is, just from the very smell itself.

The cool wind gusts through her hair, and she stares out over the clouds from the edge of the sky platform.

She is on Earth.

She takes a deep breath, letting the memories that she hasn’t known in many lifetimes wash over her.  A low voice calls to her. She turns, her eyes wide.

“I beg your pardon my Diamond?”

“Lapis Lazuli. I hope your trip to Earth was unbothered?” She says, voice like low thunder.

Lapis nods, bowing her head respectfully. “It was, my Diamond. I thank you for your concern.”

Despite the heavy robes covering her eyes, Blue Diamond nods. “Since the recent rebel attacks have gone more frequent, your presence is greatly needed here. I know you prefer to remain on Homeworld, but it is necessary. The rebels are growing in strength. We have already had gems defecting to their cause.”

Lapis frowns. Because you wanted to destroy the planet. You wanted to keep mistreating all of them, Lapis thinks.

 But Lapis says none of this, merely nodding as she bites her lip. There really isn’t a point anyway. All of this, it isn’t a second chance. It’s just a reflection of the past. And all she can do is watch herself relive all of her mistakes.

“I’m sending you to another one of our outposts. Your presence will renew the weakened loyalty there. Do you understand?”

Lapis nods listlessly, her body feeling weightless and faint.

“Very good." The faintest of smiles plays on Blue Diamond's lips. "And Lapis?”

The sounds begin to swirl around her like before, and she can feel herself slipping away. But she needs to answer her Diamond. “Yes?” she murmurs.

The world swirls harder.

“Stay safe, my Lapis.”

“I-I will try, but-” Her knees crumple, and everything disappears.

“Lady, did you hear me?” Her eyes snap open with a start.  Glancing around herself, she finds that the world around her once again is different.

Just as she knew it would be.

The dark stone walls tell her that she is in one of Homeworld’s bases on Earth.

Her memories are returning to her faster and faster, and it is both relieving and sickening.

A tall Quartz stands before her, barely hiding their irritation. “My lady!” She thunders.

“Yes, what?” She retorts sharply. One thing she could never stand was an over imposing Quartz. She dryly realizes the irony of that now.

The Quartz sighs heavily. “I was just showing you the information that our scouts were able to bring back about the renegades. Would you like me to show you again.”

“Yes I would, you're so kind for offering.”

The Quartz scowls.

Quickly she flashes open one of the memory crystals lying on the table before them. Dozens of images flash open in front of them.

Lapis feels her stomach sink. She recognizes Garnet, and a few other rebel gems, probably long dead in the present.

There are images of Pearl, fighting alongside another gem, one with brilliant pink curls flowing behind her.

Rose Quartz.

Her throat tightens. Pearl looks so different, in the photos she is almost always shown scowling, swords drawn. It is so unlike the Pearl she knows now. Studying the photos, she realizes that none of the pictures actually told anything about these people. It’s all just a fractured version of the truth.

The blue Quartz clears her throat. “What are your orders Lady?”

The truth is that she doesn’t want to fight anymore. That now she knows that this is the moment that if she had made a different decision, then she would never have been trapped in the mirror.

But she hears herself speaking, words that she doesn’t mean, and wouldn’t ever say now, but she then she doesn’t control her past self.

“Those filthy rebels must be stopped. Blue Diamond has put me in command of this base. We have to take action.”

“What do you wish?”

Lapis bites her lip, begging herself to stop, but she can’t. “Now that we know where they are located, attack the base. Burn it.”

“Yes my Lady.” The Quartz says, bowing her head.

“And inform me when the soldiers are ready. I will lead this attack myself.”

The Quartz nods, bowing once more before leaving the room, huge feet shaking the ground.

Lapis feels the world darken again, taking her forward and she lets out a sob, before everything is once more black.

  
When she opens her eyes, it is different than the last time.

This time she can see herself. While she is only a ghost.

Past Lapis is in the middle of battle, the sky dark overhead. It seems to be going well, and she watches herself as she lets her guard down.

She is alone on the battlefield, all her guards busy fighting far away. Suddenly a huge shadow looms over them both. Lapis is powerless to act, only able to watch as a huge gem smashes into her old self.

Lapis shutters, almost feeling the old wound again herself.

She watches herself dissolve away into nothing, her gem dropping uselessly to the ground while the battle rages on around them.

Her own body feels as if it has broken into a thousand pieces, sharp, piercing pain. She shuts her eyes, the ground falling away from under her feet.

Images flash before her eyes, so quickly they almost blind her. She sees glass, there is glass all around her. Eyes stare through it, piercing through her body.

She tries to speak, to tell them who she is, that she isn’t who they think, and it’s all massive, monstrous mistake, but she can’t. Her voice has been stolen from her throat.

Lapis screams. But all there is is silence.

Deafening silence.

She tries hitting the glass, but it remains uncracked, the only damage is to herself. Her hand is bleeding. This cannot be happening. Not again. Tears pool down her cheeks.

The glass is like ice, but her skin feels as if it is on fire. A moan escapes her lips. All she wants is for this to end.

Suddenly, when Lapis feels like her entire body will burn up, there is a strong tug on her wrist. Lapis is too weak to resist it, falling forward.

It tugs again, and suddenly with a gasp Lapis opens her eyes, for real this time. She is back in the temple, Pearl staring at her with wide, worried eyes.

She lets out a strangled gasp, slumping against Pearl.  “Lapis are you all right? A moment ago you were thrashing around and screaming. Your skin, it was so hot. Are you okay?”

Pearl’s hand moves to cup her cheek, it feels so nice against her burning skin.

Lapis stares at Pearl for a moment, unsure of what to say. Pearl seems to realize that she has no answer.  Gently she wraps her arms around Lapis, holding her close. Lapis presses into her.

She’s not sure when she started to sob, head buried in Pearl’s chest. Pearl murmurs softly to her, stroking her hair.

But all Lapis can think of is the past, the places she came from, everything she now knew.

But Pearl held her tightly as she cried, and slowly she drifted off into dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Lapis. But at least you got to cuddle with your girlfriend after!
> 
> Uggg. This has been a week. And I'm not really sure if I like this chapter, I was trying for something a little different and I've wanted to throw a couple of my Homeworld headcanons for this entire story, so I did. And I have a boat load. 
> 
> Also thanks so much for your support guys!!! You're all so super sweet and make me feel like writing even more!


	14. Chapter 14

The first thing Lapis notices whens she opens her eyes is her present company.

Pearl is still with her, arms wrapped gently around her, holding her close to her chest. And, despite Pearl’s claims that she found sleep unnecessary and pointless, her eyes are closed gently.

Lapis shifts gently, so as not to wake her. She smiles softly.

Pearl was very pretty normally, but when she was like this, her face relaxed and peaceful, she really was beautiful. Her hair stuck out randomly at angles rather than the perfectly neat way she always kept it. The sun shown in through the window, making her hair gleam.

Lapis props herself up on one elbow, content with watching Pearl. As she pulls away from Pearl’s rather tight grasp Pearl makes a faint sound of protest.

Lapis has to bite her lip to keep from laughing. She was so cute.

Slowly Pearl blinks sleepily, glancing up at her. Lapis grins as Pearl flushes prettily.  She glances down at the mattress, looking away from Lapis, embarrassed.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” She murmurs quietly.

Lapis giggles, falling back onto the mattress with a flop. She and Pearl are close enough that their noses almost touch.

Pearl’s eyes shine curiously as she stares at Lapis. “You feel better.” She notes with a smile and a delicate brush to her bangs.

“Yeah.”

Lapis smiles back at her and, in that one moment she knows. That she doesn’t miss her home anymore. That she wants nothing more than to be right here, wrapped in the arms of this strange, beautiful pearl.

This hits her with a force, and apparently it shows on her face, because Pearl laughs gently. “What is it?” She asks curiously.

“What?” Lapis blinks, tilting her head curiously.

“You have a funny look on your face.”

Lapis scrunches her eyebrows together. “What? No I don’t.”

Pearl laughs at that. Lapis smiles. This casual closeness they have between them is something she’s never known before. And she loves it.

Pearl leans herself onto her arm. Her expression turns serious. “Are you sure you’re all right?” She asks, concerned.

Pearl reaches out to cover her hand, squeezing it gently. Lapis sighs at the touch, interweaving their fingers.

“I have most of my memories back.”

Pearl’s eyes study her face. “Is- is that okay?”

She shrugs listlessly. “I’m not sure. It- it’s all really overwhelming right now.”

Pearl nods. “I can imagine.” Then she pauses, shaking her head reproachfully. “No, actually I don’t think I can.”

Lapis sighs, edging closer. “It’s fine. Now at least I know. I remember.” She pauses for a moment, biting her lip. “Thank you.” She says softly. She offers Pearl a hesitant smile, one Pearl returns.

Gently Pearl tugs on her waist, pulling her closer, causing Lapis to smile bigger, letting her head fall against Pearl’s chest.

Idly she realizes that this probably counts as cuddling. But it’s so nice she can’t bring herself to care.

Suddenly, just as she’s starting to feel as if she might fall back asleep again, there’s a knock on the door.

“Hey Lapis! I just wanted to see if you wanted some breakfast?” Steven calls through the door.

Immediately Pearl sits straight up, looking more flustered than Lapis would’ve thought was possible.

“Um Lapis, can I come in?” Steven asks, and poor Pearl looks as if she might pass out. “Uh, no, I um, don’t have my top on.”

Pearl looks at her as if she’s lost her mind. Lapis just grins, shrugging at her.

“Oh.”

For a moment she thinks he’s left but then he asks something else. “Lapis you haven’t seen Pearl around have you?”

It takes all of her strength to answer without laughing. “Nope, haven’t seen her.”

“Oh, okay.” Lapis giggles as she finally hears him walk away. Pearl flops back against the bed, letting out a small breath of relief.

A question pops up in her mind and out of her mouth before she can stop it. “Why did you not want Steven to know we were in here together?”

Pearl looks over at her, sitting up. “Well, um, I just, I don’t know, I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. That we’re uh…” She trails off, glancing at Lapis from the corner of her eye.

“Oh, of course. That makes sense. Because we’re not… that.”

Pearl nods too quickly. “Yes, not at all.”

Lapis stares down at her mattress, suddenly not wanting to see Pearl at all.

The silence, which had been comfortable just moments before now feels thick and heavy. Awkwardly Pearl clears her throat.

“I think I’d better go, since Steven’s looking for me.”

“Yeah, you’d better.” Her throat feels dry.

Pearl stands there a moment more, but Lapis doesn’t look up. “If you need anything, just let me know?” Lapis nods.

Pearl looks at her one more time, then quietly leaves, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Lapis sits down on the edge of the mattress, hurriedly wiping away the water that is pooling in her eyes. The reason she is doing this is ridiculous, but she can’t make herself stop.

After a little while she finally manages to get a grip on herself. She suddenly notices something out of the corner of her eye.

Glancing out the window she notices something moving outside on the beach. Sitting up, she slides over to the window to see clearer.

Outside she can the tall form of Garnet sitting crosslegged in the sand.  After a moment’s thought she pries open the window and slips out, fluttering into the light.

Gracefully she floats down to where Garnet sits. Her feet brush the sand, wings fading away.

Garnet looks up at her, nodding in greeting. “Hey. Do you mind if I sit?” Garnet nods slightly again, and Lapis drops to the sand.

She exhales, crossing her legs like Garnet.  They sit in silence before Garnet decides to say something.

“Pearl made pancakes this morning.” Lapis opens one eye, glancing at the fusion.

“She burnt them all.” Garnet says, continuing. “And apparently, got the salt and sugar very confused when she made the batter.”

Lapis blinks. She couldn’t imagine what the reason was that made Garnet feel like telling her this. Perhaps it had something to do with making her feel better about not coming out of her room for breakfast.

“Pearl never does that.”

“Hm.” Lapis answers, not wanting to continue this Pearl conversation. “Do you know why she did that?”

Lapis freezes.

Opening her eyes she sees the fusion staring at her. “Um… I don’t-“

“Yes, you do.”

Lapis stares at her for a moment but then gives up staring down someone whose eyes are invisible. She sighs.

“Last night Pearl helped me get my memories back.”

“And?” Garnet prompts.

“And they came back.” She answers, purposely being difficult.

“Not what I meant.”

Lapis hangs her head, letting her hair fall forward, hiding her face from Garnet’s eyes. “You can say it.” Garnet says quietly, resting a hand against her bare shoulder.

She can feel the cool edges of one of Garnet’s gemstones pressing against her skin. The feeling is calming.

“It’s not something to be ashamed of Lapis.” She blinks the forming tears in her eyes as she looks up into Garnet’s visor. “I- I have feelings for Pearl.”

As the words leave her mouth, she can feel a weight lift as well. Garnet smiles at her. “But it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t care about me. Not like that.”

Garnet chuckles. “One thing you should know about Pearl is that right now, she’s just as confused about this as you. And if love were obvious, then none of us would appreciate it.”

Lapis rubs her thumb against the palm of her hand. “So what do I do?”

“Talk to her. Tell the truth even if it’s terrifying. Because being honest is the only way you two can work this out.”

Lapis nods. “All right.”

Garnet smiles one of her mysterious smiles. “And please, do it soon. I don’t think any of us will survive Pearl’s stress cooking for much longer.”

Lapis can’t help but laugh at that.

 

                                                     -:-

She walks along the beach for over two hours before she musters up the courage to go back inside the temple.

But finally, she takes a deep breath. Gracefully she flutters up to the door, and after a second of hesitation she opens it.

Pearl is sitting on the sofa, a book in her lap. She looks up as Lapis enters the room.

“Lapis, you’re back.” She says faintly.

Lapis nods. “Yeah.”

There is silence.

Lapis clears her throat. “So, where is everyone else?”

“Garnet took everyone out to Funland.” Pearl answers, never taking her eyes off of Lapis.

She exhales. “Pearl, could we talk?” She mentally kicks herself for how ominous that sounded.

But Pearl nods, gesturing for her to sit beside her. “Actually, I really need to talk to you as well.” Pearl says, putting her book to the side, after neatly bookmarking it.

“Oh?” Lapis says, her voice oddly high.

Pearl stares down at her lap for a long moment and Lapis wonders if she’ll actually say anything. But then Pearl sighs. “What I said to you this morning…it isn’t true.”

“Uh, which thing?”

Pearl stares at her, then laughs nervously. “Oh stars, I’m so terrible at this. I don’t know.” She sighs. “I don’t want us to be nothing.”

Lapis stares at her, trying to figure out what she means. “Us? Do you mean like…romantically us?”

Pearl blinks, face flushing blue. “Um…yeah.” She mumbles quietly.

“Oh.” _Oh_.

Lapis is perfectly still, overwhelmed by what Pearl had just said. “It’s fine if you don’t- I mean I just thought you should know-“ She stands to leave, but Lapis grips her wrist.

“Wait.” She says softly.

Pearl hesitates, then sits back down beside her. Lapis shifts on the sofa so she can face Pearl.

“The way you feel, you can’t understand it, right?” Pearl nods slightly. “Neither can I.” Lapis smiles broadly. “I don’t understand it a bit. But I love it and I don’t want it to end.”

Pearl smiles for the first time. “Me too.”

They sit, silence between them comfortable once more.

“So what now?” Pearl asks softly.

Lapis smiles at her. “I think we’re supposed to hold hands now.”

Pearl stares at her for a moment, her blue eyes soft. Carefully, they both slip their hands together.

They fit against each other like pieces of a puzzle. They sit quietly, just enjoying the feeling of being with each other.

Footsteps sound against the porch stairs, and they can hear Steven talking to the others. Steven runs in, beaming widely. “Hey Pearl! Hey Lapis! We’re back!”

Pearl laughs. “Yes Steven. I can see that.”

“I took a bunch of photos, you wanna see them?” He plops down beside her without an answer.

His eyes flit between their intertwined hands but he doesn’t say anything about it.

He just grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH. FEELINGS.
> 
> I have to be honest, I really enjoyed writing this chapter so much! At least finally Pearl and Lapis are progressing in their (very complicated) relationship. 
> 
> Also, I'm going to the beach this week so I don't know if I'll update next week, but I'll see;)


	15. Chapter 15

After their conversation, nothing seemed to have wildly changed between them. But they found that they were less afraid of the gap that had previously existed between them.

Lapis found that, despite Pearl coming off as being the sort of person that needed a lot of personal space, once she warmed up to a person the opposite became true.

It wasn’t much, rarely even when the others could see, but she discovered that Pearl enjoyed touching her.

Just little things, small brushes of their hands when they were in the kitchen together, lightly touching her shoulder to get her attention sometimes, and always holding Lapis’s hand in hers whenever she could.

It was almost as if she wasn’t even thinking about what she was doing, it just happened. Even though Pearl’s hands were constantly freezing, Lapis couldn’t help but smile every time she did it.

They continued with the reading lessons, and Lapis was starting to read some simpler books. The words and grammar were still strange, but it was something that she was slowly getting the hang of.

That was what she happened to be doing at the moment.

Sitting on the sofa reading, trying to understand just what exactly a wizard was.

Pearl slips silently into the room in the ever graceful way she has, plopping down beside Lapis. The corner of her mouth twitches upward as Pearl gently places her hand over hers. But that isn’t enough for her.

Slowly, she turns her hand in Pearl’s, smoothly interlacing their fingers. She glances from the corner of her eye at Pearl and is pleased to see the faint blush on her cheeks.

Lapis smiles faintly.

Suddenly the front door opens with a creak.

It’s Connie, who is fumbling with what looks like a sword shoved into a tennis bag. It doesn’t seem to be the best idea ever, since the sword appears as though it has stabbed through the bottom of the bag, and the tip of metal is visible for a good three inches.

Connie stumbles in, pushing the stray hairs that have fallen in her face away. “H-Hi Pearl.”

She notices Pearl staring at her punctured bag. “Oh… I think I need a new bag.”

Pearl waves it away. “Don’t worry about it. I probably have something better that you could use. But for now, are you ready to begin our lesson?”

Connie grins, and Lapis can tell that she really enjoys this time with Pearl.

She can’t blame her.

Pearl stands, but not before giving her hand a tiny squeeze. Connie is suddenly very interested in her bag, but Lapis sees her watching from the corner of her eye.

Suddenly Connie turns to her. “Um Lapis, do you think you’d want to come train with us?” She asks her nervously.

“Connie, I’m not sure if she’s up for that-“

“No, it’s fine Pearl.” She says, smiling encouragingly at her. “That sounds like fun. But I hope you don’t mind me watching. I don’t think I’m up to sparring today.”

Connie grins widely. “Oh that’s fine! Pearl’s been teaching me a ton of new sword fighting moves! They’re pretty difficult but I’ve been getting better at it and everything but…” She continues to talk as they head to the warp pad but Pearl gives her a questioning look.

To make sure that she’s alright with this. It’s unnecessary because Lapis is fine, but Pearl’s worrying is still cute.

She smiles, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. “Pearl. I’m fine. I want to come.” She looks at her firmly. “So stop worrying.”

Pearl sighs, her lips curling into a faint smile. “Oh, alright.”

Lapis smiles to herself. Carefully all three of them step onto the warp pad, and with a gentle pulse and a flash of light they’re gone.

 

                                                                           -:-

Lapis hadn’t thought to ask where exactly they did their training, so when the light from the warp faded she had to blink twice.

It really was the sky dome.

The place she had first visited so long ago. It was older, and battle worn, but still, it was the same place.

Lapis stares, lost in her thought. Meanwhile Connie and Pearl share a glance, and both decide to leave Lapis alone.

The wind rustles through her hair. It’s cold against her neck. It strikes her as odd, how so much time could go by without feeling it.

Suddenly she feels very, very old.

She laughs mirthlessly to herself. Now she just seemed crazy.

Over a little ways Connie are beginning to practice, she can hear metal against metal. She straightens, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

It was time to move on. Time to let go of the past and take the future.

Smiling now, she walks over to where they’re fighting and takes a seat. Connie gets a good blow in, causing Pearl to have to readjust her sword. Lapis grins.

“Good job Connie!”

                                                                                   -:-

Hours go by, and they don’t stop till the setting sun is turning the dome orange.

Connie has several small cuts on her face and looks exhausted, but is smiling widely and seems like she is having the time of her life.

“You’re doing really well Connie.” She says, smiling at the younger girl.

Connie grins brightly. “Thanks! It’s really hard, I don’t get all that much time to practice, but still.” She shrugs easily.

Pearl walks up to them, finished with putting the swords away. “Yes, you’re doing quite well.”

Connie flushes at Pearl’s complement.  Suddenly Connie glances down at her watch.

“Oh, it’s time for my mom to pick me up.” she says with a sigh. Quickly she gathers up her bag and shoes.

Lapis notices Pearl staring at her.

Connie starts walking towards the warp pad, then turns around when she realizes that neither gem is following her. “Um, Pearl?”

Pearl blinks, snapping out of her daze. “Oh, uh, I need to talk to Lapis for a moment. Do you think you’re able to warp yourself home?”

Both Connie and Lapis raise eyebrows at that.

“Uh, sure?” Connie’s eyes flit between both of them, and Lapis could swear she was smirking as she left. As soon as the warp pad flashes Lapis arches an eyebrow.

“So? You wanted to talk to me Pearl?” She says, smirking slightly.

Pearl shifts, silent for a moment, before sitting down beside her.

“You know, for such a huge talker you don’t say much.” She says, as Pearl still remains silent.

Pearl snorts at that.

“It’s harder with you.” she says softly.

They’re both silent, unsure what to say. Suddenly Pearl speaks.

“This was always my favorite place. After the war, I mean.” She sighs. “I liked to come up here and watch the sun set.”

Lapis tilts her head. “Liked. As in past?”

Pearl smiles dryly. “After Steven was born, I didn’t really do the same things anymore.”

“Oh.”

The ever present silence between them returns.

“They don’t have sunsets on Homeworld.”

Pearl smiles, her hair shining pink and orange in the setting sun. “I know. I remember when I first came here… that was the most amazing thing here. To me. I love the way it changes colors.”

Lapis notices that they are close, their knees and shoulders are touching. But she finds that she doesn’t care.

“Every day too.” Lapis adds with a smile, leaning closer in to her.

“Unless it rains.”

“Don’t be such a downer.”

And then she’s kissing Pearl and Pearl is kissing her, and she doesn’t even know anymore.

Pearl’s lips are soft against hers, and she can feel Pearl’s smile as she kisses her. Softly she places her hand against Pearl’s neck, her hand brushing the small curls of hair there.

She can feel Pearl shiver slightly. Lapis sets out a small giggle, but Pearl kisses it away.

Hesitantly, Pearl wraps her hands around her waist, cool against the bare skin there. Lapis shivers despite herself.

Lapis gently nips at Pearl’s lip and she can feel Pearl gasp slightly.

She smirks. With a small sigh they break away from each other. Lapis rests her forehead against Pearl’s, her gemstone pressing against her skin.

They’re both smiling, huge and stupid. Neither know exactly what to say then.

Finally Lapis swallows, trying to find the words. “That was…”

“Nice.” Pearl finishes, smiling bashfully. Pearl’s face is entirely blue, but still her hands are around Lapis’s waist.

It makes Lapis start smiling all over again. “Yeah. So… what do we do now?” She asks softly, afraid of what Pearl might say.

“Um… we could kiss again?” Pearl offers, blushing even harder.

Lapis stares at her for a moment, before she snorts. Soon they’re both laughing too hard to say anything. As soon as they’re able to speak again, Lapis pulls her against her mouth, kissing her again.

And again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.   
> Anyway. I may have had a ton of fun writing this chapter. At least Pearl and Lapis aren't nearly so confused as they were. ;)
> 
> Also, you guys have written so many amazingly sweet comments and I can't tell you how much they mean to me! Seriously, you guys are the best. I just love knowing that someone's actually reading this!


	16. Chapter 16

“Lazuli! Did you here a word I just said?”

Lapis blinks, looking very much guilty. “Um, yeah.”

Peridot crosses her arms, scowling at her.

“Liar!”

Lapis shrugs. “You were saying something about your- uh- power converter thingie?”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Magnetic diverging power converter.”

Lapis shrugs again. “Isn’t that what I said?”

Peridot just sighs. Very loudly.

“I don’t know why I ever accepted your offer of help.” Lapis glares at her. “You practically begged me to spend time with you!”

“And now I’m regretting that decision.” Peridot mutters.

Lapis sighs. Everyone else was out on a mission and, bored, she had wandered up here to the barn and found Peridot. Not on propose.

She had asked if Lapis wanted to help her organize her tools and other things and foolishly she had agreed. Out of boredom, of course.

But it turned out that Peridot was extremely picky about everything. And it was starting to annoy her.

“No no no! That goes in the blue bag!” She said, snatching yet another thing out of her hands.

Lapis sighs for the nth time. “Okay then. Why don’t I just watch you.”

Peridot hmms in agreement and Lapis rolls her eyes but she sits down on one of the chairs Peridot had built for the barn. They weren't all that comfortable but it was better than sitting on the floor.

She brushes her bangs out of her eyes and watches Peridot with slight amusement. “So… have you always been such a neat freak?” She asks, smirking.

Peridot glances up, raising her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

Lapis has to bite back a laugh. “Um, well you’re literally the neatest person I’ve ever met. It’s kinda a nightmare to try and organize anything with you.”

Peridot is silent for a moment, and Lapis knows she’s pondering everything she said. “Well, for the first one, it is frankly impossible to be any kind of half decent engineer without everything being properly organized. Something you obviously don’t understand.”

Lapis rolls her eyes again.

“And for another, I’m not the neatest person you’re ever met. Your girlfriend is far more picky about being neat than I am.”

Lapis suddenly straightens. “What do you- my girlfriend?”

Peridot stares at her blankly. “Yes. I am talking about the Pearl.”

“Um. Well I’m not sure if she’s my, ah- that, but-“ she stops, as Peridot smirks slightly. Lapis feels her face flush.

“Knew it.” Peridot says quietly, turning back to her work.

“We’re- not exactly- I don’t know. I’m not sure if we’re that yet.”

Peridot shrugs with her back to her. “It seems like you’re making this far more complicated than necessary. Just ask her.” Peridot says this as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

Well, it isn’t.

Lapis tells her this, and all she gets for it is a blank stare then an eye roll. “Please. It is not that hard to do. After all, I did it.”

Lapis blinks. “Wait, what? You have a girlfriend?”

Lapis is starting to get sick of Peridot glaring at her like everything out of her mouth is completely stupid. “As a matter of fact, I do. It turns out that Amethyst and I have much more in common than I had first thought and-“

“ _You’re_ _dating Amethyst_?”

“ _Yes_. Now, are you ever going to let me finish one of my sentences?”

“Dunno.”

Peridot groans. “What were we even talking about?”

“How your brash confidence got you a girlfriend, and I’m not thinking that’s good advice for me to follow.”

Peridot sighs, adjusting the visor against her face. “Look Lazuli, you’re my friend and-“

“We’e not friends Peridot.”

“WOULD YOU PLEASE LET ME FINISH MY SENTENCE!”

“Anyway, as I was saying before,” pausing to shot Lapis a dirty look, “If you don’t know where you stand with the Pearl, it’s only going to make things between the two of you more awkward. If that's even possible.” She says, muttering the last part under her breath.

“So do I just go up to her and say ‘Hey Pearl! Wanna be my girlfriend?” She says sarcastically. But Peridot nods.

“Yep, pretty much.”

Lapis groans, rubbing her eyes. “Do you even want my help anymore?” Lapis asks after a moment.

Peridot immediately shakes her head. “Oh, no no. You’re truly terrible at this.” Lapis shrugs.

“All right, fine. I’m going to see if anyone’s back yet.” She turned, walking out of the barn and into the sunlight. With a gentle swoosh her wings extend out behind her, and she flies off to the temple.

                                                                                                             -:-

Her feet fall with a small clunk to the porch as she lands.

After taking a breath she walks in, the door squeaking slightly. The temple still looks completely empty and she sighs. Just when she had gotten the courage up she couldn’t even find her.

She’s wondering if she should sit down and wait or go back to Peridot and admit defeat when the door to the temple flashes open.

It’s Pearl, but she seems to be distracted by something in her hands. She’s staring down at it and for a moment doesn’t notice Lapis standing there.

Lapis coughs slightly.

Pearl jumps, then glances up. Her face shifts into a wide smile. “Lapis! Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

Lapis smiles softly, shrugging before nodding at the object in Pearl’s hand. “So, how was the mission?”

Pearl shrugs, sighing. “Good as it could be I suppose. Anyway, how was yours?”

Lapis smirks. “As much fun as helping an uptight Peridot organize her stuff could be.”

Pearl laughs. It’s a nice sound. Lapis notices that Pearl is slowly getting closer and closer to her. She wonders if Pearl wants to kiss her again.

That thought definitely appeals to her, but she knows that if she does kiss her than any hope of talking to Pearl will fly out the window.

“Uh Pearl? Can we talk?” Suddenly Pearl’s expression changes and she steps away.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t…mean-“ Her cheeks are flaming and Lapis doesn’t understand what just happened.

“No, I mean I just think that-“

“Oh yes, definitely, of course. I understand.”

“But I didn’t say it-“ Lapis knows that somehow things are imploding yet she doesn’t even know what’s happening.

“No, you don’t need to. You’re right of course. I’ll just go and leave you alone-“

“What are you talking about?!”

Lapis knows that she’s just a step away from yelling but she can’t help it. Pearl’s eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

“What-“

“I’m not breaking up with you Pearl I’m trying to ask if you want to be my girlfriend but I don’t know how to say it and now you’re upset because you think I’m mad at you, but I’m not, this is just my horrible way of trying to ask you out.”

She exhales, her cheeks turning dark once she realizes what she just said.

Pearl is just staring at her wide eyed and frozen, and Lapis wants to melt into the floor.

“I- I just, I know that sounded bad but-“ She begins weakly, but Pearl doesn’t let her finish.

She doesn’t think she’s ever been kissed so wonderfully or sweetly in her life. Before she has time to think Pearl’s arms are wrapped around her slim waist, holding her carefully, gently.

She can feel Pearl’s smile in her kiss, and the thought simply makes her toes curl. One of Pearl’s hands ghosts through her hair and she can’t help the sigh that escapes.

Pearl giggles faintly before pulling away, both hands coming to linger on her face.

“Do-do you really want to…date and everything?” Pearl asks her hesitantly.

Lapis can’t help the smile from covering her face. “Yes idiot.” She murmurs, before kissing her lightly again.

As they pull away Pearl rests her forehead against hers.

“So…does this make me your girlfriend?” She asks quietly. She knows it’s silly to still want to know, after Pearl’s just shown how much she likes her, but she still wants to know.

Pearl flushes in that way that makes her just so damn cute and Lapis has to bite her lip to resist the urge to kiss her again.

Pearl bites her lip and Lapis can tell she’s thinking something and so she gives her a moment. “Well- I suppose- I mean- only if you want to, I don’t want to force you into anything-“

Lapis interrupts her again, pressing a kiss against her mouth. Pearl makes a slightly muffled sound of approval.

When Lapis pulls back Pearl looks slightly disgruntled. “You know, if we’re ever going to finish a conversation we’re going to have to stop doing that.”

Lapis giggles. “Well, you started it.” Pearl tries to look annoyed, but can’t hide her smirk.

“But really,” Pearl says seriously, “if we’re going to be… girlfriends, then we have to do it correctly. I’ve read many books on human courtship and they seem to put importance on dating and…some other things.”

Pearl blushes at that.

“Anyway. Lapis. Would you maybe…want to go on a kind of… date?  With me.” She forces out stuttering slightly.

Lapis arches an eyebrow. “Hmm… I don’t know…”

“Lapis!”

“Oh, alright. If you insist.” Lapis laughs outright at Pearl’s pouty expression.

It disappears once Lapis kisses her again.

Pearl pulls away slightly. “Hey.” Lapis protests.

Pearl smiles in that mysterious way of hers. “Not here. If Amethyst walks in I’ll never here the end of it.”

Lapis stares at her, wondering if she’s asking what Lapis hopes she’s asking. “Have- would you like to see my room?” Pearl asks her softly, eyes full and quiet.

Lapis blinks, staring at the other girl through her thick eyelashes. “Didn’t think I was allowed inside the temple.”

Pearl smirks slightly. “Come on.”

She takes Lapis’s hand, taking her over to the door.

It’s slightly taller than most doors, she assumes this has something do to with Garnet being so tall, and there are five different gemstones embedded into the door in a star pattern. Stars seem to be a rebel thing.  Vaguely she wonders how they came up with that.

But the thought flits from her mind as Pearl smiles at her.  The door did less than nothing when she stood in front of it, but as soon as Pearl stands before it it flashes open, revealing what she guesses must be Pearl’s room.

She hesitates a moment, but Pearl nods at her. Stepping into the room she can tell why Pearl thought she would like this.

Pearl’s room is literally made of nothing but water.

Just water, everywhere.

There are several pillars, seemingly made from water as well, as it is pouring down the sides.

The ceiling is nonexistent, appearing like the sky at dusk. The whole room has a slight tinkling sound, almost like faint piano music.

Pearl’s watching for her reaction, almost nervous.

But Lapis can’t hide her wonder. “Wow. This is…”

“Do you like it?” She asks hesitantly.

Lapis smiles at her. “I think I could stay in here forever.”

And that’s the truth. Just being in here for a few minutes already makes her body feel less on edge. She realizes that everything in this room is designed to be calming. Perhaps Pearl needs that herself.

“Well, please go ahead. Don’t let me stop you from staying.” Pearl says lowly.

Lapis arches an eyebrow. “Why Pearl. Are you flirting with me?” She says teasingly.

Pearl smiles slowly. “Maybe.”

She steps closer, but Lapis doesn’t step away. “Really, I’m quite surprised. I would never have suspected you of being such a tease.”

They’re practically pressed together now and Lapis knows this is ridiculous, but damn it, this is probably the most fun she’s had in five thousand years and she’s not about to give it up.

Pearl’s light eyes stare into her dark ones and she can’t help but glow.

Even though she knows it’s coming, Pearl’s kiss takes her by surprise.

Perhaps it’s the honesty in the kiss, or maybe the overwhelming kindness. But whatever it is, it’s making Lapis’s knees weak.

She honestly feels like she might collapse if it weren’t for Pearl’s hand, pressing gently into her back.

She gasps slightly and Pearl laughs softly.

Lapis grunts in slight annoyance, burying her hands in Pearl’s hair, forcing Pearl’s mouth back onto hers. Funnily enough, this seems to shut her up.

She starts to loose herself, and she couldn’t remember how they ended up on the floor, maybe her legs finally gave out on her.

She just knows that this is important, to her, to Pearl, to both of them together.

After a few hours of discovering just how nice it was to kiss and cuddle, they both dozed off.

                                                                                                                     -:-

She feels a faint breath on her cheek, and slowly her eyes open.

Pearl’s eyes are watching her, filled with softness.

“Hey.” She says softly.

Lapis smiles, blinking the sleep from her eyes. “How long-“

“I don’t know. But it’s nighttime now.”

Lapis sits up with a small groan. “So, how long before anyone comes looking for us?”

Pearl shrugs. “They’ve probably already noticed we’re gone.”

“Steven.”

Pearl laughs. “Yes. Frankly I’m surprised that he hasn’t already come running in here looking for us.”

“I’m sure he wanted to. I bet Garnet stopped him. She…kinda knows. About this.” Lapis said, gesturing between them.

Pearl smiles guiltily. “Yeah, well… I also told her."

“I needed help okay!” She says, as Lapis arches an eyebrow.

Pearl looks at Lapis nervously, but Lapis just laughs. Slowly Pearl smiles too.

Gently she takes Lapis’s hand, interlacing their fingers. Lapis glances at Pearl as the smile fades from her face.

Pearl snatches her other hand, turning both palms upward. Pearl pales slightly.

Lapis is mystified by what’s going on and she’s about to ask when Pearl beats her to it.

She’s running her long slim fingers across the palms of her hands, slowly tracing the many scars there, several of which are still rather open.

“Oh Lapis.” She murmurs softly.

“What happened? What caused these?” She asks, still not taking her eyes off Lapis’s hands.

Lapis shrugs tiredly. “I don’t know. Pick the disaster.”

Pearl bites her lip as she notices the pale, slightly bruised flesh around her wrists.

Lapis sees her looking.

“That’s from being fused. In our conscience, I was bound by chains. I wouldn’t have guessed it would actually leave a physical reminder.” She laughs mirthlessly.

Pearl runs her fingers over the damaged skin, touches feather light. Her expression is still pained.

“Pearl. Hey, it’s not that big of a deal.” she says, taking one of Pearl’s wandering hands in hers. “I’m alive. They’re not even injuries anyway. Just reminders.”

Pearl stares flatly at her, and Lapis can tell she’s dubious. “Really, I am Pearl.”

Pearl stares at her for a moment, then sighs.

“I know.” She says quietly, wrapping an arm around Lapis’s shoulders, pulling her close against her. Lapis rests her head against Pearl’s shoulder, sighing.

“It just…it makes me ill, knowing all the horrible things you’ve had to survive.”

Lapis glances up from Pearl’s shoulder. “Somehow, I think you’ve got dark things in your past too.” She shifts slightly closer to the other gem.

Pearl sighs. “You’re not wrong. I’m just… I’m sorry about what happened. I wish that you never had to come to Earth. That’s what started all this, isn’t it?”

Lapis looks at her for a long moment, unable to answer. “I…feel different now. I _am_ different now” She says, knowing completely well that it doesn’t make any sense at all. But Pearl nods.

There is a moment of silence. Pearl tenses under her. “Lapis…nothing like that will ever happen to you again. I’ll make sure of it.” She says softly, yet her voice is full of force.

It has a strange tone to it, and Lapis doesn’t know why, but it concerns her.

She sighs, leaning into her girlfriend. This moment was all that was important.

The rest could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I go overboard with the fluff? I think I maybe went overboard a tad. But I couldn't help myself!! It just got too much fun to write! 
> 
> Also, I've started another Pearlapis fic! I'm really excited to finally post the first chapter, I've been working on it for months! So please go check it out, it's called 1968, and it's on my profile now!


	17. Chapter 17

Lapis breathes deeply in and out. The air is still and unmoving, full of humidity.

But the feeling of the water-filled air is soothing, relaxing even. Almost like being in her element again. She had snuck out early that morning, warping back to the sky dome. It had still been dim, being so early in the morning, but she had wanted to come back at a time when she could be alone with her thoughts.

Now enough time had passed that the sun had risen, making everything grow warmer. It was going to be a very warm day.

She smiles.

Steven would surely beg her to come outside later, insisting that they should go enjoy the nice weather. That was another thing that Lapis was surprised to even care about. On Homeworld the weather was kind of…nonexistent. It wasn’t something anyone ever thought about.

She smiles again as the wind blows through her hair, rustling it around her face. She did have to admit that it made things much more…interesting. Everything was ever-changing. Nothing stayed the same.

But still, there were a few things that she hoped wouldn’t change. She smiles faintly, drifting back into her thoughts.

Suddenly the warp pad flashes with a swooshing sound, and someone yells her name.

“Hi Lapis!” says Steven, bounding off the warp pad.

“Hey Steven.” He runs up to her and gives her a huge hug. But Lapis was prepared and had time to brace herself for impact.

“What’re you doing here?” Steven asks curiously.

“I was about to ask you the same. Do the gems know you’re here?”

Steven blushes. “Uh…”

Lapis laughs. “Let me guess. You forgot to tell them?”

Steven nods sheepishly. “I just wanted to come see what you’re doing!” He tells her excitedly.

Lapis grins. “Nothing interesting. But if you want to sit here with me you can.”

Steven grins, plopping down beside her. They are both silent for a moment before Steven speaks again.

“Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were talking about you this morning.”

This was interesting. And surprising. Why would they be talking about her? But she quickly hides her surprise, making her face blank. “Oh?” She answers, trying not to seem too interested.

“Yeah, there’s some kind of gem thing and they want you to go look at it. I think.” He shrugs.

Lapis smiles. “Thanks for the warning.” She goes to continue to meditate, but notices Steven staring at her. “What is it Steven?”

“Do you like Pearl?” he asks, rather bluntly, and Lapis immediately flushes.

“Uh…yeah, I mean she’s…uh…very nice?” She stumbles.

“Pearl likes you a lot too.” Steven says, crossing his legs. “She’s always really happy when you’re in the room. She laughs more.”

He says this matter-of-factly, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. He’s very observant for such a young being.

“Do you like her too?” He asks her again, staring at her with his wide blue eyes.

Lapis pauses for a moment, then sighs. “Yeah. I do.” She answers, smiling faintly at the boy.

He looks at her for a moment, then grins widely.  “That’s great!”  

All of the solemn seriousness he seemed to have had the moment before is gone. “What do you two do? Have you gone on a date together? Have you kissed her yet?” He asks her rapid-fire.

Lapis blinks. “Uh, I don’t know, not yet, and…kinda?” She answers slowly.

Steven’s eyes light up.

“Ooh you kissed Pearl? That’s amazing! That’s probably why she’s been so happy lately!”

Lapis is certain that her face is now on fire.

Steven grins at her, not noticing her embarrassment. “I’m so happy for you two!” He says, giving her a bone-shaking hug.

Lapis returns it awkwardly. “So, you said Garnet wanted to see me? We’d better not keep her waiting.” She says, quickly changing the subject.

Steven nods, but Lapis suspects he smirks once she turns her back. Together they step onto the warp pad.

They disappear in a flash of light, leaving the sky dome alone and still once more.

                                                                                                              -:-

They reappear inside the temple, Lapis’s skirt fluttering around her legs. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are all standing together in the kitchen, and they appear to have just ended a conversation.

Pearl has a frown on her face, but when she notices Lapis she smiles. Steven runs up to them grinning. “Hey guys! We’re back!”

Amethyst chuckles. “Yeah dude, we can see that.”

She ruffles his hair, then turns to Lapis. They’re all looking at her.

She forces her face to remain blank, determined to hide just how uncomfortable she is when they're staring at her like this. She crosses her arms.

“Lapis. I’m sure Steven already told you part of this, but we have something that you may be able to help us with.” Garnet says in that low way she has.

“What is it?” Lapis asks, eyebrows knotting together.

Garnet glances at the others and Pearl is the one to answer her question.

“There’s a place, of sorts. The walls are covered in strange writing, writing we can’t read.” She glances at Garnet before continuing.

“We think…that it might be some kind of prophecy. But we have no way to know without being able to read it.” She takes a breath.

“We think the…temple may have been built by Blue Diamond.”

Suddenly she gets it. “You want me to try and read it. The writing.” She says, arching an eyebrow.

Pearl hesitates, then nods. “Yes. If you’re willing.”

Lapis looks at her for a moment, but Pearl’s eyes are unreadable. They all look at her nervously. Finally she shrugs.

“It wouldn’t hurt to try. But it’s very likely to be something only Blue Diamond herself can make sense of.” Garnet nods, settling the matter.

“Alright. You can go with Pearl, since she’s the one who's managed to translate some of it already.” Lapis nods, glancing at Pearl from the corner of her eye.

Pearl notices, and gives her a tiny smile. It makes Lapis feel slightly less bad.

                                                                                                                  -:-

Once they warp there Lapis is surprised by how big the sky is. She’s flown through space itself, and obviously nothing compares to that, but still, this is pretty amazing.

Pearl stops beside her, craning her neck up at the sky as well. “What are you looking at?”

Lapis glances at her. “It’s just so…big.”

Once she says it she realizes that it’s a rather dumb thing to say. But Pearl smiles.

“Yeah. It’s different. I-I always liked coming here. This actually used to be a gem battlefield.”

Pearl sighs. “Thankfully though, the earth is very resilient to damage. It can almost always repair itself. If left alone of course.” At this point it seems as though Pearl is almost talking to herself.

Suddenly the thing that’s been bothering her all morning bubbles up all at once and she can’t keep from opening her mouth.

“Pearl?”

Pearl looks up, pausing in the middle of her recounting of all the different battlegrounds and how they’ve changed in past 5,000 years. “Yes?”

Lapis shifts uncomfortably. “Are you- I mean, you’re not mad at me, right?”

Pearl’s eyebrows scrunch together in surprise. “What? No, of course not!”

Pearl blinks, her eyes uncomfortable. “Why would you think that?”

Lapis shrugs looking away. “I don’t know, you just seemed really…distant this morning. I guess it’s just me then.”

She turns, walking away to wherever this place they’re going is. If they could ever just get there. Pearl has a shocked expression on her face but at the moment she doesn’t care.

It was annoying that Pearl couldn’t even act like she knew her in front of her friends. Was it important? Not at all. But it still made her feel bad.

She’s a little ways along when she hears Pearl’s voice calling out to her. She turns around to see Pearl behind her, a tiny bit out of breath.

“L-Lapis, wait.”

Pearl is still, her pale cheeks slightly flushed. “I-I’m sorry I was cold to you this morning. I just- I can sometimes be clingy and I was trying to, you know, not do that to you.” She laughs nervously. “I suppose I overdid it a bit. I’m sorry.”

Lapis sighs. “No, it’s not- you don’t need to be. I just- oh I don’t know. Maybe I want to be clung to for a while.” She smiles hesitantly.

Pearl returns it weakly. “I think…I think we’re really bad at this.” She gestures between them.

Lapis smiles at her dryly. “Yeah well, believe it or not, you don’t get great dating experience while you’re stuck in a mirror for thousands of years.”

Pearl laughs faintly at that.

She holds out her arms, and Lapis falls into her. It’s such a nice fit, even though they’re both a bit of a mess. This is such a nice place, being wrapped in Pearl’s arms. Lapis can hear Pearl giggle into her neck.

“What?” She asks, still not pulling away.

“Oh, it’s nothing, just that if you think you’re bad at this, you should know how much I suck at it.”

Lapis snorts, causing Pearl to laugh again. “Bad exs?”

“Oh no. I’m definitely the bad ex.”

“Should I run away screaming now?” She says lowly.

“Oh, I’d really rather you stay right here.” Lapis laughs.

“Okay then.”

They stand there for a moment, just glad for the other’s presence.

Finally Lapis sighs, pulling away. “We should probably go look at those inscriptions now.” Pearl blinks, nodding. “All right.”

Lapis smiles at her out of the corner of her mouth before straightening. “Please tell me we’re close though. This grass is making my ankles itch.” Pearl laughs lightly.

“Yeah, it’s just over this hill.” As they walk over the top of the hill, Lapis blinks, seeing that Pearl was right.

There is a massive stone building in the middle of the field, shaped in the form of a pyramid resting on its point. “Is that-“

“Yes.”

“Hm. If you say so.”

Pearl smirks and rolls her eyes. “We actually blew the entire thing up a few years ago. Luckily it regenerated back.”

Lapis nods, only half paying attention. “Can we go in now?” she asks, curiosity rising.

“Yeah, come on.” They both go down the hill that they’re standing on, and once they get there Pearl opens a doorway Lapis hadn’t noticed before.

Pearl gestures for her to go first. Lapis rolls her eyes, but continues on into the temple.

There is no visible way for outside light to enter the building, but there is enough light to see by. Once they are further inside Lapis sees that the gems were right.

All across the walls and ceiling are carvings, etched deeply into the stone. Pearl is suddenly standing right at her shoulder. “These are the ones that I’ve managed to translate.” She points to one of the walls.

“But the rest?” Lapis asks.

Pearl shrugs. “Not so much.”

Lapis nods. She stares around the hall, craning her neck up at the ceiling. She turns back to Pearl. “I’ve never been here. But this was definitely made by Blue Diamond.”

Pearl stares up at the walls. “So, do you think you can read them?”

Lapis crouches down on her knees to look at the carvings near the floor. She runs her fingers over the gouges, and she suddenly has a funny feeling in her stomach.

“This- it isn’t just simple writing. It’s not so much as translation as just reading them.”

Pearl gives her a funny look.

“I know that doesn’t make sense. It’s like they’re not literal words, not all of them. They’re some form of ancient magic inscribed onto the rock.” She bit her lip. “I sorry, I don’t know how to explain it.”

The truth was that this writing was truly a mess. Part she could understand, and another she couldn’t. She had a feeling that this was really was something only a Diamond, perhaps her Diamond could understand.

And if that were the case, then they were very out of luck.

“Do you have any idea what I should be looking for? It might be helpful, knowing what information to focus on.” She looks at Pearl curiously.

Pearl bit her lip. “Uh, something about an energy source. Possibly made from Blue Diamond’s magic.” Lapis arches an eyebrow.

This was turning out to be far more interesting than she had thought.

She clears her throat. “Well, this part mentions something about power,” she gestures to a part of the wall, “And this is a long thing about Blue Diamond’s magic, relating to the colonization of the earth. But I don’t see anything else.” She says, slight apology in her voice.

“Well, we weren’t even sure it was here. I- we appreciate you looking.” Lapis nods, rising gracefully from the floor.

“You want to leave now?” Pearl asks smiling.

“Yeah. This place is like a tomb.” Lapis says dryly. Pearl laughs. “Yes, that’s true.”

She holds out her hand. Lapis takes it.

Once they’re outside again, Lapis is surprised to see stars out. “Surely we weren’t-“

“In there all day? Yeah. The magic inside seems to make time go faster.” Pearl answers, as always happy to share information.

The stars are very bright, out here where it is far from the temple. She glances over at Pearl, only to see her staring at her with a fond smile on her lips.

“What?” she asks, her throat dry.

Pearl flushes and looks away. “Nothing…it’s just…I’m really glad you’re here. With me.”

Lapis smiles widely at that. “Yeah…me too.”

The stars are shining their faint glow on the pair, and Pearl seems to glow in the light.

Lapis is reminded of another night, a while ago, when she and Pearl could do nothing but stutter and blush.

As she grips Pearl’s hand she realizes just how much everything’s changed. She really does appreciate it.

Pearl is staring at her with eyes full of starlight.

“What are you thinking about?” She asks her softly.

Lapis beams a little. “Oh, I’m just thinking about kissing you right now.”

“Well? What are you waiting for?”

Lapis laughs, pressing a kiss and a hug onto the other girl, who is desperately flushed in the face. The stars shine down, and, for a moment, everything is perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	18. Chapter 18

Lapis lay awake in her room, unable to sleep.

Moonlight shone in through the window that she hadn’t bothered to close, making patterns of light on the floor. She exhales, turning over onto her side.

She's still wondering about what Steven had asked her earlier. And it honestly seemed rather lame that she and Pearl hadn’t done anything together yet. Nothing that would count as a real date anyway.

She sighs, rolling over onto her side so she could stare out the open window. She could feel the cool air from the ocean blowing in through the opening.

She blushes faintly. Was it even appropriate to ask Pearl on a date? And how did one go about this entire…dating thing? She knew that Amethyst or even Steven would know, but still, it was slightly…embarrassing to ask for their help. Although she supposed she would have to, since she honestly didn’t have a clue.

She resolves to ask Amethyst about it in the morning.

 

“ _H_ _ahaha_!”

“Amethyst! It isn’t funny!”

Amethyst finally manages to stop laughing, rubbing at her eye. “Sorry Lapis, but it’s actually really funny.”

Amethyst crosses her arms smirking. “So, I was right. You really did have a thing for Pearl this whole time!”

Lapis’s cheeks warm and she looks away. Amethyst smiles, leaning back against the rock where she’s sitting. The sun shines brightly down onto the beach, Lapis is already starting to feel hot. It is certain to be a very hot day.

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Why did I bother?” she says, turning to leave.

“Hey wait. I’ll help you.” Amethyst says quickly.

Lapis glances at the purple gem over her shoulder. “Really?” She says skeptically.

Amethyst grins. “Heck yeah. I know all ‘bout dating stuff. Besides, I’ve known Pearl longer than you, so I can help you decide what to do.”

Lapis frowns. “But Pearl doesn’t like to do anything you do.”

Amethyst smirks. “ _True_. But I do know what she hates to do, so I can warn you not to do that.”

Lapis stares at her blankly. “I’m not sure if that’s helpful.”

Amethyst looks mildly offended.

“You want my help or not?” She asks, arching an eyebrow.

Lapis shrugs, sighing. “All right, fine.”

Amethyst smiles, gesturing to the rock beside her. “So first, what’s your plan?”

Lapis stares at her blankly. “Uh…I’ll ask her?”

Amethyst rolls her eyes. “Okay first, you two are boring. Second, what are you actually asking her to do? Because trust me, Pearl will want to know that part. She always does.”

Lapis thinks she hears Amethyst mutter something that sounds suspiciously like fun killer under her breath.

Lapis hesitates before telling Amethyst her idea.

She had been practicing her reading on a few old magazines Steven had given her, (but once she opened them, she found that they were, without a doubt, Amethyst’s).

They had contained many articles about dating and so called "hot dating tips" which all seemed to center around males romancing females. Which of course had not helped her in the slightest.

So she had thought up her own idea, thinking back to something Pearl had mentioned to her before.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now, faced with saying it, it seemed very foolish. But Amethyst was looking at her expectantly.

“Well?” She asks.

So Lapis tells her.

Once she finishes, Amethyst nods thoughtfully. “It’s a little…strange. But Pearl is super strange, and you’re even stranger. So who knows?”

Amethyst pushes herself away from the rock with a grunt. “Still though, I’d try it. Most likely she’ll be thrilled either way.” She says with a shrug, starting back up the hill to the temple.

Lapis’s eyebrows knot together. “What do you mean by that?”

Amethyst glances over her shoulder, a smirk on her face. “She’s totally into you, nerd. Haven’t you noticed?”

With that she turns away, leaving Lapis alone in her dust.

                                                                                                           -:-

After she had thought about what Amethyst had said, Lapis decided to take her advice. She couldn’t help but wonder if Amethyst was serious about Pearl being that into her. Surely Amethyst was overreacting.

But the thought that she really was serious, wow. That would be…really wonderful.

But it was still unlikely, and foolish to base her hopes on that. She kept telling herself that, but it still couldn’t crush her hopes, foolish as they might be.

Finally, after sitting around worrying in her room all afternoon, she got up the energy to go look for Pearl.

She ends up finding her much quicker than she had hoped.

She’s darting around in the kitchen, humming some kind of quick little tune under her breath and Lapis can feel her breath (artificial as it is) catch in her throat.

Her hair is a little mussed up, sticking up slightly in different directions and Lapis is happy and frustrated all at the same time; happy because she can’t believe that this wonderful person actually cares about her, kisses her, but frustrated that she’s so perfect and yet still has no idea just how hard it is for Lapis to move over and simply talk to her.

She blinks hard, then clears her throat, alerting the pearl to her presence.

She whirls away from the huge pot on the stove, her blue eyes surprised, yet she beams when she sees Lapis.

“Hi!” she says cheerfully, removing her spoon from the pot.

Lapis notices that the end of it is partially dissolved, leaving almost half the spoon gone.

She arches an eyebrow.

“What are you doing?”

Pearl smiles brightly and waves her over. “Just come look!”

When she looks into the pot there is some kind of green oozing concoction bubbling within. But the very first thing she notices is the horrifying smell.

She steps back, her nose wrinkling. “What is that?!”

Pearl grins. “Acid.”

Lapis stares at her blankly, still making sure to keep her distance from the pot of acid.

“What! Why?”

“Oh, Garnet suggested that it would be helpful if we had some acid like Centipeatle could make. So I’ve been in here, making some.” She pats the massive pot almost fondly.

Lapis shakes her head, deciding to ignore how weird this is.

Pearl seems to notice that she never mentioned a reason for coming into the kitchen. “Lapis, did you need something?”

Lapis flushes, shifting uncomfortably. “Uh, well…”

Pearl stares at her expectantly.

She sighs. “I just wanted to ask if you…might want to go out tonight.”

Pearl blinks, her expression blank. Lapis’s heart sinks. “I would rather not. I simply don’t have anywhere I need to go. And I rather dislike going out alone at night.”

“Pearl!”

She blinks, frowning slightly. “What?”

Lapis rubs her eyes. “I-I didn’t mean for you to go out alone. I meant you and me. Like a date- kind of.”

Lapis feels like melting into the floor.

Pearl looks up quickly from her pot of acid, her blue eyes wide. “Really?”

Lapis rubs her finger harshly along one of the scars on her palm. “Yeah, but if you don’t want to, it’s fine, I know you’re really busy-“ she blinks, “with your acid.”

It takes Pearl a moment, but once she understands she wildly shakes her head. “Oh no, no, this can just sit overnight, at least I really hope so, but I’m not busy at all and-“

She takes a breath. “Yes I’d love to do that.” She smiles widely at Lapis.

Lapis grins. “Oh- thats great!”

She feels like jumping up and down or dancing around the room or going right up to Pearl and kissing her. But all of those were far too wild for her to actually do, so she just smiles and laces her fingers with Pearl’s.

Pearl just looks at her, with a look that is so full of caring and happiness that Lapis can almost feel it washing over her. Finally Pearl snaps out of their shared daze as a timer goes off somewhere in the kitchen.

She gives Lapis’s hand a gentle parting squeeze before releasing her hand to go stir the acid pot.

“So,” she begins, replacing the previous wooden spoon with one that looks like metal. “What exactly are we doing on this date?”

Lapis smirks, as she lifts herself into a sitting position on the countertop. “It’s a secret.”

Pearl immediately frowns as Lapis thought she would.

“I don’t really like surprises.” she murmurs quietly.

Lapis tilts her head to the side, her hair falling to the side slightly. “If I told you it wouldn’t be as fun.”

When Pearl still continues to pout Lapis slides off the counter, feet landing on the floor with a gent thunk. She goes over to Pearl, who has stopped stirring the acid pot.

“You’ll like it. Promise.” Lapis says quietly. Pearl stares at her, then finally smiles. “Okay, fine.”

Lapis beams, pressing a quick kiss to Pearl’s lips. She pulls away with a smile.

“Meet me on the beach at 9:00. And wear something you can swim in.”

She smiles at Pearl’s bemused expression.

But Pearl nods. “All right.”

Lapis smiles.

                                                                                                                      -:-

9:00 seems to come very slowly and very quickly all at once. She decides to skip dinner, not in the mood to eat or to talk to anyone else.

She knows that it is ridiculous to be this nervous about something, but she can’t help it. A little before, she slips out of the temple.

Steven’s already asleep in his bed, and the house is dark. She creeps by, careful not to wake him.

Once she reaches the water she immediately relaxes.

The ground is nothing but sand beneath her feet. The water brushes her ankles with a calm grace as it flows back and forth. She glances at the sky and is glad to see that it is a clear night.

She hears a noise behind her, and turns around quickly. She immediately flushes.

Pearl is wearing a swimsuit, just as she had told her, but still Lapis is surprised. The suit is a very pale blue one piece, held up by slender straps wrapping around her neck and tying in the back with a small bow. It fits her slender form quite well, and she shamefully wonders how she never noticed how long Pearl’s legs are.

Pearl’s staring at her, blue eyes shining in the moonlight.

Lapis clears her throat. “Ah…you look nice.”

Pearl blushes and smiles shyly. “So do you.” She murmurs quietly.

They are both silent for a moment, feeling oddly shy. Lapis shifts, then clears her throat. “Do you want to…” She gestures to the water.

Pearl smiles nervously. “You know you haven’t told me what we’re even doing tonight.”

Lapis smiles, her confidence returning. She grabs Pearl’s hand and gently pulls her to the water.

Pearl still has a perplexed look on her face, but she still follows Lapis into the water.  Slowly they both wade into the ocean, Pearl following Lapis’s lead. Pearl shivers slightly, although Lapis isn’t sure if it’s merely from the water.

Soon the water is near up to their chests. Lapis grips Pearls hand tighter.

“Follow me.” she murmurs softly, giving Pearl’s hand one last squeeze before diving under the water.

The sensation is a strange one, because this world’s ocean is still strange to her. But the water is where she belongs. Her senses are sharper, and the exhaustion that plagues her so often is gone.

She feels Pearl dive in behind her and she grins.

Seeing is slight, but Pearl swims up to her, tapping her shoulder. Her short hair is floating around her, and even though the water is dark, her skin shines in the water. After hours of resisting, Lapis can’t stop herself from pressing her mouth against the other girl’s.

In all honesty it wasn’t the best idea, for it flustered poor Pearl, who then opened her mouth, letting water in and choking herself. Lapis couldn’t help but smile.

She taps the girl’s chest with her thumb and Pearl instantly stops sputtering.

Lapis grins, then points farther into the water hoping that Pearl understands her message: _Follow me_.

Pearl nods and Lapis takes off in the direction.

They are both fast swimmers, Lapis is surprised that Pearl is as good as she is. But she shouldn’t be, Pearl seems to enjoy being the best at everything.

Lapis is just happy to be able to swim again. The water is a conflicting feeling, it is a relief and a sickening feeling all at once. But it is better than it used to be.  

She glances up and realizes that they’re here. She gestures to Pearl and pops to the surface. Pearl has stopped as well, and glances at her curiously.

They’ve stopped at what looks like a giant rock. The moon shines brightly above.

“What- what is this?” Pearl asks, her voice mystified.

Lapis turns to face her. Pearl’s hair is wet and plastered to her face, her chest rising and falling with the sub-conscience but unnecessary need for air, as her bright eyes focus on Lapis.

Lapis grins again, interlacing her fingers with Pearl’s. “Come on.” she says excited, hauling both of them onto the rock.

It’s a very small rock, just big enough for the both of them. Pearl sits down with a huff. “All right Lapis, I let you drag me out here, now I’d really like to know what’s-“

Her voice fades as Lapis points up at the sky.

The sky here is inky black, glittering with the light of thousands of tiny stars. Pearl stares up at the sky, transfixed. “Lapis…this is amazing.” she says breathlessly.

She turns toward the blue girl, her eyes wide. “How did you… you were actually listening.”

Lapis smiles, pulling her knees up under her chin. “You mean that day you wouldn’t shut up about human light pollution and how it was completely frustrating and you hate it?”

Pearl blushes, hitting her shoulder lightly. “Well nobody else listened to me.”

Pearl stares up at the sky again. “How did you even find this place?”

Lapis shrugs carelessly. “I like to fly around at night sometimes. Found it then.”

Pearl only nods in reply.

They sit in silence, both staring up at the night sky.

Lapis can’t help but think about everything she’s lost. All caused from nothing but hate for the wrong people and perhaps a little bad luck thrown into the mix.

She glances over at Pearl, who is staring into the sky, lost in her own thoughts. Lapis wonders what she’s thinking about.

Perhaps she is thinking like Lapis, about the life she could’ve had, had none of this happened. Had a little planet called Earth not been a part of their lives.

Both their lives would’ve probably been far less painful.

Lapis stares at the other girl, whose hair is still damp and whose skin still shines in the moonlight. If Lapis had never come to Earth, then this girl would never have been a part of her life.

It’s too much to stay that all the years of suffering have been worth it, but perhaps they haven’t been in vain.

The wind blows, causing them both to shiver.

She glances up at the stars one last time.

She sighs.

Pearl glances at her. “What is it?” she asks.

Lapis smiles sadly. “I dunno. Just thinking.”

Pearl arches an eyebrow. “About?”

Lapis laughs, rolling her eyes. “Just about…the old me.”

She turns to Pearl, frowning. “You know, you’ve never met her. Just the new one.”

She sighs. Pearl is silent.

“Do you know that I loved to dance? But I haven’t. It’s been so long, I’d doubt I’d remember how.” She laughs mirthlessly.

She notices Pearl staring at her, blue eyes unreadable. “We could dance, together. If you want.” Pearl says softly.

Lapis suddenly finds it impossible to take her eyes off the girl beside her.

Pearl is staring at her, eyes filled with emotions that Lapis can’t hope to unravel. There are so many things that could possibly go wrong, but still.

After a moment Lapis extends her hand, as she did so long ago. Pearl grasps it ever so gently, and Lapis intertwines them together. She takes a breath, then slowly tugs Pearl onto the water.

Pearl gasps slightly when she realizes that the water has become solid beneath their feet. They lock eyes and Lapis gives Pearl a barely noticeable nod.

Pearl exhales, then places her hand on Lapis’s waist. It is a light touch, barely brushing her skin.

It’s hesitant and gentle, exactly Pearl, and Lapis loves her for it. She rests her hand on Pearl’s shoulder and gives her a faint smile.

Pearl begins to move, leading her without force in the steps. Even though she hasn’t danced in a lifetime they are still able to move smoothly together.

Pearl’s hand is cool and firm on her waist, grounding her.

Lapis smiles, and would probably laugh as well if she wasn’t concentrating on their dance.

She imagines this would probably look very odd if anyone were to see them right now. They’re both dancing on the top of the ocean wearing nothing but bathing suits, their hair is matted and wet and they’re both beaming like idiots.

Pearl is starting to loosen up and enjoy herself and it's wonderful.

In a moment of daring Pearl twirls her, and Lapis unable to keep from giggling.

Even as they are slowly learning each other’s movements they still go slowly, with grace.

It is so different.

So different from last time.

Lapis laughs again, which proves to be contagious, as Pearl smothers a giggle.

Soon they’re both laughing so hard they can’t dance anymore.

They just rest their arms around each other, Pearl’s around her waist and hers over Pearl’s shoulders.

The moon is so bright against the water.

Lapis feels something, something pulling at her chest. She understands, how Garnet could exist for so long. How others could be so happy all the time. How they could feel.

Because this girl that is currently pressed to her chest, makes her feel like never leaving.

Never quitting.

Never having to feel hollow, as if something’s missing from her soul.

Pearl bites her lip, blushing beautifully. “Uh…” she begins awkwardly, but Lapis won’t, _can’t_ let her finish.

Her lips are pressed against Pearl’s in a second, and Pearl sighs. It’s a kiss filled with feelings, promises that neither are ready to say.

But they can both feel them and that’s enough.

                                                                                                                  -:-

Once they get home they creep inside, careful not to wake Steven, and go to Lapis’s room.

Pearl leaves for a moment, returning with tea and a few towels.

They’re mostly dry by this time, but Lapis knows her hair is matted and damp and probably looks terrible. They sit on her bed and talk about nothing for a long while.

They’re both laughing about nothing important what so ever. But it makes Lapis feel like smiling forever. Eventually she falls asleep on Pearl’s shoulder, her girlfriend gently running her fingers through her hair.

She sighs, closing her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugg this chapter is sooo long! I got a little stuck in places but I'm pretty happy with it now.  
> Also, I just wanted to say thank you for all you guys following, commenting and liking this story! It means a lot to me, and you are the best.


	19. Chapter 19

Lapis sighs. Now it was official. She was definitely now sick of Earth’s erratic weather patterns.

For the past three days after her date with Pearl it had been pouring rain unceasingly.

While Lapis wasn’t one to complain about excessive amounts of water, her irritation had far more to do with the lack of anything to do. Because, for the past three days, everyone had been stuck inside the temple together. And they were all getting quite sick of it.

Feeling stifled, she had gone out flying one night in the pouring rain. But Pearl had caught her coming in, wet to the bone, and immediately started to fuss at how wet and cold she was.

While the attention was nice, it didn’t help the suffocating feeling of being stuck somewhere.

She had also noticed Pearl seemed to be slightly more on edge than normal. Sometimes she would see Pearl’s eyes darken slightly when she was talking to her, but it always vanished before she could really be certain of what she saw.

Still…it was concerning.

She hoped that Pearl would tell her if anything was actually wrong, but she had a sinking feeling that Pearl would not. Which frustrated her a great deal.

But Steven and the others kept her occupied, not giving her a good opportunity to talk to Pearl alone. They played board games, watched the television box thing, and simply sat around till Lapis was cross-eyed with boredom.

She sits up from the sofa, blinking wearily. Yep, it’s still raining.

She considers flopping back down on the sofa cushions when Steven appears out of nowhere and plops down beside her. His usual smile is noticeably absent, and Lapis realizes that all this must be finally getting to him as well.

The thought is rather depressing, and she reaches out a hand to the boy’s shoulder. “You okay?” she asks.

Steven sighs. “Yeah I guess.”

Lapis smiles gently at him. “Alright.”

They’re silent for a moment before Steven speaks. “Lapis, can I tell you something?”

Lapis arches an eyebrow. “Sure.” she says shrugging, curious as to what’s bothering him.

“Well…I think everyone’s getting a little sick of being in the the house together.” he says sadly.

Lapis stares at him for a moment, then snorts. “Yeah that’s probably true.” she says cheerfully.

Steven still looks incredibly depressed and Lapis pats his back again. “But we’re a family and we’re supposed to all get along!” he says frustratedly.

Lapis shrugs. “We do get along pretty well. But we can’t get along together all the time.”

Steven nods, flopping back against the sofa cushions with a sigh. Lapis can tell he’s still upset, and she hates it. Suddenly she has an idea.

“Hey.” she says, tapping his shoulder, “You know what both our problems are? We’ve been stuck in this house for way too long. Want to go for a walk for a little while?”

Steven’s eyebrows knot together. “But it’s still pouring outside.”

Lapis looks at him reproachfully. “Haven’t you forgotten you’re talking to the water witch here?” she says with a smirk.

Steven shifts uncomfortably before glancing up at her. “You found out about that?” he asks nervously.

Lapis just laughs.

Steven blinks for a moment then grins widely. “Yeah, let’s go!” he says excitedly. His grin is infectious.

She nods, now grinning as well. “All right, let me just go tell Pearl we’re leaving, okay?”

Steven’s eyes twinkle with tiny stars. “Kay!” he says, jumping off the sofa, “I’ll go get ready!”

Lapis smiles after him. He really was amazing. She shakes her head to herself.

She rises with a sigh, off to look for Pearl. It’s as though Pearl has somehow read her mind, for at that very moment the warp pad flashes and Pearl appears.

Her back is to Lapis, and it’s hunched slightly. Lapis bit her lip before moving towards the other girl.

“Pearl?”

Pearl turns around at the sound of her voice and her eyes are filled with that strange emotion that Lapis doesn’t understand. It’s a feeling of being…lost.

But before Lapis can decide what it means it’s gone. Pearl smiles at her, and though it’s friendly, it’s also a little forced.

Lapis stares at her for a moment too long. She clears her throat. “Steven and I are going to go on the boardwalk for a little while. If it’s fine with you.” she adds.

Pearl blinks. “Oh, yes, that’s fine. It would actually do him some good to get out of this house. Just make him carry an umbrella and raincoat, I don’t want him to get a cold or anything-“

“Pearl.” Lapis says quietly. She stares up at the pale girl before her. “Is everything okay?”

Pearl flushes slightly, and Lapis can tell that she didn’t want to answer. “O-of course, what would make you say that?” Pearl says, not meeting Lapis’s eyes.

Lapis sighs, stepping closer to Pearl. “You’re not looking at me.” She answers in a soft voice.

Pearl’s bright blue eyes meet hers and they’re filled with surprise.

Lapis stares at her, silently trying to tell her something; she doesn’t know what exactly. Just something.

After a moment Pearl sighs. “I-I’m sorry. I haven’t been myself today. Must be tired.” she says, with another weak smile that Lapis doesn’t return.

Lapis grasps Pearl’s hand in hers carefully. Trying to hold onto something that feels as though it’s slipping through her fingers.

“Pearl. You’d tell me if something were really bothering you right?”

Pearl gives her a small smile, although this one is real. “Yes. Of course.”

Lapis smiles wryly. “Alright.”

She extends her arms, and it takes Pearl a moment to realize that she’s offering a hug. A faint blush around her cheeks, Pearl returns it gently, wrapping her arms around the blue gem. Pearl’s skin feels cooler than normal.

After a moment Lapis pulls away to look at the other gem. “You sure?” she asks one more time.

Pearl nods. “You’d better go though. Don’t want to keep Steven waiting.”

Lapis smiles faintly. After a moment Pearl leans forward, brushing her lips against Lapis’s in a chaste kiss.

Lapis smiles as she leans into the kiss, realizing that to fully reach Pearl’s mouth she has to perch on her toes.

Her lips brush against Pearl’s smoothly and she sighs as-

“Awww!”

Pearl and Lapis immediately jerk away from each other. Pearl’s face is bright blue and Lapis can feel herself blushing as well.

Steven just grins.

“Steven, Lapis- why don’t you two just go on now.” Lapis smirks, pressing a light kiss against Pearl’s lips before swirling away.

Pearl blushes even harder. “Oh- just go already.” she says, shoving Lapis gently.

Lapis laughs. Still smiling she grabs Steven’s hand, and pulls them both out the door.

 

                                                                                                                       -:-

It’s raining and cool outside, but Lapis loves it. The feeling of rain almost makes her skin tingle with energy and life.

If it were up to her she would’ve let herself get soaked to the bone. But Steven wasn’t supposed to get wet, so she simply willed the water away from them, causing an appreciative _ooh_ from Steven and a few strange looks from the few people they saw.

They hung around the boardwalk, which was almost completely empty, except for one brave soul still trying to fish, despite the pouring rain. She was tempted to help him, but had a feeling her way of fishing wouldn’t be appreciated.

They stopped in one of the places humans buy food, restaurants, and got cups full of liquid that Steven called hot chocolate. After she cautiously took a sip, she decided she liked it.

It’s frankly a relief to be out of the temple again, after so long stuck indoors it had begun to feel stifling. Steven had perked up quite a bit as well. Lapis was glad to hear him laugh again.

It always surprises her how much she actually cares about him. It’s very…unlike her.

They stay outside till Steven starts to get tired. He insists that he’s fine, but Lapis knows better.

Offering a ride on her back, which after a bit of weak protesting he accepts, she flies them both back to the temple.

Once they’re back at the temple, Lapis realizes that, as fun as this has been, she desperately wants a bit of alone time. So she tells Steven goodbye and leaves for her room.

                                                                                                                         -:-

She lays down on her bed for a little while, not quite awake but still not asleep.

Her thoughts drift aimlessly, as she lies there, staring out the window at the rain that is still falling from the sky.

Suddenly a light _thunk_ jolts her from her thoughts. It sounded as though something, or someone has fallen on the roof.

At first she planned on ignoring it, assuming that it was simply one of the gems coming back from a mission. But it was still storming. A flash of lightning lights up her room, confirming that.

Finally her curiosity gets the best of her and she slips off the mattress and over to the window.

Quickly she opens it and flutters out into the rain. She lets the rain fall onto her skin this time and it’s nice.

Perhaps a bit sticky, but still nice.

She drifts upward, and though the rain blurs her seeing abilities slightly, she thinks she can make out a shadow, sitting at the top of the cliff above the temple.

Who it could be, she has no idea.

Slowly she flutters upward, landing on the wet grass a moment later.

It’s Pearl she realizes with a shock, and she’s sitting sort of hunched over, completely soaked to the bone.

She wonders how long she’s been out here.

“Pearl?”

The gem turns at the sound of her name. Her eyes are wild and tear-stained. “Lapis.” she says, her voice cracking.

The rain mixes with the tears running down her cheeks.

Immediately Lapis falls down beside the girl, wrapping her arms around Pearl tightly. Pearl buries her face in the crook of Lapis’s neck.

“Pearl…what’s wrong?” she asks softly, running her fingers over the gem’s short damp hair. She brushes a few of her bangs out of her eyes before her hands move to cup her cheeks.

Pearl stares at her for a moment before looking away. “I-I’m sorry.” she murmurs.

Lapis shakes her head. “No, you shouldn’t be. You haven’t done anything to be sorry for.”

Pearl looks away, sniffling. “Yes I have.” Her eyes are glazed over, unreachable.

But Lapis has to try. “Pearl, no you hav-“

“Yes I have!” Pearl says with surprising ferocity. But all her anger seems to drain away. “You’ve been so wonderful a-and I just-“ she stops, biting her lip. A tear slips out but Lapis brushes it away.

“You can tell me Pearl. Anything.” she says softly.

Pearl stares at her for a moment, then sighs faintly. “Steven’s mother…”

“Yes?”

“I... loved her. I still do. I think I do.” Her eyes meet Lapis’s for the first time. “But you… I don’t know anymore. You’re so wonderful and I-I just don’t know anymore.”

Lapis stares at her for a long moment, simply processing what Pearl has told her.

“Pearl…I think what you’re asking is if it’s okay to love us both.” She cups her cheek gently, rubbing a thumb against her pale skin.

“It’s alright to care about more than one person. I don’t know about the relationship you had with her, but I-I would never ask you to give that up.”

Pearl blinks, looking a bit struck.

Lapis smiles gently. “And Pearl?”

“What?” she asks, caught off guard.

“I love you too.”

Even in the storm Lapis can see the blush spread across her cheeks.

She presses a light kiss to Pearl’s lips, the other girl kissing back softly.

After a moment they part, Lapis wrapping an arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders.

Lapis realizes that it’s still raining. And they’re both wet.

“Pearl?”

“Hmm?” Pearl says, glancing up from Lapis’s shoulder.

“We’re both wet.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to go dry off in my room? We could hang out for a little while in there, if you want.”

Pearl makes a sound of agreement. Lapis laughs.

She squeezes her shoulder.

                                                                                                                              -:-  
After they come back inside Lapis wills the water off of both them.

Pearl still looks a little hesitant and sad, but she still smiles when Lapis kisses her.

They curl up together on Lapis’s little bed, and though Pearl always insists that she doesn’t require sleep, her eyes flutter closed almost instantly.

Lapis stares at her for a moment. She wonders why, if Pearl loved her so much, why was Rose Quartz Steven’s mother. Why had she chosen someone else over this wonderful, beautiful pearl?

As she stares at Pearl’s sleeping face, relaxed in a way that she never is when she’s awake, she can’t imagine ever choosing someone else.

She smiles to herself. Perhaps she really does love her.

Yes, she does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So I'm soooo sorry about the ridiculously long time since I've updated this. August has been a kind of horrible month for me and I'm just thrilled that the entire thing is done with. And of course starting school is never fun:P But things are starting to feel more under control, so I'll try and update soon!
> 
> Also I love hearing what you guys think, so please comment and tell me what you think!


	20. Chapter 20

Lapis blinks sleepily. Peridot is still saying something to her, but she is beyond the point of listening to the other gem.

She had spent the day alone in her room, reading and sleeping off and on. Steven had paid her a visit earlier in the afternoon, with lemonade and some strange cookie things he had called oreos. They honestly hadn’t been bad. And Steven’s company was something that always made her feel brighter.

She stifles a yawn, and a strong urge to roll her eyes at the gem across the small screened device Steven had gotten her. She had very little interest in it, except for the fact that she could talk to Steven (and Peridot, apparently,) through it.

And she could read anything she wanted to on it, according to Steven. So she didn’t mind.

“-and so that was a perfect recount of my entire day. So…what did you do?” Peridot finishes awkwardly.

Lapis blinks. “Um…I read. A book.”

“Oh. Neat.”

“Yep.”

Suddenly there’s a knock at her door. “Someone’s here. I’ve got to go.”

Peridot nods once before Lapis flicks the device off. With a sigh she crosses her legs underneath herself. “You can come in.”

She smiles softly when it’s Pearl that opens the door.

“Hey.” Pearl says, smiling a little nervously. Lapis laughs, and pats the bed beside her. There is no reason for Pearl to be nervous around her, and Lapis wishes she could get her to understand that.

Pearl blushes faintly, and slips down beside her. Lapis grins, and presses a light kiss against Pearl’s cheek. She grins even more when Pearl’s blush grows.

But that hadn’t been her point. With a light sigh she can feel Pearl lean into her, resting her head against her’s. Pearl’s bangs brush her cheek lightly.

Damn it. Now she’s the one blushing.

“You said you wanted to show me something?” Pearl asks hesitantly.

Lapis glances up and their eyes meet for a moment too long. Lapis finds herself losing her train of thought. “Uh…yeah.”

She moves, shifting the mattress underneath both of them as she grabs the tablet Steven gave her. Quickly she moves back to Pearl, letting herself flop against the other girl’s chest with a small huff.

To her relief Pearl doesn’t move to give her more space, just simply moves to let her head rest on top of Lapis’s.

She turns on the device, fingers flicking across the screen. Pearl watches her, silent. After a moment she finds what she’s looking for.

She presses a button on the screen, and music flows out from the object. She looks at Pearl grinning. “Isn’t it amazing?”

Pearl smiles, nodding.

They sit, listening to the music pour softly into the room. The singer’s voice murmurs softly throughout the quiet room as Lapis tucks her head into the crook of Pearl’s neck.

She feels at peace, something that has become more common of late. Perhaps Pearl can feel it too. She hopes so.

The song comes to an end, quietly fading away. She blinks slowly. “I didn’t realize humans had learned to make music like that.” she says, breaking the silence.

Pearl shifts slightly against her back, making something that sounds like a light hmm. “Humans…they are full of surprises.” Pearl says dryly.

Lapis laughs. “You’re just grumpy.”

Pearl rolls her eyes at Lapis’s teasing. “I’m tired.”

“I thought you didn’t get tired.”

Pearl huffs. “Not normally. I spent the entire afternoon chasing down corrupted gems. Forgive me for being a little tired.”

Lapis rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “You’re still grumpy.” She ruffles Pearl’s hair, grinning. “Like a grumpy little bird.”

Pearl snorts. “Really?”

Lapis leans closer to her, laughing into her chest. “Don’t worry. It’s cute.”

Pearl sighs dramatically. “Well I suppose that’s better than the alternative.”

Lapis is still laughing. “Trust me, it is.”

Pearl rolls her eyes before gently tugging on her waist, pulling her into her lap. Lapis blushes ridiculously, as if they hadn’t been this close before. Even though her cheeks are flushed Lapis still grins. “So…”

Pearl bites her lip, hesitant, and now it’s Lapis’s turn to roll her eyes. “Please.”

Pearl sighs when Lapis finally closes the gap between them. Pearl’s lips move softly against hers and Lapis wants to sigh as well.

Smiling into their kiss, Lapis winds her arms around Pearl’s neck, pressing their bodies flush against each other. Pearl responds to that by wrapping her arms around her waist, still light against her skin.

That is something, or one of the things that she loves about Pearl. She is always gentle with Lapis, even in passion.

The fleeting memories that she has of past lovers were never so kind, or caring. That was something that they had all shared; rough kisses and rougher touches.

She had thought it nice at the time, thought she had liked it, but it hadn’t been what she wanted after all.

It had been enough to lose herself in. But this…with Pearl, she didn’t find herself fading at all. It made her feel more present in the world than ever. It made her _feel_.

And she never wanted to return to being that cold, unfeeling person she used to be.

As she pulls away, Pearl breathless and cheeks flushed bright blue, she wonders if Pearl has any idea how much impact she really has had on Lapis.

No, she decides, there is no way. The impact has been too vast.

As they both sit there, smiling like fools, simply basking in each other’s presence, Lapis decides that Pearl should know how she’s changed her life. Someday, Lapis will tell her just how much.

But right now, she’s happy to be here with someone she actually loves.

Pearl brushes a kiss against the top of her head, snapping her out of her thoughts. “You’re quiet.” Pearl murmurs.

Lapis swallows, finding her throat dry. “I-I’m just really happy.”

Pearl smiles, her eyes bright, and it’s worth every word.

Gently Pearl pulls away, flopping against the pillows Lapis has on her bed. “Ugh…I’m tired.”

Lapis smiles, curling up beside her. “So you finally admit it.” she says with a smirk.

Pearl rolls her eyes before pressing a feather light kiss against her lips. Pearl pulls away after a moment, her eyes still closed. Lapis rests her head against Pearl’s chest, shutting her eyes as well.

“I forgot to tell you something.” Pearl murmurs suddenly, her voice mumbly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s, um…Steven. He’s going to come running in here tomorrow morning and ask you to come to the beach with us tomorrow night.”

Lapis groans into her chest, although she’s grinning. “Ughh… is there a reason?”

Pearl does a weird half shrug underneath her. “I think it’s something about…Connie, you know her right?”

Lapis nods, remembering Steven’s friend. “I think..she’s going back to school or something…maybe like a end of summer party…oh I can’t remember now.” Pearl mutters, mostly to herself.

Lapis laughs to herself. She would love to kiss her again, but that would probably distract them from the matter at hand, which was to rest. “Aw. That sounds like fun.”

Pearl smiles sleepily. “Yeah. And don’t tell him that I told you. He really wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Sure.” Lapis is starting to realize that she’d do almost anything for that little boy. She starts to say something but her voice fades away when she sees that Pearl’s eyes have finally fluttered shut.

She smiles softly to herself before curling against Pearl’s chest and closing her eyes as well.

                                                                                                                -:-

  
When she wakes, the birds outside are chirping.

As her eyes open she realizes that Pearl is both awake and not paying attention to her. She has a book about something or another in one hand, the other is busy stroking her hair absently.

Sleepily Lapis grins. “Hello.” She says with a smirk.

Pearl looks up from her book, blinking. “Oh-you’re awake. I wondered how long you’d sleep.”

Lapis rolls her eyes, sitting up. “Please. I bet you only woke up five minutes ago.”

She laughs out loud at Pearl’s expression.

Lightly she presses a kiss against Pearl’s lips then flops off the bed. Pearl groans, then follows her a moment later out the door.

                                                                                                              -:- 

That day goes by quickly.

She ate a tiny bit of the breakfast that Pearl fixed for Steven, and he does ask her about the party later that night. She agrees with a smile, and a tiny glance at Pearl.

Steven’s eyes shine, and she beams.

Later she tags along with Amethyst to go visit Peridot, and they all watch some kind of movie together. It’s somewhat entertaining, and she has fun.

After a while she can tell that Amethyst and Peridot want some alone time, so she excuses herself and takes off, quite literally.

The air feels cooler in the sky, perhaps having something to do with the changing seasons on Earth. She would have to ask Steven or Pearl about that later.

She’s been floating carelessly over the ocean for a long while now, but for some reason, her curiosity shifts, and she turns to the small town near the temple.

There are a few people around, but none of them pay her any attention. Suddenly a person catches her eye, and she turns, fluttering to the ground in front of them.

“Hello.” Lapis says lightly.

Jenny’s eyes are wide with surprise, but then she seems to snap out of it, and smiles carelessly. “Hey blue girl. Haven’t seen you ‘round in a while.”

Lapis shrugs with a slight grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. “I’ve been busy I suppose. Besides, time passes quicker for humans than gems.”

Jenny laughs at that. “Yeah I guess.” she concedes. Despite her relaxed tone, Jenny’s brown eyes flicker with serious. “But really. You been okay?”

Lapis nods. “Yeah.”

Jenny shifts, resting her hands in the pockets of her jacket. “So…how’d things ever go with that girl- Pearl right?”

Lapis shifts, and she can feel her cheeks warm despite herself. “Uh- it’s, well um, it’s fine.”

Jenny arches an eyebrow. “Oooh, I think they went good. Didn’t they?” Jenny says with a smirk.

Lapis is sure that her cheeks are now entirely flushed, but she smiles and nods. “Yeah. We’re- well I suppose we’re sort of together now.”

Jenny grins and throws her arms around Lapis in a weird kind of embrace. Lapis decides to reciprocate, hugging her back.

“Girl- that’s great!” Jenny says excitedly as she pulls away. Lapis beams despite being slightly embarrassed, and nods. “I know, it’s- it’s nice.”

Jenny smirks widely. “I’m sure.”

Lapis isn’t sure why, but it’s so nice to talk to Jenny, even if just for a little while. She’s a person who is so different from Lapis, yet she’s still accepting and welcoming.

The opposite of gems. It’s a sort of relief.

They talk for a little longer, Jenny's curious about what exactly gems would even do together, and Lapis answers as best she can, and Jenny lets it go when she doesn’t understand something. Eventually the sun falls in the sky and Lapis excuses herself, having promised to meet Steven on the beach.

                                                                                                                    -:-

Everyone is there when she gets there, but still, it isn’t awkward. Garnet smiles at her as she passes, and Amethyst waves from the other end of the party.

She goes over to where Steven and Peridot are sitting in the sand. They’re talking about something, and Peridot is doing quite a bit of gesturing in the process.

It appears as though Steven is trying to explain some sort of card game to Peridot. From the frown on Peridot’s face it isn’t going well.

She smirks to herself.

Steven sighs, before he notices Lapis coming over to them.

“Hey Lapis.” He says cheerfully.

Lapis grins, and sits down on the sand with a plop. “Hey.” She arches an eyebrow. “What’s with the cards?” She gestures down toward the ground.

Steven glances down, blushing. “Oh. I was just teaching Peridot how to play crazy eights.” Peridot frowns.

“It’s not going all that well.” Steven whispers not subtly.

Peridot groans. “Well I can’t help the fact that human games are dense and ridiculous, can I?”

Lapis laughs. “She’s right Steven. They are confusing. At least to us.”

Steven folds the cards up back into the package. He’s silent for too long, and Lapis worries that she’s said something wrong. But then he speaks.

“Well, what kind of games do gems play?”

That catches Lapis off guard. Peridot looks just as baffled as she does.

“Uh…well-“

“Gems do not play “games” Steven.” Peridot interrupts, and Lapis can tell that she’s about to get on a roll with this.

“Gems are a world-conquering race. We simply do not have the time or the desire to waste our time on such a pointless thing as playing games.”

Steven frowns a little. “You really didn’t like the cards, did you?”

Peridot blinks. “Uh…”

Lapis laughs quietly. Suddenly Steven turns to her. “What about you Lapis?”

Lapis blinks, her eyebrows scrunching together. “What?”

“Did you play games when you were on Homeworld?”

Lapis tries to think. She really tries. And there is a feeling of something there. Some remainder of the life she had eons ago.

But as much as she strains, there are no memories there. Just a hole.

Steven and Peridot both are looking at her expectantly, and she swallows, trying to cover the sick feeling that is now growing inside her stomach.

“Uh…I don’t recall Steven.” She mumbles, eyes fixing onto the sand. Steven seems to realize her discomfort, and doesn’t press her.

“Hey Lapis, My dad made a bunch of iced tea, and it’s really good. You wanna go try some?”

She smiles gratefully and follows him across the sand.

                                                                                                                       -:-

The rest of the party is a bit of a blur. She talks with Connie about sparring and about other more human things that she only partially understands. The iced tea turns out to be something that she enjoys very much, and Greg is very willing to give her as much as she wants.

A little while later she’s sitting on the sand with her cup of tea, staring at the ocean.

She’s a little ways away from everyone, but she can hear their voices floating over the sand. Garnet’s low voice and then a loud cackle that is certainly Amethyst. Steven’s is next, saying something to his friend and Connie answers lightly after.

The sound is a nice one.

The wind rustles her hair slightly.

She hears light footsteps behind her, but she doesn’t bother to turn around.

“Hey.” Pearl says softly, sitting down beside her with a gentle plop.

Lapis doesn’t bother to answer, but simply lets her head fall against Pearl’s shoulder. Pearl glances down at her curiously.

Gently she smiles, tucking a lock of blue hair behind her ear. “You okay?”

Lapis groans lowly. “I dunno.”

Pearl sighs with a smile. “I know something’s bothering you.”

Lapis sighs. “It’s just…Steven asked me something about Homeworld, and I couldn’t remember. There was just a big hole where the memory should be.”

Pearl is silent for a long moment. “Lapis…I don’t-“

“I don’t blame you.” Lapis cuts her off. “For anything that’s happened. It’s just…frustrating, feeling like you forgotten something, but you can’t even remember what you’ve forgotten. I don’t know.” She sighs again.

“Lapis…I wish I could help you somehow. But I don’t know how.” Pearl says, and she sounds so sad.

Lapis exhales, looking up from Pearl’s shoulder. “I-I don’t have all of my past, or my old memories. But you…you can help me make new memories. Maybe they could…even be better.”

Pearl’s smile at that makes it all worth it.

Pearl kisses her softly, and Lapis finds herself realizing that, even though she is truly a mess, perhaps she doesn’t have to stay that way. Maybe she could become someone new.

Maybe she could move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 20th chapter!!!!! This is actually something I'm really proud of, and being able to update this long is a little insane! Also I just wanted to add that, although updates on this fic might be really slow, they're still going to happen. This story is like my baby, and I've gotten too attached to end it: D Besides, I want to see if I can get to 30 chapters; )
> 
> As always, I love hearing what you guys think!! It always makes me happy to know what you thought about the chapters and everything <333


	21. Chapter 21

The holidays, despite Steven trying to explain them several times to both her and Peridot, were still somewhat nonsensical to Lapis. 

Gems…they didn’t celebrate random things like this.  It was just…weird.  But this wasn’t Homeworld, it was Earth.  And she saw no point in not going along with any of it, despite not completely getting it. 

She sips her tea, blowing on it slightly. 

Amethyst is slouched beside her on the sofa, looking half-asleep. Lapis blinks slowly. Soon she might be that way herself. 

The weather is something frightful outside.  The temperature has fallen wildly, and the sun has mostly disappeared behind clouds.  Lapis has found that she does not care greatly for the cold. 

But it’s fine, inside the temple is warm, and  it isn’t all that necessary for her to go outside often.  Mostly she just sits and reads or sleeps. 

A lifetime ago she would’ve found all this boring, but now, after all the horrors and misery she has had to endure, boring and peaceful is the way she prefers.

Besides, the gems and Steven all continue on with their lives around her, and the bustle of it all is rather cheery.  She likes it. 

With a sigh she shifts on the sofa, taking another small sip of her tea.  Amethyst grunts beside her. 

Suddenly the door open, letting in a gust of cold air.  Steven bounds in, a wide smile on his face, and his cheeks flushed.

“Hey Lapis, Amethyst!  We’re back! You’ll never guess what we got!” 

Amethyst sits up, yawning slightly.  “I’m sure dude.”

Footsteps creak and fall on the stairs outside, and after a moment Garnet and Greg straggle in, caring something that looks like a tree. 

Why they would be putting a tree in their house is something that baffles Lapis.  Another one of the strange holiday things, she supposes. It’s still weird. 

But Steven seems to be excited by the entire thing, so it can’t be all bad. 

Garnet holds the tree in the corner of the room while Greg starts filling a container with water.

“Why is it a tree?” Lapis whispers to Amethyst.

 Amethyst shrugs carelessly. “I dunno.  Just some weird human thing. Steven and Greg do it, so a few years ago we just decided why not, ya know?”

Steven is helping Garnet straighten the tree in the buckety thing Greg had found for it.  The small nettles that cover the tree also fall all over the floor. 

“It’s a very messy tree.” Lapis says, arching an eyebrow.

Amethyst smirks.  “Yep. Pearl just loooves Christmas.”

“It comes with a rather lot of mess.”

Amethyst laughs.  “Yeah.  Pearl’s always a big giant stress ball about it. So that’s all fun.” 

Lapis smiles.  More nettles fall onto the ground. 

“Lapis, does this look straight to you?” Greg says from across the room.  If it were anything, this house wasn’t boring.  Lapis smiles and gives a thumbs up.

                                                                                                                  -:-

Pearl isn’t happy when she sees the floor. 

Just coming in from grocery shopping, she already looked rather fed up, but she immediately frowns when her eyes land on the floor. 

“They put a tree in the house.” Lapis offers unhelpfully. 

Pearl glances at her, blue eyes tired.  “Yes, well, they do that at this time of year.”  Pearl sighs slightly, setting the grocery bags down on the counter.  “It’s fine.  I don’t mind.”

Lapis arches an eyebrow as she slips gently off the sofa.  Pearl sighs again.  “Okay, I’m _trying_ not to mind. I can just clean it up later.”

Lapis nods absently, taking something out of a shopping bag.  “Let me help.” she says calmly, turning to Pearl. 

Pearl blinks, a little surprised.  “Oh-ah all right.” 

Quietly they work, Pearl quickly pointing out the specific places for things.  In no time they’re done. Pearl seems a tad antsy, but Lapis just assumes it’s all the mess and the tree. 

She walks back into the living room to get her old tea cup.  When she comes back Pearl is still there, looking more stressed out than ever.  Lapis rinses her cup out, then places it into the dishwasher. 

“Uh- Lapis?” Pearl asks shakily. 

“Yeah?” Lapis answers, turning curiously. 

Pearl’s cheeks are flushed blue now.  “Would you, I mean, unless of course you have something else you’d rather-“

“Pearl, what is it?” Lapis asks, cutting her off. 

Pearl shifts nervously.  “Would you want to go out tonight? With me.” she clarifies. 

Lapis smiles, biting back a laugh.  So this was what this was all about.  “That sounds like fun.  All right.”

Pearl noticeably relaxes once she says this, and Lapis has to bite her lip to keep from laughing.  Stars she was adorable. 

Lapis turns to leave, then something occurs to her.  “Pearl?”

Pearl turns, eyes wide.  “Yes?” 

Lapis grins, before tugging her into a deep kiss.  Pearl lets out a muffled gasp before she sighs, melting into the kiss.  Lapis pulls her closer, reaching a hand up to cup her cheek gently. 

Pearl’s lips glide against hers, and she wonders in the back of her mind if there’s anything she’s ever enjoyed as much as kissing Pearl.

Probably not. 

With a sigh they pull apart, and she’s delighted to see the dazed look on Pearl’s face.  She grins brightly, brushing her thumb against Pearl’s soft cheek.

“I like spending time with you.  I like you.  Don’t worry so much.” She murmurs softly. 

Pearl’s eyes are wide, but she nods.  Gently Lapis presses another chaste kiss against Pearl’s lips before she tugs herself away. 

“Today okay?” She says with a grin.  Pearl blinks once before she nods.  “Yes, of course, right.” 

Lapis turns out of the room, and she can’t help the pleased grin that is growing across her face. 

                                                                                                               -:-

Dinner is always fun, even though Lapis doesn’t care to eat as often Steven seems to.  Usually most of the gems show up, and just hang out while Pearl cooks something in the kitchen. 

Tonight is no different, although it seems that Amethyst has managed to drag Peridot out of the barn and down to the temple.  Garnet hasn’t come in yet, but Steven says that the fusion will be back soon. 

Amethyst and Peridot are on the sofa, talking about something animatedly.  Lapis watches them for a moment, smiling to herself. 

Lapis considers herself close enough with both of them, and she can tell that they’re both happy. 

From the way she’s gesturing, Peridot looks like she’s talking about one of her mechanics projects, and Amethyst is watching, clearly mystified yet still interested.  The whole thing is cute.  Lapis is rather happy for the both of them.

Suddenly Steven pops up beside her.  “Hey Lapis.” 

“Hi Steven.” Lapis says lightly. 

They both stand there for a moment, watching the pair on the sofa. 

“Lapis?” Steven asks after a moment. 

“Hm?” 

“Do you think Amethyst and Peridot like each other?”

Lapis glances down at him.  “Yeah, course they do.  They hang out all the time.”

Steven frowns.  “Yeah, but like more.  Sort of like-like each other.”

Lapis bites back a laugh. “I dunno Steven.  What makes you say that?”

Steven shrugs.  “They just, I don’t know.  They really like to spend time together, and they’re kind of huggy and stuff.  Do you think they’re dating?”

Lapis arches an eyebrow.  “I…don’t know Steven.  Do- do you mind if they were? You know, dating and stuff.” she asks, trying to not sound too interested.

  Steven’s eyes widen.  “Oh no! I’d be really excited for them! It’s really great for the both of them to have someone special.” he says earnestly. 

Lapis nods, smiling faintly.  They’re silent for another moment.  “Steven?”

“Yeah?” 

“You-you don’t mind about me and Pearl, do you?” she asks hesitantly. 

Steven looks at her, and his eyes are wide with surprise.  “No, I think it’s great that Pearl and you are dating! She made me pancakes this morning and the day before, and she only does that when she’s really happy!” he says grinning.   “Pearl’s been really sad about Mom for so long and I felt really bad for her, but now you’re here. You make her really happy.” he smiled brightly at Lapis, and she can’t help but laugh, her cheeks flushing. 

“Aw.  Well…I really like her too.” Steven grins and Lapis returns it. 

                                                                                                                -:- 

Steven decides to go over and hang out with Amethyst and Peridot, no doubt going to ask them plenty of awkward questions.

Lapis had to bite back a smirk. 

Shaking her head to herself, she slips into the kitchen, where Pearl is working on dinner for Steven, and probably Amethyst.  Unless she decided to eat the tablecloth first. 

Pearl has her back to her, washing something in the sink.  Lapis goes over to her, curious as to what she’s doing. 

“Hey.” she says quietly.  

Pearl glances over.  “Oh, hello.” Pearl gives her a tiny smile. 

They make eye contact for a moment too long, and Lapis can feel her cheeks warming.

She clears her throat.  “What are those?” she asks, gesturing to the sink. 

Pearl’s eyes follow her gaze.  “Oh.  These are carrots. Humans eat them.  They’re supposed to be very good for one’s health.” 

Lapis nods absently.  “They’re very…orange.” 

Pearl laughs lightly.  “Yes, they are that.” 

Pearl glances at Lapis from the corner of her eye.  “Would you like me to show you how to cut one up properly?” 

Lapis grins.  “Sure.” she says easily. 

Pearl nods, smiling.  “Okay, so first you take your knife like this,” she shows Lapis, “then just hold the carrot firm so it doesn’t move, and cut down on it.”

Lapis watches carefully.  “Okay.”

Pearl looks at her curiously.  “Do you want to try?”  Lapis nods.  “Yes.” 

She takes the kitchen knife that Pearl offers, gripping it in the palm of her hand.   Very carefully she cuts it in the way Pearl showed her. 

She is very aware of Pearl’s presence over her shoulder. It is not the hovering that unnerves her, but more the fact that she is discovering that she gets tingles in the bottom of her stomach whenever her girlfriend touches her.  

Slowly she puts the last slice into the carrot thing.  “I-is that right?”

Pearl nods, smiling brightly.  “You did great Lapis.”  

The sun shone in through the window in the kitchen, and it’s warm against Lapis’s skin.  Pearl’s eyes shine in the light. 

Their faces are very close to one another’s. Pearl bites her lip. 

Slowly they lean a bit closer, the carrot now completely forgotten, when suddenly- 

“Pearl! Guess what?” Steven calls out, running into the kitchen.  

They both jerk violently apart, and, in her surprise, Lapis completely fumbles the knife, sending it flying.  Like lighting Pearl manages to catch it, her cheeks now vibrantly flushed. 

Steven is staring wide-eyed at the both of them.  Lapis is sure that they are quite a sight. 

“Uh, what is it Steven?” Pearl asks breathlessly.  Steven blinks.  “Oh. Peridot and Amethyst wanna help with dinner.  Is that alright?”

Amethyst leans into the room on the doorframe, and Lapis notices that she’s smirking quite a bit.  “Yeah.  You two aren’t busy or anything, are you?” 

Lapis glares at her.  “No.”

Pearl bites her lip, and turns back to the rest of the carrots, starting to chop them with a rather violent passion.  Peridot arches an eyebrow.  But Lapis knows that she’s curious despite herself, and it doesn’t surprise her when Peridot goes over to see what she’s doing. 

Lapis frowns at Amethyst.  “So why do you suddenly want to help?” 

Amethyst grins evilly.  “That’s for sending Steven to me and Peridot.” 

Lapis rolls her eyes.  “You are the worst.” she says, but there’s no venom in it. 

Another part of having friends she’s learning. 

Amethyst laughs, before they both join Pearl, Peridot, and Steven over by the counter, where Steven is having a great amount of fun teaching Peridot how to use a carrot peeler. 

Lapis shakes her head to herself, smiling slightly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldn't resist doing a little tiny holiday chapter ;D hope everyone has a happy holidays!


	22. Chapter 22

After dinner, at which Lapis was antsy at the entire time, she slips away to her room to get herself ready for her date with Pearl later that night.

She stands in front of the mirror that hung in her room, eyes staring blankly into the glass.

Steven and Pearl both had offered to remove the mirror, on accounts of her previous imprisonment in one for so long, but she had refused. It wasn’t as though she were afraid of the things.

Besides, a reminder never hurt.

Dark blue eyes stared back at her through a fringe of bangs. Carefully she runs a brush through part of her hair, smoothing the tangles in it.

She sighs, the sound loud in the silent room.

Slowly she brushes the rest of her hair methodically. It wasn’t as though she ever put much thought into her appearance, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to look nice for her date with Pearl.

She smiles to herself. It had been so long since she had had the opportunity to spend her time like this. Doing things simply because they made her happy to do them.

It reminds her of the days long ago, before Earth, before The War.

She finishes brushing her hair, and sets the brush back down onto the dresser. It clacks against the wooden surface.

Her reflection frowns back at her.

Slowly she raises her hand, tucking a lock of hair behind one ear. She remembered when her hair was long enough to brush her shoulder blades. Now it hangs short, curling at the nape of her neck, barely past her ears.

Her appearance has changed in so many ways. Her hair shorter, dress simpler, eyes harder.

She wonders vaguely what she might think of herself, if younger Lapis could see her now. She wonders if she would even like what she saw.

Lapis sighs.

Too many thoughts. Too much living inside the past.

Besides, even though she’s different, she sort of likes the change. The feeling of the breeze against her bare neck.

Slowly, she smiles, and the reflection changes with her. And, for a moment, she feels in control of herself.

                                                                                                                        -:-

Pearl is standing outside on their house’s small porch, and her back is to Lapis. But the night is quiet, and the creaky door causes Pearl to turn to her.

When her eyes land onto her, a bright glowing smile appears on her face. Lapis can’t help but return it, her cheeks warming slightly.

“Y-you look nice.” Pearl says hesitantly.

Lapis smiles a little. “I mean, you always look nice, it’s not that you don’t-“ Lapis laughs.

“I understood Pearl. You look nice too.”

Pearl blushes. “So, what are we doing?” Lapis asks, genuinely curious.

Pearl grins. “I want to show you something. But we’ll have to take the warp pad there. Is that all right?” Lapis shrugs.

“Sure.”

Pearl smiles, and gently grasps Lapis’s hand with hers. Their fingers lace together, and the action is so smooth, Lapis wonders if they hadn’t spent a lifetime doing it.

They both step onto the warp pad, and the glass is cool against Lapis’s feet. There is a sudden brightness, and a feeling of being weightless, and then they’re both gone.

                                                                                                                             -:-

When Lapis’s vision comes back into focus, it’s very dark. Nighttime.

The air is different too. Wetter smelling almost.

A hand squeezes on hers, bringing her back to reality.

Pearl.

Against herself, she smiles. Even now, it’s still hard for her to remember that she’s not alone anymore.

“Where- where are we?” she asks, whispering for no good reason.

“An island. I think humans are calling it Scotland right now.” Pearl answers briskly, stepping off the warp pad, still continuing to hold Lapis’s hand.

“Oh. It’s- very dark. And wet.” Pearl laughs a little at that. “Yes, I suppose that’s true. But it won’t stay this dark for long. And that’s not what I wanted to show you.”

They walk a little ways from the warp pad, through something that seems to be a field covered with grass. It is cool and damp against her bare feet.

Pearl glances over at her, and then carefully takes her hand, lacing their fingers together. Lapis smiles at her, wide and bright. Pearl's expression is slightly difficult to make out in the hazy darkness of night, but she can see the way she smiles back at her.

"So...when can I know what we're doing in such a place?" Lapis asks, smirking a little.

She can't make out Pearl's expression, but she suspects that the other girl is rolling her eyes.

"Not long. We're almost there." Pearl says with an excited lilt in her voice. Now Lapis really is curious, despite herself.

All of a sudden they round the top of a hill, and a familiar building is visible in the dim light.

"It's-it's just like the barn."

Pearl smiles. "Yes, well, the barn is not exactly one of a kind. It's more of a type of building rather than an exact one building."

"Hm." Lapis arches an eyebrow. "So, what are we doing at this barn?"

Pearl rolls her eyes. "You'll see."

They come up to the building, and Pearl slides the door open, the door creaking slightly with age. Lapis carefully steps into the building, and is immediately surprised.

The building is filled with...creatures, of a kind Lapis has never seen before. Pearl is smiling brightly at her, but Lapis is too surprised to say anything. Finally she speaks.

"What are they?" she says, mystified. Pearl laughs slightly.

"They're called horses. Humans have raised them for thousands of years." Pearl pats one of them on the head, smiling at the creature fondly. It makes a soft sound in approval.

Lapis stares. "Why do humans have these...animals?"

Pearl glances up. "Oh, humans raise all kinds of animals for many different reasons. The main is companionship, and usefulness. I've never cared for all of the small animals that they seem to love so much, but horses...they're rather beautiful, don't you think?"

Lapis shrugs. "I suppose."

"Here. Come feel her." Pearl gestures to the horse she is still in front of.

Slightly reluctant, Lapis walks over. Hesitantly, she pats the creature in the way Pearl had a moment before. The horse breathes, and makes another sound like before.

"She likes you." Pearl murmurs over her shoulder.

The horse's eyes stare into Lapis's and she feels a tug at her gut, the same sort of feeling she feels around humans. She's very aware of the heartbeat, pounding through the living creature. Feels the blood rushing through it's veins.

She blinks.

It is all too easy for her to lose herself in the feeling of other creature's life.

"I still want to show you something." Lapis swallows, her throat suddenly dry.

"What is it?"

Pearl grins. A slightly mischievous glint in her eyes, Pearl goes over to the door of the horse's compartment-thing and the next thing Lapis knows, she's opening the door and leading the creature out of the barn, gesturing for Lapis to follow her.

They step outside, the first rays of sunlight starting to brush over the grassy hillside. Pearl rubs the horse's neck, murmuring something to the creature softly.

"Pearl, I'm completely lost right now." Lapis says finally.

Pearl smiles. "Remember, I said humans had many uses for all their animals? Their main one for these was transportation." She waits for Lapis to get it.

"They rode those things?" she asks incredulously.

Pearl smiles brightly. Lapis stares up at the creature, only now realizing just how tall it actually is.

The horse snorts.

She glances over at Pearl a bit incredulously. " _We're_ not riding it, are we?"

Pearl smiles brightly. "Of course! It's quite easy once you get the hang of it."

Lapis swallows. "And what about before you get the hang of it?" Pearl grins.

"Don't worry. I'll help you."

Lapis sighs.  "All right. But if that thing throws me off-"

Pearl shook her head. "It won't. You wouldn't throw Lapis, would you?" The last part is directed towards the horse, who eyes Lapis and snorts again.

Lapis frowns. If it were any other person asking her to do this there would be no chance. But Pearl looks so excited and happy, and it's infectious.

Damn it, why did her girlfriend have to be so damn cute? And because of that now she had just agreed to get on the back of a snorting Earth creature.

Good grief.

She eyes the animal hesitantly. "So... how exactly do I...get on it?"

Pearl glances between Lapis and the horse, and suddenly seems to realize how tall the horse is compared to Lapis, the horse's torso almost at her shoulder height.

"Hmm..."

Suddenly Pearl's eyes brighten with an idea, and all of a sudden, before she realizes what's happening, Pearl lifts her around her waist, hoisting her onto the horse's back.

Lapis gasps, a little breathless from the sudden shock of landing onto an animal's back. She is far higher than she expected to be, and a wave of dizziness flashes over her. She can feel the animal positively vibrating with life beneath her, and she quickly grips onto the creature's mane to stop herself from slipping off.

"Uh...Pearl?" she says shakily.

Suddenly she feels Pearl pressing into her back, seated firmly behind her on the horse's torso.

"You're doing fine." Pearl says.

"I'm not doing anything." Lapis answers, her voice still wavering slightly.

Pearl shifts behind her, murmuring something to the horse. "Now, you'll need to hold onto her mane, yes like that, so as to not slip off."

Lapis swallows, doing as Pearl says. Pearl murmurs something else to the horse, and then the horse's breathing quickens underneath both of them.

Lapis knows what is about to happen before it does, but as the horse takes off in a gallop, she feels as though the useless heart in her chest has stopped beating.

She knots her hands into the creature's mane, holding on for dear life.

She can feel Pearl pressed into her back, and the feeling helps calm her rushing nerves. Pearl's hands slip around her waist to hold both Lapis and herself steady. Her mind calms enough for her to open her eyes and what she sees is amazing.

The countryside which they had previous passed through in darkness is now lit with the rising sun, casting beautiful light across the grass-covered hills. The sky is wide and huge, painted with brilliant pinks and oranges.

She is struck by the beauty of it all.

Pearl's breath ghosts against her neck. She glances back at the gem behind her.

"It's beautiful." she murmurs softly, eyes focused back on the sky.

For a second she wonders if Pearl heard her, but then she sees her smile. Her hair is filled with reflections of the sky's colors, and Lapis wonders if she could be any more radiant than she is now.

The horse snorts again, and Lapis laughs softly. They race on across the hillside.

                                                                                                                                -:-

After a while they stop, to let the horse rest and to catch their breath themselves.

Pearl helps her off the horse, gently setting Lapis back on her feet. The grass, despite the rising sun, is still covered in a faint layer of dew.

It's wet against Lapis's feet.

They sit down at the edge of a cliff, the ocean crashing against rocks far below. The ocean stretches outwards in front of them.

Lapis can feel every movement of the water below in her gut. The water is like a muscle at rest for her: and the instant she wishes to flex it she can.

She folds her legs underneath herself, and wraps her arm through Pearl's. Pearl smiles and scoots a tiny bit closer.

The wind gusts and it's a tiny bit cold. Lapis leans into Pearl's side, and Pearl wraps her arm around Lapis's shoulders.

Lapis grins to herself. Pearl notices, glancing down at her.

"What?"

Lapis laughs softly. "Just thinking. The universe is funny." Pearl looks at her curiously.

"What do you mean?"

Lapis shrugs slightly. "It's just that...when I first came here we didn't like each other at all. I hated you so much." she smiles wryly.

Pearl blinks. "Really?"

"Yeah. I thought you were so cocky and self-important." Lapis sighs, letting her head fall against Pearl's shoulder with a grin. "I don't think that now though."

Pearl turns to her, her eyes wide. "What...what changed your mind?" Pearl asks softly, blue eyes focused onto Lapis's.

Lapis bites her lip, trying to decide how to answer. Finally she sighs.

"You were so kind. Even when I was being nasty...you were still nice to me."

Pearl blinks. "Why...wouldn't I be nice to you?"

Lapis laughs softly. "Because that's not what people do, Pearl. I wanted to hate you so much. But you always did something so sweet, and it would ruin all my plans to hate you."

Lapis smirks, taking Pearl's hand in her own. "It also didn't help that you were incredibly beautiful the whole time."

Pearl looks away at that, flushing practically to her shoulders. Lapis is desperate to kiss her, but she also wants to continue with their conversation.

"What about you?" she asks suddenly, and there is a slight waver in her voice. Pearl glances up.

"What?"

Lapis bites her lip. "Why were you so nice to me? Why did you not hate me for everything I did?"

Pearl's eyes widen, and fall to the grass all around them. "I-uh-I just..."

Lapis stares at her. "Really. I wanna know."

Pearl suddenly looks up. "You were so...sad. When you first came here. You just seemed so broken hearted. But sometimes...you did smile. And it was so amazing...seeing you happy like that. I...I wanted to make you happy like that."

Pearl's cheeks flush impossibly bluer and she's watching Lapis carefully, waiting to see what her reaction will be.

For a moment, Lapis is just frozen, eyes wide. Then she's rushing forward, pulling Pearl tight against her. She's vaguely aware of Pearl's gasp as she presses their lips together in a searing kiss, but her mind can't process the action properly.

Pearl is surprised for an instant, but then she's kissing Lapis back just as eagerly.

Pearl buries a hand in her hair, and Lapis gasps, wrapping her arms around Pearl's slender waist, pulling her impossibly closer, practically flush against her chest. In all the motion they topple over one another in the grass.

Lapis’s back is against the cool grass, and she can vaguely feel the wetness of the dew pressing into her gem. She sighs, and let her hands trace along the rims of Pearl’s shoulders.

Pearl kisses her even harder and Lapis sighs at the action.

Lapis isn't sure how long they stay there, bodies tightly intertwined with one another. Finally she manages to pull herself away, pressing her lips against Pearl's one last time.

Pearl's eyes flutter open, and after a moment they focus onto Lapis. She lets out a fluttery breath. "Oh...my."

Lapis simply laughs, and presses a kiss against the area just below her gem. The wind flutters softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much fluff *-*


	23. Chapter 23

Lapis stifled a yawn, and let her head fall against the shoulder of the girl who was currently pressed into her torso. 

Steven shifted in his position on the floor beside her, yawning as well. 

Pearl glanced over at the two.  “I think both of you need sleep.” 

Steven frowned. “But Pearl, we’re in the middle of the movie! We can’t just stop it now!”  Lapis nodded, smiling at the boy. 

“Yeah. That’s true Pearl.” she said in agreement, wrapping her arm around Pearl’s torso, her eyes falling shut. 

Pearl rolls her eyes.  “No. You both are about to fall asleep.  And I refuse to carry you both to bed.” 

Steven pouts.  “But _Pearl._ ” 

Pearl shakes her head, smiling at his antics. “Oh no.  We’re going to bed.” 

Lapis lifts her head from Pearl’s chest, and pats Steven’s head.  “I don’t think there’s any arguing with her, kid.” 

Steven sighs.  “All right.”

They get up from their small circle, all moving rather slowly, from being so relaxed.  Pearl puts Steven to bed, and then after a hesitant shared glance between them, Pearl follows Lapis to her room.

Pearl closes the door behind them not a second to soon. Lapis, with her hands at Pearl’s shoulders, pulls her into a breathless kiss. 

Pearl wraps her arms around Lapis’s torso, tugging Lapis onto her toes.  She pulls back with a gasp, and a bright smile spreading across her face.  With a laugh she wraps her arms around Pearl’s neck. 

“You are so tall.” she says with a smirk. 

And she’s right, to kiss Pearl she has to perch on her toes.  Lapis sort of likes the feeling. 

Pearl laughed slightly. 

“Hm.” she says carefully. 

Lapis grins at her for a moment, trying to say something with her eyes. Pearl kisses her again, burying her hands in Lapis’s hair, causing the blue skinned gem to groan softly. 

She feels Pearl bite against her lip, gently asking for entrance. Lapis grins and complies, and they both gasp as the kiss deepens.  Pearl’s tongue glides against her in a sort of swirling dance, and Lapis bites down a whimper. 

Damn, Pearl is good at this.  But Lapis can’t just simply _let_ Pearl beat her.

She pulls back with a devious smirk on her lips. 

Pearl’s eyes flutter open, and a tiny frown is forming at the lack of Lapis’s kissing. 

“What?” she asks softly. 

Lapis shakes her head.  “Uh uh.”

With a glint in her eyes that she knows Pearl can see, she tugs them both over to the bed pushed against her wall.  Suddenly she flops back against the mattress, bringing Pearl down on top of her. 

She lets out a squeak of surprise, causing Lapis to giggle. Lapis lays flat on her back, gem pressing into the soft quilt on the mattress. 

Pearl blinks, shifting, trying to get her balance back.  Once she realizes their position, her cheeks turn a brilliant teal.  Lapis stares up at her flushed cheeks. 

Pearl is, for lack of a better word, stratling her waist. Her thighs are brushing Lapis’s hips, and the closeness and lack of space makes Lapis blush as deep as the gem on top of her.  But she finds that she likes the feeling of Pearl touching her. 

She stares up at the pale gem pressed against her, blue eyes wide. Pearl stares back at her through her eyelashes.

The gem on her forehead casts glints of pale light all around the room.  Suddenly Lapis’s breath catches in her throat. 

Stars…Pearl is probably one of the loveliest gems she’s ever seen.  In the soft light of the bedroom, with the only source of light being from the moon outside, it is shining in Pearl’s big blue eyes.  Her hair curls perfectly around her cheeks, and it shines with its own light.  Even though her normally perfectly pale white skin is tainted with blue flush on her cheeks and even down to her shoulders, it only makes her look more stunning. 

Lapis swallows, suddenly overwhelmed at the intense feeling of love for the gem above her. 

“Pearl…I-I…” she stops, her voice trembling. 

Pearl smiles softly, a hand reaching to cup her cheek softly.  “I know. I love you too.”

Lapis stares at her, and quickly she blinks rapidly, because good grief, she can’t cry over this. 

Pearl smiles vaguely, then leans forward, melding her lips with Lapis’s.  It is a kiss that is filled with such passion and love Lapis almost wants to cry from the sheer emotion in it.

She sighs softly, letting her head fall back completely into the pillows, Pearl pressed on top of her. 

Her fingers bury themselves in Pearl’s soft hair, pulling the girl even closer towards her. Pearl’s hands run along her shoulders, and trace gently down her sides. 

Their tongues swirl together in such a way that makes Lapis want to laugh and cry at the same time.  After another several kisses against Lapis’s very eager mouth Pearl moves, peppering kisses along her neck and collarbone.  

At a slight nip at the curve of her neck, one that is likely to leave a mark later, Lapis can't help but moan rather loudly.  Pearl immediately pulls away to look at her. 

Her eyes are wide and worried.  Worried that she’s taken a misstep. 

Lapis resists the urge to roll her eyes.  She has no idea how wrong she is. 

“Pearl…” she says softly, taking one of Pearl’s hands. 

“Lapis…is this okay? I don’t want-“

“Pearl.” she murmurs, a hint of annoyance in her tone.  “I love how careful you’re trying to be with me, but if you don’t start kissing me again I think I’ll scream.” 

Pearl stares at her for a moment, and Lapis can almost see the movements in her mind.  Finally a smile curls at her girlfriend’s lips and Lapis grins. 

“Come here.” Lapis says, and Pearl readily complies this time. 

They go straight to the deep kiss this time, taking no time to build up like they normally did when they kissed. Pearl’s arms wrap tightly around Lapis’s waist, holding her close to her chest. 

Another gasp escapes Lapis’s lips, but Pearl kisses it away. 

Lapis wraps a leg around Pearl’s, wanting to be flush against her body in every way.  Carefully Pearl shifts so that she is now crouched over Lapis, and she slowly runs her eyes across her body, and it makes Lapis feel so hot within her own skin. 

She stares up at the lovely gem, her eyelashes fluttering slightly. 

“Pearl….” she murmurs softly, her eyes falling to the gem’s lips.

Pearl smiles faintly. 

“Yes Lapis. I know.” she says softly, pressing a kiss to Lapis’s lips that leaves her spinning.   Gripping Lapis’s shoulders gently with her hands, Pearl moves down her neck, sucking gently at the skin there. 

Lapis groans softly.  Her girlfriend is apparently very good at reading her reactions, and it is driving her mad. 

Pearl glances up at Lapis’s expression, then, very slowly, she presses a kiss at the exact point where her top v’ees.  Her top is so low cut it’s practically between her small breasts. 

Lapis gasps at that, a tiny bit surprised at Pearl’s growing daringness.  Slowly Pearl tugs the thin straps of her top to the side a bit, kissing the pale blue skin beneath the layer of fabric.  Her hands wander to the ribbons that hold her top in its place. 

Pearl fingers them hesitantly. 

“Pearl.” she murmurs, wanting her just to touch her already.  Pearl smiles shyly, her eyes meeting Lapis’s. 

In an instant Pearl is melding her lips with her own, and Lapis looses her train of thought completely.

Suddenly a wave of heat rushes through her body, radiating from her back.  Or, more accurately, the gem imbedded within her back. 

There is a brightness shining through Lapis’s eyelids, so bright that she cannot ignore it.  But the tug in her gut, the one that is driving her to be close to Pearl, as close as she can be, or closer even; it is over powering, and she can’t ignore it.  

A wave of energy washes over her, and knows Pearl feels it too. 

Suddenly Pearl jerks away. 

Lapis gasps, her eyes fluttering open. Her eyes widen, because the pearl that is embedded within the other gem’s forehead is glowing as bright as the sun, casting light all around the room. 

She winces, the heat in her back growing.   

She sits up, and discovers that her gem is glowing with the same bright heat as Pearl’s. 

Pearl has moved to the end of the bed, perched upon her knees.   She’s trembling, looking as though she’s about to cry.  

Lapis wants to tell her that everything is fine, that she’s not upset, but she can’t find the words.  Her whole body feels as though it’s shaking. 

They sit there, both afraid to move until the glow fades. 

After a moment, it does, and they both sigh breathlessly.  Pearl glances up, her eyes meeting Lapis’s. 

They’re watery, and Lapis hates it. 

“L-Lapis…I am so sorry.  I d-didn’t think- I mean I-“  

“Pearl.”  Lapis says quietly. 

Slowly she crawls to the end of the bed where Pearl is perched.  She takes Pearl’s hand in her own, and squeezes it gently. 

“I’m not mad Pearl.  Just…surprised…that’s all.” she says gently. 

Pearl stares and her for a moment, then nods shakily.  Lapis bites her lip. 

“Hey.  Do you think we could just lay here for a little while?  I-I want you to be close.”  Lapis asks shyly, her cheeks flushing yellow. 

Pearl looks at her, baffled.  “You don’t want me to leave?” she says, surprised. 

Lapis quickly shakes her head. 

“No. Please…I want you close.” Lapis says in a tiny voice. 

Pearl still looks surprised, but she moves closer to Lapis, hesitantly wrapping her thin arms around Lapis’s torso.  Carefully they both lay back, limbs intertwining with each other’s. 

Lapis sighs, burying her face in Pearl’s chest.  Heavily she breathes in and out, trying to calm the dizzy feeling in her stomach. 

Slowly her eyes grow heavy, and they fall shut. 

                                                                                                                 -:-

When Lapis opens her eyes it takes a moment for her vision to refocus.

She shifts slightly, suddenly realizing that Pearl’s arms are wrapped tightly around her body.  Pearl’s head is pressed into Lapis’s hair, and by the gentle rise and fall of her chest she can tell that the other gem is very fast asleep. 

The room has a gentle silence to it, and Lapis tries to remain still, not wanting to disturb the feeling. 

She sighs softly, burying her face into Pearl’s chest.  Pearl smells vaguely of roses. The scent makes Lapis feel relaxed, and at peace. 

When they’re like this, relaxed and pressed so close, Lapis feels as though she could just melt into Pearl’s arms. 

Suddenly her eyes snap open. 

The last night’s events come rushing back to her.  Pearl’s kisses, the way their gems glowed, so hot and bright.

Of how they had come so very very close to fusing. 

Lapis bites her lip.  They had almost melted into one being. 

And Lapis…almost regretted that they had not. 

Her head hurt.  She had fused. 

That was something that she had promised herself that she would never do again. 

She would never fuse with anyone again. 

After what had happened, with Jasper, with Malachite, it was a risk that she could never take. 

But…

She exhales, staring down at the sleeping girl in her arms. 

Pearl’s cheek is pressed into the pillow, her short hair sticking up in funny angles. Her face is smooth and innocent.  Lapis watches her with gentle eyes. 

Pearl was not Jasper.  She actually cared for Lapis.  Pearl would never want her to do something she was not comfortable with. 

She makes a soft noise in the back of her throat, and her grip on Lapis tightens.

Lapis’s heart melts for her. 

Slowly she shifts, brushing a hand gently through Pearl’s soft hair.  Pearl stirs, her eyes fluttering open after a moment. 

Lapis watches her silently. 

After a second Pearl’s eyes adjust, and they focus onto Lapis.

“Hey.” she says softly. 

Pearl blushes. “Lapis…what…” she mumbles. 

Suddenly her eyes shoot open. A hand covers her mouth, and her eyes are filling with tears. 

“Last night…oh no.  I-I am so sorry Lapis- I didn’t mean-“ 

Lapis shakes her head, a tiny smile on her lips. Slowly she scoots across the bed, leaning into Pearl. 

“It’s fine Pearl.  I’m not mad.  That was just- unexpected.” she says gently, squeezing her hand. 

Pearl stares at her for a moment, before a heavy sigh escapes her lips. 

“I didn’t mean for-us…to go that far. I just…” she groans, burying her face in her hands. 

Lapis rubs her hand along her back in a way that she hopes is comforting.  “It- it wasn’t bad. Just…”

Pearl removes her hands from her face to look at Lapis.  “Just- it’s too soon.  After-“

Lapis quickly nods. 

“Yes.  Of course, after everything, that- it’s out of the question.”  she laughs nervously. 

Pearl nods, too briskly.

“Yes. Definitely.” 

They sit, silent. 

Lapis isn’t sure what she’s supposed to say now.  So she just leans over and kisses her girlfriend gently. 

Pearl sighs, leaning closer, and Lapis tries to ignore the growing sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was fun to write ^-^


	24. Chapter 24

Lapis isn’t quite sure what to do with herself.

There is an uncomfortable feeling inside her stomach, and she doesn’t understand what to do about it. So she just paces around.

She walks up and down the beach, and around the small town filled with humans. She wanders up to the barn, and talks with Peridot for a little while, but then the feeling comes back and she leaves to keep wandering.

It almost feels as though she’s looking for something, but what, she has no idea.

No, that is a lie.

She knows exactly what she’s looking for, but she is currently back at the temple, puttering around the house, cooking or cleaning or something, probably humming some little tune under her breath.

Lapis’s heart wrenches painfully. And it is truly painful.

But she just swallows, and keeps walking.

                                                                                                                                            -:-

  
Finally she ends up back at the beach, and back at the temple. Lapis scowls up at the enormous stone goddess carved into the cliffside.

_Why does it always just sit there? Ugh._

Fortunately for her sanity, the statue does not answer.

The waves wash gently over her ankles and she turns to the water, away from the offending temple. She lets out a heavy sigh, and sits down onto the sand with a tired plop. Perhaps she should have flown instead, for her feet’s sake.

Lapis is lost in her mind, staring out into the ocean’s churning waters, when someone sits down beside her.

She sighs again.

“Hello Garnet.”

The fusion doesn’t answer, only smiles slightly. They sit in silence for a moment.

“Something’s wrong.” Garnet says softly, her low voice blending with the rhythm of the waves.

Lapis shrugs. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But you should.”

Lapis frowns. The wind blows gentle, warm, summer air across the beach, and it ruffles her hair. A voice in her head is telling her to talk, and even though she doesn’t want or mean to, she finds herself beginning to speak.

“Pearl and I almost fused last night.” she says, her voice quiet.

Garnet doesn’t respond, just continues to stare out at the ocean. Or, at least Lapis assumes that she’s watching the ocean, she still can’t see Garnet’s eyes.

Finally, after Lapis is starting to think Garnet isn’t going to answer her at all, the fusion speaks.

“What stopped both of you from fusing?”

Lapis rubs her hands together. It’s a nervous habit she’s found that she unintentionally picked up from somewhere or another. “I-I-we just thought that it wasn’t such a good idea at the time…it just happened by accident.”

She blushes at the memories of the night before. Garnet smirks suddenly.

“You were about to have sex, weren’t you.”

Lapis is sure that she is flushed bright yellow by now.

“Uh…sort of.”

A small smirk plays at the corners of Garnet’s mouth.

“Hm.”

Lapis’s hands clench in her skirts. “I-I just don’t understand. Pearl and I have…kissed before. But that-that’s never happened. Or _almost_ happened, I suppose.” Lapis bites her lip, realizing that she’s rambling.

But Garnet seems unaffected by her stumbling mess of words, calmly listening.

Lapis swallows, her throat tight. A few paces away the waves hit the sand rhythmically, and the sound is something of a comfort. She runs her fingers along her arm, tracing the shimmering flecks of gold that are scattered across her skin.

“What’s wrong?” Garnet asks softly.

Lapis glances over at her, eyes wide.

“Nothing.”

“You wouldn’t have come out here so upset if nothing were wrong.”

Lapis huffs.

“I just-The whole entire thing made me feel bad.”

Garnet nods. “Why?”

A frown of frustration appears on her face. “I don’t know. It’s just- I _wanted_ to fuse with her.”

As soon as the words fall from her mouth a sick feeling escapes from her body. She is a little shocked with herself.

She wanted to fuse with Pearl. That's what was wrong.

Garnet smiles at her gently.

“Why doesn’t that make you happy?” Garnet asks her quietly.

Lapis hangs her head, hands gripping the sand. Her head is pounding, but she knows that she has to answer the other gem. Slowly she speaks.

“I was a monster. Garnet…I was a monster.”

Her voice cracks slightly. Tears leak out of her eyes and before she realizes what is happening, she’s sobbing. Garnet tugs her into her arms, pulling her against her chest. Her hands that contain her glimmering gems, the ruby and sapphire that are the cores of her being, press against her back and shoulders.

Lapis vaguely notices one is hot with warmth, and the other is chilled with cold.

The tears are hot and embarrassing against her cheeks, but she still can’t stop crying.

“I was so bad. Malachite was so bad. She was like swallowing acid. It was Jasper but it was also me. I was poison.” She exhales shakily.

“What if I hurt Pearl? What if we fuse and I hurt her? I could. I could hurt her, I could break her. I shouldn’t want this.” she says, wiping at her eyes.

She shouldn’t. Lapis shouldn’t even be able to consider risking Pearl. She loves her too much.

But that feeling, of being able to simply fall into her, to become one, won’t stop tugging on her gut. It won’t leave her mind.

Garnet wipes a stray remaining tear away from her cheek.

“Lapis.”

She hesitates, but then looks up at the powerful fusion.

“Lapis. What you had with Jasper…it is not what you have with Pearl. Malachite was a manifestation of your relationship. Of your anger and hate for one another. But fusing with Pearl will be very different.”

Lapis’s hands are still shaking, no matter how hard she tries to stop them from doing so.

“But what if I hurt her?” she asks softly.

Garnet smiles at her. “You are not going to. Lapis…you _love_ her. I know that you would never hurt her, even if you’re unsure of it yourself.”

Her words hit Lapis hard, and she is unsure what she is supposed to say.

“What do I do now?”

Garnet’s hand moves to rest on her shoulder. “You need to think about this yourself. Decide if this is something that you’re ready for. And then you need to talk to Pearl. Tell her everything. All of it, even the parts that are uncomfortable.”

She squeezes Lapis shoulder gently. Lapis smiles gratefully.

“Thank you.”

                                                                                                                               -:-

  
After talking with Garnet, Lapis wanders down the beach by herself.

The sand is warm against her bare feet, and she walks close enough to the shoreline that the waves can brush up against her ankles. Thoughts swirl inside her head, and she can’t seem to sort them all out.

She thinks hard about what Garnet said to her.

She knows that she loves Pearl. That isn’t even a question anymore.

But it doesn’t change the fact that she is still hesitant to…show _everything_ to Pearl.

To share her soul with her.

And it isn’t the intimacy that comes with fusion that makes her uncomfortable. She just can’t stop thinking that Pearl will see her, and think her a monster.

Jasper saw what she really was.

She _knew_.

But Pearl didn’t. She didn’t know what Lapis was capable of.

Even if she thought she could trust Lapis, she didn’t have any idea.

Lapis wrapped her arms around herself tightly. Lapis knew that she shouldn’t fuse with Pearl.

She simply didn’t deserve it. Deserve her.

But the memory, the pure feeling of the previous night clings to her, and she can’t seem to make herself let it go.

Pearl’s soft loving touch. The feeling of simply letting go of the constant battle for control and just falling into Pearl’s arms.

She wanted that. More than anything she wanted that.

Lapis sighs sadly.

Now she didn’t know what to do.

Her head hurts, and her mind is torn. Torn between doing the thing that is right, or doing what she desperately wants to do with every part of her being.

The wind blows hard, making her skirt flutter against her legs. Her head pounds. And the one person that she wants to talk about this the most with, she can’t.

But Garnet said that she had to tell her.

Lapis clenched her hands. She had to talk to Pearl.

The thing that made her worried about telling Pearl, was that she knew Pearl wouldn’t believe Lapis.

Pearl wouldn’t understand that she was a monster. That she was a force, and one that wasn’t to be trusted with someone’s soul. Just ask Jasper.

She sighed heavily, staring out into the churning pool of liquid that was Earth’s ocean.

Why everything had to be this way…she didn’t understand. Why couldn’t it be simple?

Her fingers clenched into tight little balls.

Because of her.

She was the one who couldn’t keep anything together for a single second. Lapis was the disaster in this scenario.

She hugged her arms around herself.

This indecisiveness, this mental confusion, was driving her mad. She hated it.

Finally, making up her mind about something, she formed her wings in a small flash from the gem between her shoulder blades. With a slight push off from the ground, she flew upwards, leaving the sands of the beach far below.

                                                                                                                                -:-

  
A short time later her feet landed on the ground once more, into soft grass. The barn stood before her.

There were noises coming from inside, two people saying something, and then a fair amount of giggling.

Lapis arched an eyebrow, before going towards the building.

She knocked once on the door frame, before she poked her head inside.

It was sort of dark inside, and it took her eyes a moment to adjust from coming from the bright light outside. When they finally did, she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. The two people were Amethyst and Peridot, both sitting on the sofa and furiously flushed in the face.

Lapis guessed that it had something to do with the fact that Amethyst was currently only wearing a sports bra and one entire strap of Peridot’s uniform was dropping sideways off her shoulder. They both stare at Lapis, wide-eyed, and she stares back at them.

No one says anything for a long moment. Lapis clears her throat.

“I should probably just-“ she gestures to the door.

Peridot shakes her head wildly, snapping out of her daze. “Oh, no, no. It’s fine, we-ah, we weren’t doing…anything.”

Behind her Amethyst rolls her eyes. Lapis eyes Peridot’s shoulder strap.

“I can see that.”

Peridot follows her eyes, glancing down at it. Immediately she blushes.

“I-ah-that’s just…”

Lapis smiles dryly. “Peridot. I don’t care. I just wanted to ask you something, but if you’re busy, it can wait.” Peridot shakes her head quickly. “No, _no._ Not busy _at all_. What do you need?” she stares up at Lapis, wide-eyed.

Lapis’s hands twist together, and now _she_ wants to blush. “I was just wondering, are you going to be around here tonight?”

Peridot frowns. “I-ah. Why?”

Lapis bites her lip. “I just wanted to know if me and-ah…Pearl could come up here.”

Being them both, Amethyst smirks. “Good place for it, isn’t it?”

Both Peridot and Lapis blush brightly.

“Amethyst!” Peridot hisses. Amethyst crosses her arms.

Lapis sighs, looking back towards Peridot. “So?”

The green gem shakes her head again. “No. I’m not-ah, going to be here.”

Lapis smiles. “So we can come up here?”

Peridot shrugs. “Sure. Don’t care.”

Lapis smiles brightly. “Thanks Peridot.” She glances back at the two gems. “I’ll, ah, leave you to it.”

She steps out, and Peridot shuts the door rather quickly. Lapis smiles to herself, before she flies away, back to the temple.

                                                                                                                               -:-

Lapis tugs on Pearl’s hand impatiently.

“ _Pearl_. Hurry up.” she whines. Pearl rolls her eyes.

“I’m coming. You’re just in a very big hurry.”

Lapis smiles nervously. “Sorry.” she murmurs, and makes an effort to slow her pace. She stops, lacing her arm through Pearl’s thin one. “I’m just…excited.” she says quietly.

Pearl nods, looking at Lapis with a wide smile. “Yes. I’m also eager to see this movie that you’ve found so fascinating.”

Lapis laughs at her formal words that somehow manage to come off as adorable, rather than pretentious. She stops walking, Pearl casting a surprised glance in her direction.

“What are we doing? I thought you were in a huge hurry-“

She is abruptly silenced by Lapis’s lips.

They kiss for a nice moment, and then Lapis pulls away, smiling brightly. A dopey look appears on Pearl’s face, and it makes Lapis grin.

“Come on.” she whispers to Pearl. Then she grasps Pearl’s hand once more and drags her the rest of the way to the barn.

                                                                                                                        -:-

  
Inside they’ve set up a nice area. Peridot has fixed up a television set that she got from somewhere, and Lapis puts in the dvd how Steven has shown her. Quite…simple.

Lapis sits back down, shoulder pressed against Pearl’s own shoulder, as the screen brightens.

The movie isn’t an all together terrible one, and the female lead is actually pretty, despite being human and not- well, Pearl.

Singing is turning out to be quite common throughout the movie, and Pearl enjoys it, no matter what she pretends otherwise. Lapis, despite the pretty colors and the male and female lead falling in love and singing a honestly ridiculous amount, finds it hard to concentrate.

Her stomach is in knots. She cannot decide if she actually wants to talk to Pearl or not after the movie finishes.

Lapis had thought that she did, but that was earlier, when the reality of it didn’t seem so…real.

She glances carefully at the gem beside her, who is currently very engrossed in the movie. Apparently she likes it.

Lapis feels a wry smile curl at her lips. She meant so much to her.

What if Lapis ruined that?

What if they fused and it was horrible? Pearl would see how nasty and cruel she really was, and then she’d never want to be around Pearl again.

She was suddenly snapped out of her thoughts by a small whisper from Pearl.  Lapis blinks.

“What?”

Pearl smiles. “I said, are you listening?”

Lapis smiles weakly. “Oops.” she says in a small voice.

Pearl’s brow furrows. “Are you all right?”

Lapis quickly nods.

“Yes, yes. Of course.”

Pearl’s eyes are still a bit doubtful, but she lets it go. “All right.”

They turn back to the movie, but Pearl wraps an arm around her shoulder with a gentle hesitance. Lapis sighs softly, and snuggles closer.

She doesn’t know what to do. She presses her cheek against Pearl’s chest and tries to forget her worries for at least a moment or two.

                                                                                                                                  -:-

  
Finally the movie finishes, and Lapis feels even worse, because of course both the leads _didn’t_ end up together. The one time that she was actually hoping for some form of happy ending, they let her down.

Pearl sighs, stretching slightly. Lapis stays at her chest, feeling clingy.

The pink-haired gem glances down at her and gently runs a thin hand through her short bob of a haircut.

“I feel as though there is something that’s wrong.” she says softly. Lapis shook her head, forcing a smile.

“No, Pearl, there’s nothing.” The lie twists in her gut.

Pearl frowns, sort of sad. “There _is_ something. I don’t want to pry, but Lapis, you just seem…sad. I just want to help.” she murmurs softly.

Lapis stares up at her before the effort becomes too great, and she looks away. She pushes Pearl away and pulls herself from her arms, scooting to the end of the sofa.

“If I tell you…I’m not sure if you’ll like me anymore.” she says in a tiny voice.

Pearl instantly frowns.

“No. Of course not.” She leans down, squeezing Lapis’s hand gently. “Lapis…I love you. Nothing’s going to change that. I promise.”

Their eyes are pouring into one another’s, and Lapis wants to cry.

“Lapis…” Pearl whispers coaxingly, rubbing her thumb against the soft inside of Lapis’s wrist. Lapis hangs her head. Blue hair hangs down, hiding her face.

“I want to fuse with you.” she says, voice barely more than a whisper.

Pearl’s mouth falls open. Her eyes are wide, probably with horror. Lapis dares a glance upward. Pearl still has the same shocked look on her face.

Tears water at the corners of her eyes. “I-I’m so sorry-“

She suddenly silenced. Her mind takes a full half a second to catch up and register what’s happening. Pearl is kissing her, hard and biting. Her hands cup her face gingerly. Lapis gasps against her mouth before her mind goes to putty and she loses all her thoughts entirely.

Her arms wrap around Pearl’s torso, gripping at her shirt, her hair, whatever. Their lips and tongues crash together in a passionate dance and Lapis is sure that kissing Pearl is her favorite thing in the whole universe. They continue to kiss deeply for another bit, and Lapis again winds up on her back, gem pressed into the disgusting fabric of the decaying sofa.

Finally Pearl pulls away, but not far. Her nose brushes Lapis’s. There is a wide, bright smile on her face, and her eyes, her bright eyes, are focused on nothing but Lapis.

Lapis is certain that her cheeks are now hopelessly flushed, but she doesn’t care. Her hands are wrapped tightly around Pearl’s neck as she smiles down at her.

“I-I thought it would upset you.” Lapis mumbles breathlessly. Pearl stares at her, before laughing brightly.

“Oh no, darling, of course not. I’m-I’m so relieved-I’m sorry. I thought that you were still upset about us almost fusing last night.”

Lapis shakes her head. “I never was. I just- I was disappointed that we didn’t.” she admits shyly.

Pearl beams, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose, making Lapis giggle.

“Oh, this is so exciting, I’ve thought about fusing with you for so long, but of course I didn’t want to bring it up, didn’t want to pressure you, after everything. But I’ve wanted to.” she says in a happy rush, letting her hand rest comfortably at Lapis’s hip.

Lapis smiles. “Me too.”

Pearl’s brows suddenly furrow. “But are you certain that you’re sure darling? I don’t want to rush you if you’re not completely ready.”

Lapis smiles gently, running a careful hand through her soft short hair. “I’m ready.” she says softly, and Pearl’s face relaxes.

“All right. But I think it would be a smart precaution to go outside the barn. Since we don’t know how big we’ll be.” Lapis nods. Quickly Pearl helps her up, and they both stand. Pearl’s hand stays laced with her own.

They’re both filled with a nervous, giddy energy and it is all consuming.

Outside night has fallen, and the darkened sky is filled with millions of tiny stars. One of them is home.

Pearl’s hand squeezes her own, and she returns the motion.

“I’ve seen you dance.” Pearl says, breaking the silence. “Both of our styles are similar, so I think that we might be able to easily combine them together. Do you want to practice, just try it out a time or two, or do you just want to go for it?”

Lapis shakes her head.

“Let’s just try it.”

Her voice is trembling with slight excitement. Pearl is excited too, she can see it in the way she holds herself, the way her shoulders arch back and she seems to move even more gracefully than normal.

They move to the wide grassy place in front of the barn, the stars and moon gleaming above. They turn to face one another, Pearl giving her a small half bow before offering her hand to Lapis.

Lapis smiles, and gently takes the hand that Pearl has offered. They move together, her hand moving to rest on Pearl’s shoulder, and Pearl’s to carefully cradle the small of her back.

Their feet begin to move, Pearl sort of leading and sort of not. They move into a faster step, Lapis paying less and less attention to what her feet are doing and more to the feeling of Pearl’s chest against her own.

The dance changes, still picking up speed, and Pearl twirls her, her skirt swirling out around her legs.

Then all of a sudden their gems glow bright, so bright, and Pearl pulls her back into her arms, and it is the moment that they will fuse; Lapis can feel it in her gut.

A breath escapes her lips, and she feels herself falling into Pearl’s arms as-

Lapis gasps.

Nothing happened.

Her gem is still glowing bright, and so is Pearl’s, but they are not one. Pearl’s arms are wrapped around her waist, and they are pressed torso to torso, but they have not fused.

A wave of confusion crashes over her. Her head hurts. Pearl opens her eyes, and she seems just as surprised as Lapis.

“W-what happened?” Lapis says a little desperately. Pearl blinks.

“I-I don’t know. Maybe we should try again, perhaps something we did was wrong-“

“It wasn’t wrong!” Lapis interrupts, suddenly mad. “I don’t- I don’t understand. Why couldn’t we fuse?” she says, and she knows that she’s yelling.

But she doesn't care, she’s so massively disappointed.

Pearl’s brows furrow. “Maybe…you’re just not ready for this-“

“Don’t blame me for this! It-it isn’t me!”

Pearl bites her lip. “I didn’t mean that it was-I just thought that maybe-“

Lapis turns away angrily. “J-just leave me alone.” she says, voice angry.

“Lapis-wait I-“

Lapis summons her wings and leaves Pearl alone before she can hear what she said. She floats high above the ocean, unsure of where she’s even going. Her angry words repeat over and over in her mind, and furiously she wipes the tears that are overflowing her eyes away.

She flies on, utterly alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. 
> 
>  
> 
> Just kidding!!! Seriously tho, I'd never be that mean; ) there is a part 2 and it's coming, promise<3\. I know it's been ages since I've updated this, but I just really wanted to update because exactly 2 years ago today I posted the very first chapter of this story!!! I couldn't just miss our anniversary! It's a little crazy tbh that I've been working on it for so long tho.   
> College is also crazy, but I really want to start writing more again, so fingers crossed!! Anyway, hope you guys have a great rest of your day!!!


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